Raising Girls, Raising Boys

I'm a mother. I have two girls that I am bent on NOT letting fall for the same bullshit I did. I will not watch them devalue themselves or shoulder the weight of a sexist America. I will encourage their self-awareness and their belief in themselves. I will foster their creativity and willingness to try. They will be soft and strong and see in a spectrum. Convicted, careful, beautiful, and smart. They can be whole people, accomplished and tolerant without being doormats. They will be better than me. They will be better than this mindset, running rampant over my generation and those before.

I never called myself a feminist. In fact, I said I wasn't. In my head, my teen to 22-year-old brain, it was a radical concept for someone that had more liberties than me. I was in a bad relationship with a poor self image and a tiny window of exploration to peek through when no one was looking. I couldn't afford to be a feminist, or even entertain the idea that I could be one of "those" women. Maybe I secretly resented women who stood up for other women, maybe they made me feel guilty for not standing up in my own life. Whatever the reason, I didn't identify.

It wasn't until I left that I started to make sense of the feminist movement. I shouldn't even call it that... It wasn't until then that I started to make sense of the truth. That was the beginning. The years that followed were learning years. Even if I had wanted to give in to my inadequacy and fear, I couldn't. I had to value myself, push myself and BE what my children needed. Fast forward to 2017, a nearly 33-year-old me, and everything is different.

Now that my girls are 8 and 12 it seems much more clear, the importance of feminism in the way I raise them. It's my job to instill in them a sense of power and worth. It's a mother's job to lead by example and impart the wisdom of an "I can" attitude. I want them to lead fulfilling lives, driven by relationships full of mutual respect and equality. I want them to try hard and achieve much. I want them to make more money at the careers they chose and rush to the polls on voting day. I am woman. Hear me roar. Motherhood means mothering strong women. Everyone on earth can be a victim of dominion of others, but I will not let it be because they thought, somehow, they deserved it.

Knowing that it's important to raise girls to value themselves, and find their voice is the easy part. It's the part that comes naturally and can be facilitated by the mountains of "Girl Power" memorabilia. There are lots of women standing up and speaking out, that's why womanhood and motherhood go hand in hand. WOMEN are raising WOMEN.

But there is more. I have a son. I have a son who had a sexist father and lives in a "boys will be boys" world. When you live in a town that focuses on why boys and girls are different, it's hard to help them find comrades of the opposite sex. It's hard to make them want to see how alike we all are. I won't lie, there were a few years that I found myself saying "STOP! You have to open your eyes and see that girls are wonderful, too. People deserve a chance." I always maintained that he was allowed to not like someone if he discovered them to be a bully, but the issue was that he never got close enough to discover. It wasn't just the school. In their own, awkward way, they try. More so, it was all the other boys, raised with their own sexists fathers that was causing the issue. I know I'm generalizing, but I have heard with my own ears the damaging words used in these small town homes. We're a people desensitized to the damning segregation of sexes (among other things). How do I teach my son that he has to go against the current? He has to have empathy. He has to be above the "old ways." It's hard. Some people home school. Some move. Honestly, we were stuck. We had to press on.

I spent the last few years watching what I said. I'd clear up questions, provide scenarios that he could identify with. I'd show him strong women who made a huge difference. I told him the struggles women faced. We talked about how long it took to be able to vote. All of these things opened up doors for conversations about race and religion too. I started to see a change.

Raising strong girls isn't easy, but it's there for the taking. Raising a boy to value women is hard. It takes much more acknowledgement. Last week he asked me what a feminist was. Then he asked me what a sexist was. He asked me if boys could be feminists too. I felt a lump form in my throat, he's ten years old... and he sees. I hugged him and told him, all the best boys are feminists. "I love everyone, Mom. Not bad people, but I love that there are so many different kinds of people and that without them we couldn't do anything."

Yeah, man, me too.

The point is, feminism belongs in motherhood. Not because mothers are women, but because equality of genders is a building block to a more tolerant generation, on that raises up those that strive to make the world better. Because feminism opens the doors to civil rights conversations and communication will save our children. Let's not forget we have an election to win in four years. Let's educate these children to fight the good fight.