How I got in and out of 30k debt & the help you need

Money! It’s not something we always like to talk about. It’s personal and if you are struggling, it’s not an easy conversation to have with someone.

I went off the rails and lost control of money after my divorce.

It was the first time in years I had money to myself and in some way I felt I deserved to spend it how I saw fit.

I bought myself a sports car I couldn’t quite afford, I met a new man, I took a new job and lost touch with reality for a while, about 3 years in fact and those 3 years cost me £30,000!

I guess spending money was my release and a coping mechanism and it turned into a ‘big sign’ of showing how I wasn’t coping! But like all things it happens gradually.

So my whole life and the world was changing but my mentality towards money didn’t.

I was used to a certain lifestyle that money from a previous job had given me, I admit I wasn’t ready to adapt and maybe I didn’t want to, I just wanted some spending freedom for a while.

For the first time in my life my job wasn’t the biggest part of my life. I had spent 11 years successfully climbing the career ladder as an Estate Agent from Administrator to Sales, Senior Sales Negotiator to Managing and been through the boom but the bust was about to happen, the financial crash officially hit in 2008 and it felt like time for a change.

To give an example of the housing market and financial climate my two up two down modern terrace house mortgage started at £550 per month in 2003 and the interest rates started climbing the day we moved in until it sold, ending up with a mortgage costing just under £1000 per month when the house sold peak market Summer 2007, but also the value had climbed from £117,000 to £160,000.

This alone should have been a sign that house prices couldn’t last forever, I was inexperienced with such matters, naive that with every high must come with a low. But when the high is your daily life you don’t release, I was living by spending what I earned.

I spent like money would burn a hole in my pocket! I experienced Estate Agency in the boom, the heyday. A time when you could sell a house without even conducting a viewing!

A chance encounter with a friend who I used to work with in Agency suggested a role with him in Private Medical Insurance, it was Monday to Friday and would allow me weekend freedom I had not experienced before, it wasn’t as good earnings but I wasn’t searching for a career I was searching for freedom and to be happy.

I had just experienced 11 years working weekends and my 11 year childhood relationship had not long come to an end the year before. I was 29 and ready for something new and quickly took the job.

At this time I was driving a 240 mile round trip in a sports car to visit my new partner, I was also trying to keep up with his pay packet which was more than my own, although I didn’t want to admit it.

Looking back, neither of those options were sensible.

Most weekends we were travelling to different places sharing our love of music and had many trips away.

Two years on, in 2010 I moved in with him up to Manchester. But it was a troublesome relationship, it was every bit of passion as it was heartache, I lived for the high and tried to forget about the rest. The same trend as my spending!

The move happened quickly, I applied for just one job and it was mine.

This time I wanted a familiar role as it was an unfamiliar environment and there I was back in Estate Agency having to prove myself in a new town. But it felt like I hadn’t been away from the job, I knew what I was doing and liked a challenge of a new environment.

A few memorable items I spent money on was a hired Hummer for my sisters Hen Party.

Driving to ‘Almost Famous’ London, in a prestigious postcode, parking on an expensive parking meter on the doorstep whilst I went on a shopping spree.

I was also the kind of person when I had money, I would prefer to buy an expensive dress I fell in love with and chose to eat jacket Potato and beans on toast for a week to pay for it. I would sacrifice for what I felt important and I guess I had weird priorities!

Other than moving to be with my boyfriend, I didn’t know anyone up north, it was the first time moving away from home, away from my support network of family and friends, it was a brave move but it wasn’t the first or last time of acting this way, I didn’t think twice.

It turned out auspicious timing as my brother had just moved into a rental flat share and quickly decided it wasn’t for him, I suggested he could rent my flat for the same price as my mortgage, it was easy.

Within a week I had left my old job, moved house and started a new one.

That was that, I left my new life behind.

But in reality you can’t leave things behind just like that is if they have disappeared. I still had responsibilities. I chose to forget about them whilst I was forging a new life.

As time went on, I was just getting myself into more debt, I looked into a new interest free credit card to swap the balance of £10,000 that I had racked up.

At the same time the house prices had taken a slump, I was in negative equity. All the deposit put into my flat was diminishing so it didn’t give any options.

I couldn’t sell up, I had to hang on! The cost of living was rising and I was subsidising my flat, not making but losing money.

The windows in the flat were in desperate need of replacing, even when I moved in their was putty in the sash windows to fill the holes, I hadn’t noticed, I loved the character just overlooked the practical elements!

Just at the same time I had news that the roof needed repairing and that we needed to buy the freehold of the building as we had a low amount of years on the lease, this was going to cost thousands.

So the £10,000 balance transfer I had set up didn’t happen for the purpose I intended.

I used the £10,000 for the flat costs and suddenly trying to pay back £20.000 of credit cards on interest alone was a juggle. I had over commited, I needed help and didn’t know what to do.

By this time I hadn’t necessarily changed my spending mentality I was just becoming more stressed.

I could only afford minimum amounts on re-payments and the interest was mounting up and up.

It was a long while later that with the whole amount of interest added I was up to £32,000 total debt.

I had other things on my mind, my relationship had come to an end after 10 months of living together and left me a nervous wreck from the rollercoaster of emotions.

Now it was time to face reality.

First I had to admit to myself I needed help, I thought I could juggle my way through but the breakthrough came when I actually spoke to someone.

I was too proud to ask for help sooner, it took 3 years of spending to reach that point in my life to ask for help.

A lady at Barclays Bank told me about a debt charity. I had never heard of this before, instead of borrowing they talk through the solutions such as insolvency or consolidating debt into one amount and pay back the creditors based on what you could afford.

Step Change offer one to one advice so as an individual you can decide what it right for you. This was the turning point.

The realisation I could be helped and facing it head on to start paying off £32,000, it was a relief and it was scary because I had no choice but to change my ways, change my spending habits.

I was also angry that with all the credit cards and various loans in the past nobody had told me about the debt charity before, that banks were keeping it secret. After all they were the ones profiting!

At this time I sought personal healing in my life through the spiritual realm, through the love of crystals I had as a child and I trained in Crystal Healing, Reiki and Meditation, I was on a journey to find myself and understanding myself for the first time in my life. The day I qualified as a Crystal Healing Practitioner I felt like I had won the lottery.

Bankruptcy wasn’t an option for me.

I had hit rock bottom financially and emotionally all at the same time and my spiritual path saved me. It was my new passion.

I really wanted my own business like nothing I had wanted before and becoming insolvent wouldn’t let me do that. So I chose to consolidate all of my debt into one.

Once you sign the credit agreement you are also signing up to having no loans, credit cards, you have to have a standard bank card with no overdraft and have to file an income, expenditure report on where everything is coming and going.

Then you pay a certain amount to Step Change per month and they divide it between creditors.

The good news is all interest is stopped and you have an end of loan pay off date.

It felt restrictive but I only really had one choice.

It was 8 years and almost all of my 30’s I spent paying back to become debt free.

I had days where I didn’t feel I deserved anything, when I couldn’t treat myself to anything.

I realised I used spending as a way to cope with overwhelming feelings and I’m aware of my tendency to do this in other means too. I have a tendancy of addictive behaviour.

At times I sacrificed fun and didn’t explain to others why I had to, I had a heavy weight on my shoulders. I felt the despair, depression, frustration and anger and I felt undeserving.

I was also incredibly driven to reach my goal of paying back my loan.

I had been too proud, I was ashamed to ask for help at first and for some time I just didn’t want to admit the problem thinking I could work it out buy myself.

I got into new habits. I would buy discounted food at the end of the day in supermarkets, I would take my own tea bag in a cafe and have free hot water. I would go out for a drink rather than a meal to treat myself, I would buy clothes from charity shops.

These are all things I do now to this day, other than take my own tea bag with me..I might have gone a bit far with that!

Ultimately feeling like you are in poverty isn’t healthy.

And frankly making mistakes are normal. It’s whether we can learn from them.

We are all deserving of chances even if we’ve made wrong choices and it’s never too late to change.

Despite all the negative associations with my situation, I also knew I was on the path to freedom. And at some point in the process I had accepted my new path.

I also had a supportive man who was quite frugal with cash too!

But by now I wanted to leave Agency and focus on my own business building up my therapies which was evening work outside of Agency.

I rented a room in a clinic in the evenings and my dream was to grow Amethyst Crystal Healing and wellbeing.

I couldn’t find a 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday job in my village, I was now looking into working in Medical Insurance again as the hours would suit.

But I could’ve find any openings. One day my partner and I took a walk. He said ‘we don’t have to live here you know’

So the obvious choice was to move back home to the Cotswolds, I didn’t want to go back to my hometown but somewhere close enough to be able to see friends and family and again start a new chapter. So now the job opportunities were wide.

A job kept popping up saying earnings £70.000 a year, I overlooked it many a time, again not feeling deserving, my partner said why not try. It was in Private Medical Insurance.

It was meant to be, as the sales manager recognised my name from also working at the same previous company as me.

I had a good feeling at the interview and knew this was my new life.

It took every bit of resolve I had to make it work in a cut throat environment at my new job, I was the only female in the sales team and I was finding it hard to adapt from face to face sales to telephone sales, nobody knew how much I wanted and needed the job as this was the ticket to paying off my loan and financial freedom.

The universe had more important plans, I had no time for practicing therapies for others but I use my skills daily to keep myself balanced, i have worked hard in the same job and it has been a year since I have paid off my loan. A total of £32,000 over 8 years.

I am adverse to any type of credit now and so much so, it has pushed me to sell up and become mortgage free, I save money as I earn. I will build assets as I go.

It has pushed me to a different way of living that suits me, I am selling off my possessions as we speak and live in a motorhome.

I feel strongly that society does encourage taking out credit and feel newer generations are more consumed with the ethos of buy now save later and everything is consumer lead, it’s not the old fashioned approach ‘ if you don’t have it, don’t spend it.’

Even student loans now are the same price as the debt I paid back and with pressures on education and finding work in a challenging climate, nobody should have to enter these monetary pressures.

You see adverts of exorbitant loans or payday loans at a high interest rate and I urge anyone thinking about it, ‘Please, Don’t do it’!

The cost of living is rising and debt is an issue that will affect or has affected many.

You do have an option and free advice from a debt charity.

I wish I had seen this sooner

Please share; www.stepchange.org

Victoria Day-Joel x

Published Poet & Author