When will this stop?

For the past few days, I have felt so deeply upset and full of rage. An event had taken place and we saw a change in the news that graced our TV's and daily newspapers. COVID-19 had seemed to take a pause to provide updates on the disappearance of Sarah Everard.

We need change. If only something could change. If only there was that slight possibility that maybe, just maybe one day, females would be able to walk the streets alone at night without the fear of abduction, violence, rape, and death. It's not all men, and I get that, most of the female population get that... but it is all women.

There have been so many times that I have walked home from friends’ houses, no longer than a 15-minute journey depending on who I was visiting. The words always echoed as I left, "text me when you get home, so I know you're safe". It has become the norm. We say these words not only because we care, but sadly because of the genuine terror and anxiety we face each time we say goodbye and close the door. Even getting in a taxi to travel the short distance home and spending money that we shouldn't necessarily have to, a sense of panic still surfaces. Is this taxi driver safe? Is there potential danger in here as well as on the streets?

From such early ages, women are taught to take precautions; keys in hand, don't wear headphones, be aware of your surroundings and even have 999 dialled into your phone in case you needed it. Walk quickly, but don't run. Cross the street if you’re approaching a man. These things are embedded within us. I remember going out when I first turned 18, my mum was terrified. For weeks before my 18th birthday she drilled things into me; don't leave your friends, stay in a group, don't travel home alone. Even into my twenties, I would make sure I left with my friends and got home with at least one of them. My mum would rather have six of my friends stay at mine than let one be in a taxi by themselves.

Even in broad daylight, women are harassed. By the construction workers who wolf whistle at us from the building site we walk past every day on our way to work. By the man who comes and stands too close to us in a queue at the shop. By the man in his car who eyeballs us as he stops to let us cross the road. We are surrounded by it. I admit that as I've got older things like being whistled at don't bother me as much as they used to and given my attitude, I'd probably just present them with my resting bitch face and middle finger. I wasn't like this when I was 18 though, or even when I had my son at 23. Maybe I've grown into this person because of the fact that this happened so often, and, in a way, I've become hardened to it. The truth is not everyone is like me and why should they have to be like me. To the men that do these things. You may think it's a joke and that you're being a 'lad' in front of your friends, and there is most likely nothing sinister in your behaviour, but the truth behind it is that, yes, it does affect us, a lot more than you think it does. Having to deal with this is tiring, and it wears us down. So much so, that we end up becoming the hard-faced girl when we used to be the girl that smiled as she walked along the pavement. Or on the other hand, we become the girl, riddled with so much anxiety that it restricts where we go when we do eventually build up the courage to leave the house.

Putting things such as curfews into practice will NEVER stop these terrifying events from happening. If a 10pm curfew for women is put in place, do you really think that a rapist will wait until then? Do you really think the man following you isn't going to commit a heinous crime because a law has been passed? The answer is no. They do what they want, when they want, and unfortunately, there is nothing we can do about it.

These people are opportunists, they seek out ideal times to commit these acts of violence. They use their platforms to their full advantage - the man arrested on suspicion of Sarah Everards kidnap and murder is a long serving police officer. From as young as I can remember I was taught by my mum and the teachers at school to trust these emergency workers. Being told things like; if you're ever lost look for a policeman, if you ever feel unsafe search for someone in uniform. It angers me so much that these evil beings are walking the streets posing as people who are meant to protect us and keep us safe. No more is it just about protecting yourself from monsters who hide in the shadows of darkness, it's now about protecting ourselves from those monsters who walk among us in the light of day. The monsters that will rape and kill you on your lunchtime run down by the river. The monsters that follow you home and break into your house later that night. The monsters that use their position of power in society to pose as zero threat when in reality, they are. If they want to do it, then they will. They will always find a way.