Duck lips and Self-acceptance
Loving yourself with all of your scars
I was going through old photos, and I came across this one. At first, I giggled, sent it to my friends and daughter so we could all giggle at it, and mock myself. Then, I looked at her again, this woman who has my eyes, hair, and human suit, but decided she wasn't good enough, so she put lip implants into her lips! WTF?!?!?!? I don't know this woman; I don't know who she is anymore. I am so far from this woman; I want to hug her and coach her to step into her power and back into her authentic self! I want to do several sessions with her, share her light with her, and show her that she is perfect, whole, and complete as she is, without changing a fucking thing about her!
I see the sadness in her eyes; I see duck lips. I see a woman who desperately wants to be seen and loved just as she is, without wanting her to be an image that can only be attained with surgical/filler intervention or genetics.
It was not in my Irish DNA to have big breasts, big lips, tan skin, bleach blonde hair. I was born with small B boobs, pear shape body, average size lips, pale white skin, and red/blonde hair. I am and will never be a Playboy image again; I did this before, I attained it, I did. If you/I go to my old pictures on social media and some of you may remember me then, you will see it; I achieved the look. I had the help of breast implants that were poisoning me; I had the lip implants for about one month and said hell no. But I was working that self-tanner, & dying my hair bleach blond.
Keeping up this illusion is so much work, to try and be something that you were not born to be. I was exhausted, trying to keep up this facade; the mask was getting heavy! I had to step out of it and into my real suit, my authentic skin. No more will I change myself to be someone else's fantasy, based on unrealistic expectations brainwashed by the media! I was over it, am over it. I have not had one thing done to my face, no botox, fillers etc. I am letting my gray grow in my hair. I am as pale as I can be; I can light up a state with my pale ass! I took my breast implants out, I have scars across my chest, but I am ultimately me, a perfect hand size full of natural me.
I have to apologize to my body again; this is a long time conversation she and I have. I have put my body through pure hell, trying to keep my breast implants in for over 20 years. From the stupid initial decision at age 21, when my body said, "I don't like these toxic bags in me, I am going to reject them." My body was pissed; it was doing everything to get them out from the first surgery, yes, the first! I am so humiliated sharing this, but I must, for us to heal. I always share all of my faults, poor choices, and power to over-come in hopes it will open you up to something deeper in you that needs possible healing. I admit now that I had seven surgeries over the last twenty years attempting to get my body NOT to REJECT them, I am so HUMILIATED! After years of being in complete denial, I finally, because I have been studying holistic medicine for over 25 years, I knew damn good and well what these were doing to my body. Still, I denied it, for vanity, for breasts! It's insanity. I know now what I was doing and why I was doing it. I was petrified that if I removed these toxic bags, I would have windsocks flapping in the wind! I did not and could not accept this as an option. I did not consider other options because I was in denial, complete denial that I was poisoning myself slowly over time and completely depleting my hormones and throwing myself into early pre-menopause because of this stupid fucking choice!!!
I have apologized to my body temple over and over again. This forgiveness process is all about me honoring my body now, loving her just as she is so that my body can heal, it's been a long road to recovery, but I am grateful I am healing every day!
I now see my body as the temple it is, to the point of choosing to honor her in relationships with others. It's about damn time, woman, it's about damn time! But, I am not going to SHOULD ON MYSELF. I "should" have done this, or I "should have done that." No more guilt and shame, that's more toxic than anything we can do to ourselves, is guilt and shame energy!
In closing, what is that you might be doing to your body that keeps you from truly stepping into your authentic self? Is there something that you're "shoulding" on yourself for? Are your patterns repeating, never getting the results you want, or the self-confidence you desire? I feel you; I've been there! I hope this helps you possibly see something within yourself that you could love deeper and accept, maybe your freckles, scars, or extra belly rolls?
Peace, love and light,
Author of #IAmNotMyStory
Owner of #TheLuvJoiLyfe www.LuvJoiLyfe.com