Moscow's Calling - 9

This conversation took place on June 14, 2023, Donald Trump's Birthday.

"Happy Birthday, Donnie!"

"Hello, who's this?" (groggy)

"C'mon, Donnie, this is Vlad, your friend." (in more pronounced Russian accent)

Trump, perking up, "Oh wow, Vlad, I'm honored, but it's only 7 am here."

"I know, Donnie, I wanted to be the first to wish you Happy Birthday!"

"Oh god, I completely forgot it's my Birthday."

"Why, didn't Melania wish you Happy Birthday already?"

"Not yet, she is probably still asleep. She likes to get her beauty sleep."

"What do you mean 'probably'? Don't you sleep in the same bed?"

"Oh no, she likes her own space."

"Right. Women, duh." To the side, "She can't stand you, space my ass." To Trump, "Anyway, Donnie, Happy Birthday again! I wish you all the best, and let whatever you dream of come true, and all your plans and goals become a reality. Let all your enemies die suddenly of natural and unnatural death! I owe you a present."

"That's some wish, Vlad, thank you! I indeed have a lot of enemies."

"I know, Donnie. How did yesterday go?"

"Horrible, Vlad, horrible! They arraigned me like I'm some small-town criminal. The best American president, a criminal. Can you believe it? My supporters came out to the court, I saw them crying. Real tears running down their cheeks, Vlad, can you imagine?"

"I can, Donnie, just as you were saying the other day. You have a lot of supporters."

"I do, Vlad, I do. I wish more of them showed up to the court, but it was nice to see them. Axe-man Jack Smith was there, can you believe the chutzpah on that man?"

"Really? Did he say anything?"

"No, he was there just to watch. Watcher my ass. I didn't even look at him once but I could feel his treacherous vibe."

"Well, I saw that you pleaded not guilty. So you decided to fight it?"

"Of course, I had no choice. I didn't want to look weak in the eyes of my supporters. Couldn't let them down, they love me and expect me to be strong and brave. Strong and brave, or my run for presidency would have been done. And I need to run, to become president again, to shut all this shit down."

"I understand. I also need you to become president again. We'll do great things together. Were you scared, Donnie?"

"When?"

"In court, when the judge read you all the charges?"

"No, not really. I knew they wouldn't take me to prison then, so no. I just couldn't believe it all. Being in court is no fun, especially when I didn't do anything wrong. Those were my documents and I should have declassified them but..."

"But what, Donnie?"

"The judge told me not to discuss the case with anyone, Vlad. I just realized I am discussing the case with you."

"You can talk with me about it, Donnie, I'm your friend."

"There's not much to tell, Vlad. They read the charges, I pleaded not guilty and they let me go. Just let me go. On my own recognizance, as the judge said. Now I just need to wait for the trial."

"Well, Donnie, as I said if you decide to bolt, you are welcome to come here. I'll be happy to host you."

"I appreciate that, Vlad. I'll see what happens between now and the trial. My friends in Congress are working on some things..."

"OK, but as I said, you are always welcome here, Donnie."

"I'll keep it in mind, Vlad, thank you. Are you going to Silvio's funeral?"

"I wish I could. He was such a dear friend, I still can't believe he is gone. Such a giant, I thought he was forever."

"Me too, me too. And he didn't look that sick. Was he really sick, Vlad?"

"Recently, yes. I called him a couple of days ago and he sounded really bad."

"That's too bad. Why can't you go to his funeral, Vlad?"

"I'm under the warrant from the International Criminal Court, Donnie, don't you remember? Italy is an ICC member, if I set foot there Meloni will have me arrested."

"Is that so? I thought she was Silvio's protege. Didn't he mentor her and make her a popular politician?"

"He did indeed. Isn't it amazing how she is so right-wing but supports Ukraine? I can't figure her out, need to work on her more. What about you, Donnie?"

"You don't need to work on me, Vlad, I'll always support you."

"That I know," (chuckles). "I mean, are you going to Silvio's funeral?"

"I wish. I'm on my own recognizance. My lawyers tell me that if I leave the country I may be considered a flight risk and if I come back they'll definitely put me to jail until trial."

"Well, then don't come back."

"That's a good one, Vlad." (both chuckle)

"I wish I could just forget about this nightmare. I probably should have never become the president. Could have just stayed where I was, running my business and doing my TV show." (dreamily)

"Oh, Donnie, but you loved being the president! Your people loved you and still do! And it was so good for you! Very fitting."

"You really think so?"

"Of course I do. Anyway, are you planning to do anything for your birthday today?"

"I don't know. I leave it to Melania and kids. They usually throw me a nice party at my beautiful Mar-a-Lago home but we are at Bedminster today. So I don't know. What present, Vlad?"

"Present?"

"Yes, you mentioned you owed me a present."

"Ah, I see. If I tell you, it will ruin the surprise. I'll make sure you get it soon."

"Alright, I guess I'll have to wait then. I always love your presents, Vlad. They are very classy."

"Classy presents for a classy man, Donnie."

"Well, thank you, Vlad. I can't wait to get it."

"It'll be there soon enough. I have to go now, Donnie, but Happy Birthday again! Have a great day, it's not every day that you turn 77. It's a good age to be."

"Really? Why do you say so? I never thought I'd be 77. Always thought I would stay young forever."

"Don't we all, Donnie, don't we all? 7 is a lucky number, according to our Chinese friends. Double seven is double luck."

"Really? I didn't know that."

"Well, now you do. And when you reach 88, you will leave forever."

"Really? How come? I thought we all die."

"It's a joke, Donnie. 8 is the number symbolizing infinity. But who knows, maybe by that time they'll figure out how to make us immortal."

"Yeah, Jared also thinks so. But I don't know if I want to be that old and immortal. I'd take immortality deal if they could reverse my age."

"Do you want me to put a word for you on that deal, Donnie?" (dead serious, almost sinister)

"Don't scare me like that, Vlad. I thought immortality deals can be only made with the Devil."

"You heard that right, Donnie."

"Are you telling me you have access to the Devil, Vlad?" (whispering, like a scared child)

"Just joking, Donnie. Happy Birthday again, I really have to go now. Good-bye!"

"Good-bye, Vlad, and thanks again!" after hanging up, "that was some scary shit about the Devil. I wonder if he was really only joking."