Why I despise Skinny Women

So we've watched the reviews of shows and movies, and all the superhero movies we thought would do well, bombed at the box office while Mel Gibson and the "Sound of Freedom" surprised everyone along with Jason Aldean's comeback song "Try that in a small town" which all goes to show that the population's tastes haven't changed that much. We (the population) still love "expose" and we still love to see the dirty laundry. There is probably no better classic American band than "The Eagles", who already knew all of this stuff (I think it was Don Henley who sang about dirty laundry) way before any of these reviews were written or discussed.

What does that have to do with skinny women and why they really, really get on my nerves. Well, I'm glad you asked. While Gibson is exposing Hollywood as the villain who sells people including children, (human trafficking is a dark theme, but he has freedom of speech) not much different than Martha Stewart who employed children (and went to jail for that), and getting lots of praise and attention for that theme, I'm still sitting at my desk scratching my head and feeling all crunchy inside about how every movie (popular or not) still wants to make the "stars" of the movie or show look like skinny perfect Barbie dolls. Which I think is hilarious and ironic and "coincedental" considering the Barbie movie is also released and crushing the competition (in box office revenue) even if it's not at the top of everyone's conversation. No news is good news? I have no idea.

My friends and I have been discussing perceptions of "fatness" and "fat shaming" for almost a decade, having been both thin and fat and knowing how "society" favors the thin. Which is also hysterically ironic considering how many fast food restaurants rule the country, small town or big town. (What do you see more of as you drive around town? Gyms or Fast Food restaurants?) I remember living in a small town where the Burger King was like fine dining. There were plenty of fatties, but they all wanted to watch the movies with the skinnies. I don't. I don't want to watch the movies with the skinnies. I'm sick and tired of looking at skin and bones and calling that sexy just because they know how to model a bikini. Why don't you get off that brown rice and try a cheeseburger for once in your life you pathetic anorexic? Or is that you're afraid you won't get hired? Yeah, join the fatties club! We can tell you all about how it feels to be abandoned, neglected, and unemployed for that kind of discrimination. You think it's just age or skin color? HUH~! There's more discrimination occurring based on SIZE than there ever was based on skin color or age or even education. Maybe that's why I'm so sick and tired of hearing decade after decade talk about racism. When are they ever going to acknowledge the fat/skinny war? Skin color? Old irrelevant news. Fat shaming? That's discrimination!

I'm over it. I know what feels good. I know what I like. I love my big boobs and my jelly belly. I went to the titty bars (3 of them) and tried to get a job. I couldn't get a job as a cashier at the Dollar Tree. I couldn't get a job as a telemarketer as a Felon. So I tried to be a titty bar dancer. Hey, I've got nice moves, and like minds think my curvy, fleshy body is just as sexy as skin and bones. But even the titty bars wouldn't hire me! I was shocked. I thought at least they could respect and understand the diversity and flavor I was willing and able to bring to the table. Was that discrimination? Oh well, it's not like Morgan and Morgan would sue for me.

Yeah, I'm sick and tired of skinny women ruling the world just because they are skinny. Oh, Hail the new Queen Anorexia! No wonder the brits sing "God Save the Queen". She's so skinny a good wind could knock her over. Peter Paul Rubens and many of the wonderful painters of Europe who did miracles in oil probably think America's obsession with skin and bones is absolutely insane, and I whole-heartedly agree with them. Eat something already, I dare you!

And please, skinny women, you've already got the monopoly on the titty bars, do you have to try and steal Belly Dancing too? That's made for me and my fatties, so back the F off. Stick to your pole dancing and cha-chings until me and my fatties can figure out a way to kick your ass out of our way. I see the "teach us how to dance" videos springing up with boney dancers swaying in belly-dance motion, and I'm sorry to tell you, but you lack the jelly that dancing deserves. Go back to the pole. You can call us "fat" all day long, and we will still look better at "belly dancing" than you. Give it up. You don't have to teach us anything. We already know how to eat celery. We're trying to teach you how to eat a donut.