Pro-Choices

This is the first time I've realistically put any reflection into the subject. In fact, this is the first time I'm delving into it with all of my own experience, and all of my own very real perspective. This is my gore story of everything that should've, would've, & could've, but didn't.

The first abortion was the easiest decision I've ever made for myself. Christmas day my boyfriend at the time (Joe) had rented a hotel room and we did MDMA together. In the duration of the "roll," I had gone out to his car to have a cigarette and threw up all over the passenger seat in the vehicle. Realized my period was late the next day when we had come down from the drug. I had Joe take me to work at 7-Eleven and I took a pregnancy test in the bathroom before starting my shift. Positive. I spent the rest of my shift at work more anxious than I had ever been. The following week he requested that I make an appointment for an abortion while he was busy hiding his meth habit. I was already on board with not keeping this guy in my life considering it was obvious he was hiding something from me and he was somehow getting weirder and weirder as time progressed.

There was absolutely no argument regarding the fact I was getting an abortion anyways. Though when the argument where he thought he had the "right" to be in the room with me while I flushed the embryonic cells down the toilet popped-off.. I ran away to have the abortion done. I took the medication in the Planned Parenthood office and had been lucky that my adopted-family lived in the area to help me through the recuperating process. It had taken a couple days for the period inducing. I hadn't felt too well the entire pregnancy anyways; but after I had taken the medication, time started to go REAL slow.

My adopted mom is an absolute angel for the way she handled me during the entire procedure. I was in the bath when the initial waves of bleeding started. Felt like a bubble being popped in my stomach under the bath water and I was counting the quiet seconds that lasted for eternity before I had stood up out of the bath and blood started flooding out of me in a harder flow than any period I'd ever had before. 6 Seconds. Immediately, I sat on the toilet and assessed the literal blood-bath between the tub and the toilet. I thought I was going to pass out from the pain and the nausea up until I realized there was no toilet paper... anywhere in the bathroom. The only towel I had was on the ground in front of the tub and toilet soaked in blood. I was quiet the entire time I had gotten out of the bathroom because the family was right outside the bathroom door eating dinner. I had never felt more irresponsible. I had never felt more intrusive of other people when I had also felt in-need of support. Was I overstaying my welcome or was that just how things were supposed to be? I ended up finding some baby wipes in the cabinet and started cleaning blood-water off of myself. After air-drying enough I threw some sweats and a hoodie on and hobbled downstairs to lay down. I was grateful, I was heartbroken, I was scared, I was proud of myself, I had gotten through all of that on my own.

The following days included a lot of weakness. I had passed out twice in the duration of 24 hours and by the second day I was finally able to hold food down. I was pretty much bed-ridden for a few days and the excess clotting was exactly why. The gynecologist that had given me the medication for the abortion had mentioned how shitty it would be; and my mind kept thinking back on that every time I'd cramp. At the point I began feeling better, I went home. Completely avoided Joe until I had the nerve to move my things out of his studio apartment.

The second abortion was performed in-clinic. It was faster, and easier, and it held a way harder impact. My boyfriend at the time held my hand through all of it. I let him. He was supportive over the entire decision and it was his mom who had driven me to and from the appointment. Jake's parents were far more supportive than my own parents were about it and I'm lucky my second time around included so much love. It was on the drive to the clinic that Jake's mom had admitted to both me and her own son that she has had an abortion before. Afterwards, we had learned that his dad has even been an advocate for abortion after his ex girlfriend had his. I've never been more appreciative of 2 people I've seen as my own elders.

The appointment for the abortion was set for an early time in the day, but I hadn't gotten out of that office until the day had gotten dark. I had never recognized how much support I did have in my life. Jake's mom had sat in the waiting room for 5-6 hours while I lay and transfer medical-chairs waiting for all the medications to kick in. I handled that entire abortion with 800 mg ibuprofen, some Tylenol, and Jake's hand. The practitioner offered to leave while I got dressed and Jake saw me in my most worried, nervous, in pain, and ugly state. He loved me. He was there, and my hell was he was helping in every way he could to keep me balancing while I put my clothes on. He took one for the team during the pregnancy and I did keep both of my abortions in the first-term window. On the drive home, everyone was quiet and everyone made sure I felt safe. It was comforting for as uncomfortable of a situation as it was. Jake and I had decided we weren't ready to take care of kids in a world so insane. We appreciate one another for supporting such a decision. We respect one another more over it as well.

In hindsight, I know I did the right thing in both instances. I would've never become a welders' apprentice if I hadn't. I doubt I would've taken my own skills seriously. My aspirations are to learn throughout my life, and I've learned as much as I need about children having 4 younger siblings. Don't need my own to know the hazards and fun of kids. Also don't prefer to bring any of my own into the world when there's already kids' in existence that need the parental guidance.