Moscow's Calling - 8

This conversation took place on April 21, 2023

“Hello, Donnie?”

“Yes! Vlad! You’re calling me! First! That hasn’t happened in a long time! Like, in ages!”

“Have to be careful with my calls, Donnie.”

“I understand, Vlad. That’s why I’m so happy. Melania will be shocked.”

“Really? Why?” (flirty)

“Because she thinks you don’t call me because you don’t need me anymore. Because I’m no president anymore.”

“Not true, Donnie, and you know it. I always need you.”

“I’ll tell her that. I’m so glad you called! What’s up?”

“Not much, I just really liked your NFTs.”

“Really? My trading cards? Which ones?”

“Well, all of them, but my favorite is the one with my tramp stamp.”

“Excuse me? You mean Trump stamp?”

“No, tramp stamp. Isn’t that what you call the stamp showing ownership?”

“I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure a tramp stamp is a tattoo. Usually, a bad tattoo. The likes of which women of certain kind have on their lower backs.”

“Women of certain kind? Those that I call ‘women with lowered social responsibility’?”

“Yeah, if you mean whores.”

“Exactly, that’s who I mean.”

“Did you just call me a whore, Vlad?”

“Of course not, Donnie. Where does this come from?”

“Then what’s all this tramp stamp business about?”

“Well, if it’s not a tramp stamp, then what do you call a stamp you use to mark ownership?”

“Dunno… Brand?”

“Yes, exactly! A brand stamp!”

“Wait, are you saying I have your brand stamp?”

“Well yes, on one of your NFTs.”

“Which one?”

“I’m looking at it right now, it’s the one of you with a magnificent lion.”

“Or, you mean the lion king on a globe, where I’m the king of the world?”

“Yes, that’s the one!” To the side, “as if, the king of the world.” To Trump, “It also has ‘ru’ in it, which is the Russia’s country domain name on the Internets.”

“Where do you see that? I’m looking at it right now too and see nothing like that.”

“What are you, blind? It’s in the background, to the left, see it clearly says, ‘ru’ there?”

“Oh, it’s just a part of my name, Trump, inscribed into 45, as in ‘Trump, the 45th president.’ It’s just ‘ru’ that is visible.”

“Sure, Donnie, and that’s a really smart trick.”

“What do you mean, a trick?”

“Wait, you didn’t do it on purpose? How disappointing! And here I was hoping you did it as a second prank!”

“Second prank? What do you mean?”

“C’mon, Donnie, don’t you remember anything anymore? We had this bet, remember, that you’d be able to tell the whole world about our special relationship without telling about it directly. As the first prank, I dared you and Melania to redesign the Rose Garden so that it looks like my favorite park in Moscow, Gorky Park.”

“Oh, now I remember. Melania got so much shit for that! Everyone blamed her for killing Jackie’s roses.”

“I remember that, and very few people actually noticed that it looked like my Gorky Park. But it was still so much fun.”

“Not for me, no. Or Melania.”

“Oh, c’mon, you are not mad at me for that, are you? Well, anyway, see how perceptions can be different: You see Trump, while I see ‘ru’ in that NFT.”

“It wasn’t intended that way.” (grumpily)

“Well, too bad. Do you want me to discard it as a second prank then? Because if I do, then you are back to one and need to do two more.”

“Well, if you say it works as a second prank, let’s count it in. Let’s just count it in.”

“Great! Then you just have one more to do, and we are good. But make it a good one, and as unexpected as this one, with a deep coded message” (chuckles).

“I’ll try.”

“By the way, Donnie, you owe me two million bucks.”

“Two million?” (shocked) “For what?”

“Who do you think bought all those NFTs of yours?” (chuckles)

“You??? This cannot be!”

“Of course, it’s me! Who else would buy them so quickly?” to the side, “and at this point?”

“My fans and supporters!”

“I’m your biggest fan, Donnie, don’t you know that?”

“You are???”

“Of course, how can you even doubt that?”

“Well, I’m flattered, but… I thought it was my real fans here at home.”

“Wait, are you not happy with me buying your NFTs?”

“Not if I have to pay back for them. And how did you manage to buy them? Aren’t you under sanctions to do financial transactions in America?”

“Well, thankfully, you yourself set up an option to buy NFTs in crypto.”

“Ah, yeah, so you bought them with crypto?”

“Yes, I spent a whole four million of my hard-earned dollars in bitcoins on them.”

“And now you want two million back?” (disbelief)

“Yes. Think about it. It’s a win-win, Donnie.”

“How so?” (still shocked)

“Well, you still make two million dollars out of thin air on this stupid transaction, and I get my bitcoins laundered and legitimized.”

“My trading cards are not stupid, Vlad. Everyone loves them!”

“Who’s everyone, Donnie?”

“Everyone who bought them! They get so many 5-star reviews! Wonderful, beautiful reviews.”

“I bought them all, Donnie. The reviews are from my little army of online bots.”

Silence.

“I still can’t believe it, Vlad. Believe me, I thought my fans bought them.”

“Again, Donnie, you are talking to your biggest fan.”

“Well, if you say so. How are you going to get your money, if you are under sanctions?”

“Easy, Donnie. You will get separate instructions shortly on how to transfer the money to one of my offshore accounts.”

“Alright then, I’ll wait for the instructions. I’m still losing two million dollars, though.”

“No, Donnie, you are getting two million dollars. For NFTs that do not even exist in the real world. Look at it like an optimist, not a pessimist.”

“I would have gotten all that money if you didn’t buy them all, from my supporters.”

“I doubt it.”

“I don’t. They would have sold like hot cakes, just like the first batch.”

“It was all me, too, Donnie.”

“No way!”

“Yes way, I just wanted to support you as a friend.”

“You are crushing me here, Vlad! I thought my fans were buying my cards!”

“Again, your biggest fan, Donnie. Besides, I’m pretty sure your NFTs would have sold out without my help, eventually, I just wanted to speed it all up for you. So that you could brag to the whole world about how quickly you sold them.”

“I appreciate it, Vlad, I really do, but now I can’t be so sure. I am planning to do another release in six months, could you please just give it a rest. I want to see how quickly they will sell.”

“As you wish, Donnie, I won’t do anything.”

“Ok. But I still hate that I have to pay you back two million. Can’t you just let it go?”

“I would love to, Donnie, but money is tight now, everything is tied up in the sanctioned and frozen accounts. I really need this live and laundered money.”

“Alright, then I guess I’ll have to get the two million back in some other way.”

“I have an idea for you, Donnie.”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“I can release some of the NFTs I bought and you can have some of your many SuperPACs buy them. Let’s do like a mystery auction, which will drive their price even higher.”

“That’s a brilliant idea, Vlad!” (a lot more cheerful) “I’ll start making some calls.”

“Ok, and I’ll have someone send you the wiring instructions.”

“Ok, Vlad, bye for now!”

“Bye, Donnie, and good luck with your NFTs!” After hanging up, “I guess we’ll see who really wants to buy them after I release them.”