“She wins who calls herself beautiful and challenges the world to change to truly see her.” - Naomi Wolf
From Womanhood to Queendom
Greetings! Life, prosperity and health to you. Spirit has put it on my heart to start sharing some of the stages that women go through towards being a Goddess. I will be writing about the stages and this is the very first of many. So let's hop right on topic...
"It's not easy!" - Nigerian Women Discuss 5 Real Problems That Come With Being Beautiful.
It's really not easy! Since I can remember, being beautiful has always been one of the highest compliments people ever received. Especially for women, there was and is still a huge amount of societal pressure to be "pretty". There are literal contests held to crown the most beautiful out of a set of women. To be beautiful is the wish of so many people all over the world and people are doing any and everything these days to be beautiful.
Perfect Foundation vs The History of Mexico
My skin is the color of Mexican nationalism. I am a product of (at least) Indigenous and Spanish roots on both sides of my family, from Northern and Southern Mexico, from flour and corn tortillas. Mexico was one of the first colonized countries that advocated for miscegenation, because it would “whiten” the entire country, and the mixed race people could be known as La Raza, as foretold and advocated by José Vasconcelos. I grew up saying “Para La Raza!” (for the race) without knowing the originally racist implications - now I say “para la gente!” (for the people). Because being Latinx is an ethnicity and not a race, then people of many races are Latinx. You don’t even have to speak Spanish to be Latinx, as Brazil and Haiti are Latin American countries. However, having been raised in the Southwestern US, I grew up with the understanding that I looked like the stereotypical Latina. I’m brown with brown eyes, black hair, and short with a round face, and when I talk quickly or with strong emotion, my Chicana accent comes out. Now, I know that not all Latinx people have to look or be like me, even other Mexicans don’t look like me, since I have been trying to surpass the anti-Blackness and anti-Indigeneity taught in Mexican culture.
Reflections of a Sauna Sisterhood
Reflections of a Sauna Sisterhood By: Paris Perrault Written as Covid Pandemic Lock Down Began March 2020 Something mystical occurs while sitting in a darkened, cedar planked sauna with fatigued, perspiring women. It is empowering and uplifting. It is sensual and invigorating. It is during this experience of sweat-equity, where magically, any woman of this sisterhood, is free to dream, re-define, clarify and reinvent herself, while simultaneously exuding a natural glow that one cannot buy in any retail market.
The Negative Side Effects of Beautiful Women
Beauty isn’t all that. We’re so conditioned by the “Halo Effect” that we are fast to assume that beautiful people are happier or that they’ve got it easier because of their above-average looks. How did we wind up so hyper-focused on youth and exterior beauty, anyway? As if being or possessing beauty makes the secret sauce for all of life’s pleasures. Maybe it isn’t fair that some of us come into the world with an advantage like perfect symmetrical features or a multi-million-dollar inheritance. I mean, outer beauty and money are alike in that everyone wants a piece of the action despite that owning either of them alone is not nearly enough to bring us true happiness.
Standing up this morning was a sort of protest. I’d woken resigned to lie still, buried in the soil of my sheets, and let my lungs empty as gradually as the sun had risen over the windowsills and spread lazily across the floorboards.
A Queens best friend
Squeezing the size 16 over my arse and newfound belly, I stick my chest out, push in my waistline with my hands and stick out my already fabulously fat arse.
Nappy Hair, No Hair
This morning, after grieving through a five-year journey with androgenic alopecia, I’m going to get my little afro cut off, well, what’s left of it. Two weeks ago, I completed my second round of follicle transplants, in which the surgeon shaves off all the hair on the back of the head to harvest follicles to place where I’m balding in the front. Ugh. Although my stomach is churning with anxiety, I’m excited because the surgical process is over, and I know from here my hair will come into its own. Within myself I’m okay with my journey, but there’s this nagging that keeps poking at my “okay-ness” it’s this thing within me that dreads my hair process being witnessed, ridiculed, and judged. Here’s an example. Several weeks ago, I was with some people I care about. I don’t love them. I don’t hate them, but I care about the quality of their existence. It was my fifty-first birthday, and I was speaking to a room of women who are in the same recovery home where I had worked on my own addiction many years ago. It was a full-circle moment. I was in my element, encouraging women just like me that change is possible, always possible.
I have piece of uncommon knowledge which is going to blow you away, are you ready for it because it is truly shocking... not many people know it because society is so messed up... but did you know you are special, you are amazing, you are beautiful and most of all you are unique, you are perfect just the way you are.
She's Not Just a Pretty Face
At some point in everyone’s life, there are defining moments; moments that make you who you are as you grow up. Whether you value money, looks, intelligence or athletics, in many cases, this can be accredited to those defining moments. In grade school, were you celebrated for having top grades in all of your subjects? Did you find your glory with a winning touchdown? Was your proudest moment being nominated as best dressed at graduation? All of these moments create a feeling of pride, of belonging and, more importantly, they create a memory in your mind of how to get the feeling of pride and belonging.It’s simple, if you are rewarded for something, whether with praise, money or trophies, you associate happiness with the reward. Similarly, if you are punished for something, you associate sadness with the punishment. Most people (yes I know exceptions) seek to feel happiness in their lives. So what do they do to achieve this? They go back to the basic actions that brought them happiness in the past, therefore, creating a habit. That kid growing up that was always praised for being an incredible athlete and felt the glory of their teammates celebrating them for amazing plays, puts immense value in being athletic. That kid, who was praised for the high marks by their parents and given money for every A, now seeks praise for intelligence. Obviously, this is very simplified and, if you are some psychologist, I know you will rip it apart with technicalities and exceptions, but overall there is truth to this. Bringing me to my point, don’t call me beautiful.If you are ever in the delivery wing of a hospital, listen to people talking. They will be holding a little baby girl saying “oh she is so beautiful!” Okay, I don’t know if you have ever seen a new baby but, I hate to break it to you, they are not beautiful. They are all shriveled up, pink and probably flaky. That child can’t open her eyes, let alone acknowledge the comment; yet, the brainwashing begins.Say that girl is now four years old. She has started school with the other kids and is getting ready in a brand new dress for her first day. Mom or Dad want a picture and can’t stop awing and cooing over how precious and beautiful their baby girl is. As they snap pictures nearly blinding the child, they continue to repeat she is beautiful. Her parents hug her and send her to school. Don’t even get me started about picture day.End of grade eight rolls around; she is getting dressed up for graduation (which is actually a thing… I am talking full gowns that cost more than my last car payment). Somehow, somewhere in that subconscious, there is a memory from her first day of school and how special she felt. The word “beautiful” is circling in her head creating pressure. She wants to feel special again, she has to look beautiful. Hence the $300 dress, hair style, pedicure, manicure and of course, new shoes. Again, Mom or Dad begins with the pictures and the praise, only further embedded the importance of being beautiful into her mind.Everyone blames the media for this necessity for woman to be thin, for the increase in eating disorders. But, someone, somewhere, had to begin this trend. I am not saying it is bad to compliment a girl on her looks but, why is it always beautiful? What is wrong with saying a girl looks strong? That she looks healthy? Better yet, that she looks happy?Start it young and start it early. Next time you look at a “beautiful” baby girl, flip your thought, instead of saying she is beautiful, start early and say she looks “healthy” or “strong”. You may laugh saying that a baby can’t look strong but, as discovered earlier, they really don’t look “beautiful” either.You can still tell a girl she is beautiful but, please, say it for the right reasons. Say it because she just finished running a full event on her own and still has a smile on her face. Say it because she just completed her university applications and is filled with anticipation for her future.Start this before they can even understand the words you are saying.
Behind the Pretty Face
Do we really take a pretty face for face value or do we truly feel the soul behind it ? I have always carried myself as if, just because I am pretty does not mean I deserved more nor do I play ignorant to the blatant perks its gets in the real world. There are things we honestly have no control over like peoples perceptive of beauty or have the ability to turn our natural beauty on and off on command ( Lets get real here people , WE AREN'T ROBOTS). But we have still manage to create these warped emotions around the pain , the weight, the COST, and thats just to name a few. Lets be honest being "Pretty" is a full time LIFE commitment some of us don't sign up for and some don't really understand it once their in it. The strive to "Pretty" never stops for some people , some take to their grave that they will never be "pretty" enough. ummm, honestly What is Pretty ? Does it come with armor ? Can I Lock it away and collect later on its interest ? But lets not just focus on the word pretty itself , like why do I care if you think I am "attractive" in your Perceptive? Can you swallow the pain it hidden behind that face on a daily? Can you listen to society or social media perception of pretty and still feel whole ? Does Pretty Mean Strong ? I have so many questions. Constantly pushing our personal agendas to define our definition of "Pretty" for ourselves and everyone around us. All that hard work to still not completely be content and happy, WHEW CHILEEE im tireddddd for me and you. Self Love is the BEST defense against self hate ( this truly could be a solve all remedy for you it helps , SO TRY IT ) but what about the person who is naturally pretty, moved on from the phase of caring about anyones perception of them, just simply living their lives unproblematic but find them selves facing a whole different set of warped turmoil behind being "pretty" ? Did you know there are people with a fear attached to being perceived as too "pretty" ? What about having anxiety when your in public because you feel everyone is looking at you whether you on worst or best day? What about the people who turns their attractiveness for a profit either by need or choice? To have to wonder how to make your self not attractive to certain people or crowds or anyone but your DOMINANT partner . hmm suddenly being pretty doesn't sound so fun. What about the people who live with more than one perspective, or some other combination of the madness? Being attractive comes with some heavy weight but that doesn't deter people for striving for it and we never really understand another preceptive of it until we are in it with them. So to be able to answer that question I would be here all day because I am a pretty face and its my personal invisibility cloak. Imagine being pretty enough to catch the hallow attention of people without them ever really knowing you for anything but a pretty face. Yes I am attractive but I am so much more. I hide so much behind this face that often I forget when to drop the act. My Beauty has caused me love , pain , and everything in between, all for the sake to have some one tell me they find my well prepared and thoughtfully planned facade attractive. Suddenly your compliment doesn't merely add up to the perplex I already feel around my attractiveness. I know I would trade being attractive for a trillion different things does that make me sound crazy ? I wear this face EVERYDAY and everyday I can find new things to love , hate , and even ignore all together. But who will completely understand the soul under the pretty face?
Can you get a man's haircut as a woman?
I have short hair. It isn’t exactly a bob, but it doesn’t reach my shoulders. Meanwhile, one of my male colleagues has hair almost to his waist. He works very hard to maintain it. Now, I’m not writing this to say that there is anything wrong with him having long hair as a guy or my having short hair as a girl. What I feel is wrong is that despite him having more hair, I will still pay more than him at basically every hair salon.