I woke up to the sound of the wind screaming, whistling against the glass windows, beating like battering rams against the walls of our house.
I have always been as girl to search out love. I'm most happiest when I am able to love and be loved.
We were just kids back then. Me at nineteen and he was 20, I was four months pregnant but no one could tell in my tight fitting strapless wedding dress that cost a mere 200 dollars for at a local bridal store. The wedding was small and inexpensive. We paid for the wedding for the most part ourselves since neither sets of parents had money. The groom's mother paid for my dress and my parents paid for the flowers. We got married in his mother's church his side of the chapel was full and my side had some. We had a modest reception and a church my father had gone to growing up and we spent the night at a hotel that was lovingly paid for by his sister.
I walked out with my feet throbbing and my head banging from the music that surrounded each and every person. The lights made contact with my eyes almost instantly, and wincing as inevitable. Imagine waking up after a long surgery, and the light shines straight in your eyes. That was the feeling. My suede heels guided me through the hall towards the open door. I looked around at the timeless photos of parties of years before, weddings, anniversaries, and the occasional class reunion. As each photo got older, I could feel the rush of air blasting me from the winter weather outside. The bite of jack frost felt good as the sweat from dancing seemed to dry. My bandage dress was no match for the ice box feeling of the outdoors, but I wasn't trying to fight it. I made my way to the opening of the venue, and in front of me stood two dark oak doors that seemed like they weighed a million pounds. The designs of each door screamed "ancient" and "classical", something out of the manors of Downton Abbey. As I walked through these wooden behemoths, the chilliness seeped right into my body, the hot breath making little clouds out of my nose and mouth. The doors led right out onto stairs that showed me to a little path, surrounded by the snow and leaves that signify the transition of fall into a cold winter. It was calming, standing under the stars and breathing in the thin air that stung as it was inhaled. In that moment, I remembered why I had come out here in the first place. To run away from the person I could never have. Have you ever wanted something so bad, and known you could never have it? It makes you want the item all the more. Just like the one cookie before dinner or getting into your dream school when they want a 4.0 and you have a 3.0. That was this feeling. In that party there was a person who instantly filled my head, something about them drew me to them, and it wasn't something I could control. The way they strayed away from the crowd and I dove right into it. The way that I had to look up at them to get a real detailed look at their face. Even with my heels I had to take a step back and admire it. Then after, I remembered why I couldn't have them, and why I shouldn't want them. The hurt they caused me, and how they tried to catch the fish, caught it, and let it go before taking the hook out. I turned around and looked back at the building, the multi-color lights shining through the aged windows. The ground seemed to bounce along with the music. My eyes made my way to the Downton Abbey doors, and in the doorway stood a figure I didn't think I'd see. I stood back onto the snow in my heels as the figure made their way out as well. Crossing over to the opposite side of the entrance, they stepped onto the brick path and onto a cleared off bench. The figure sat down and took a deep breath, the big cloud of breath that formed in the air proved it. I slowly stepped back onto the path avoiding the lone sticks around my feet for fear of stepping on one and gaining attention from the loud crack. My feet made their way to the entrance without a glance from the figure. As I stepped onto the first step, I seemed to forget that high heels were possibly the loudest inventions in women footwear. The figure glanced over my way and realized they had company.