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Cow Shit!

Get Out Of My Way You Stupid Cow!

By Carol TownendPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
Cow Shit!
Photo by Christian Burri on Unsplash

We got up early in the morning, excited to be going to Great Yarmouth for our holiday. We were singing in the car with the windows down, happily driving down the country lanes and taking in every sight of the country. We hadn't had a holiday for a while due to illness, so we were relieved to be finally getting away (that was when my husband finally found his car keys...which took him a whole hour, after complaining that I had spent ten minutes looking for my purse!).

Anyway after two hours of driving we decided to take a break, which we chose to take in the New Forest. From what we could see, there were no animals near the picnic area we had chosen. So, we spent about thirty minutes happily munching our good old food and having a nice cold drink because the weather was so warm that if we had eaten in the car, we would have turned into boiling water!

When the thirty minutes was up, we headed back to the car. Lo! it came out of nowhere! We had just pulled out, back onto the road and started driving again, when a great big cow decided it was going to plonk its arse down on the road, right in front of our car! We waited and waited. The stupid thing was not going to budge

. My husband honked his horn and revved up the engine...no way!

The cow just sat there, completely oblivious to the traffic on the road waiting to move!

We decided to sit there for a bit and ignore it. We hoped that if we didn't pay attention it would move.

But no! It still sat there!

My husband being someone who really loved driving was not impressed by this cows dignity. He rolled down the window and shouted:

"GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU STUPID COW!!

At the time, there was a female driver sat behind us, who had the window rolled down. She stuck twos up at my husband, thinking he was talking about her! Then she saw the cow on the road, and shouted an apology out of the window, while we all cracked up.

At this stage, the cow had got up, and instead of heading back to the forest, it decided to walk towards the car. It was almost as if the cow had never seen a human before or it might have been inspecting us. The cow had turned to move in the direction of the forest, and we thought it was going to move!

WELL, IT DID MOVE....TOWARDS THE CAR!

So, my husband who was obviously getting rather mad by now; rolls down the window and once again shouts:

"GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU STUPID COW!"

I sat there creased. I was used to my husband arguing with me, so to see him arguing with a real cow was the highlight of my day!

The cow started moving around the car, so we quickly rolled our windows up to avoid being eaten. I mean, we both like beef, but we were going to be mince-meat if this cow got hold of us! Anyway, the Cow decided to:

Firstly: Do a massive shit, right in front of the car!

Secondly: Sneeze all over the bonnet!

After that, it disappeared back into the forest where it can stay!

We managed to move again. However, we had to get someone to clean the shit from the car, and from the front of the car first. This must have been the cow getting revenge on my husband for giving him shit for resting.

The moral is this:

IF YOU SHIT ON A COW, IT WILL SHIT ON YOU!

nature

About the Creator

Carol Townend

Fiction, Horror, Sex, Love, Mental Health, Children's fiction and more. You'll find many stories in my profile. I don't believe in sticking with one Niche! I write, but I also read a lot too.

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    Carol TownendWritten by Carol Townend

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