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Moscow's Calling - 19

A friend is excited to see the movie about his friend

By Lana V LynxPublished 17 days ago Updated 15 days ago 5 min read
By Ukrainian cartoonist Oleh Smal, specially for the author

This conversation happened on or around June 6, 2024, after Trump's lawyers threatened to sue the filmmakers of The Apprentice.

“Hello, Donnie?!” [slightly excited]

“Yes, Vlad, what’s up?”

“I’ve just watched the movie!”

“Which one?”

“The new one, The Apprentice, about you!”

“Oh my god, that dreadful disgrace of a movie?”

“It got a standing ovation at the Cannes festival, Donnie. How can you call it a disgrace?”

“I don’t care if Hollywood liked it! It’s a horrible movie, they told me.”

“Who told you so?”

“Dan Snyder, my pal who invested in the film. Can you imagine, Vlad? He gave them the money, to this hot new Iranian director Abbas…”

“Abbasi, you mean.”

“Whatever, does it really matter? Dan gave him the money to make a good movie about me, and this f*cking moron made horrible trash! Just horrible!”

“Have you seen it yourself, Donnie?”

“Of course not! I don’t watch anything that is trashing me.”

“See, Donnie, I didn’t really think it trashed you.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Well, Dan told me it was really bad. He even issued a cease-and-desist letter to the filmmakers, so that it is not distributed in its current cut.”

“Does that mean they will have to change it?”

“Yes, my lawyers are also on the case. That garbage should not see the light of day.”

“Again, Donnie, I don’t think it’s garbage.”

“Well, my people told me it is.”

“They are just overly protective of you, I think, Donnie.”

“In any case, if they don’t change it to make me look good, we will sue them into the ground for malicious defamation, misrepresentation, trespassing, bad faith, whatever works! They will never make a dime on it!”

“See, again, Donnie, I think you are overreacting. I really liked it!”

“And how exactly did you watch it, Vlad? I don’t remember you going to the Cannes and the film is not in distribution yet.”

“I have the guys, Donnie. They’d do and get anything for me. I told them I wanted to see the new movie about you, and it was on my desk the next day. The director’s cut, I was told.”

“That’s so impressive, Vlad! I wish I had guys like that.”

“I can send you a copy, Donnie, just say the word.”

“Of your guys?”

“No, of your movie.”

“I would much prefer your guys, Vlad. I just wish I had guys like that, who would do and get anything for me. Anything! Just like Roy Cohn did.”

“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about! A good half of the movie is about you and Roy Cohn, and I really liked it.”

“Oh, really? I was told that it does not portray me well, like I turned my back on Roy and betrayed him.”

“Didn’t you, Donnie, for real?”

“Well, if you asked him, he’d probably say I did. But for me, I just…” [looking for words]

“You just didn’t need him anymore. Like any good student, you outgrew your teacher and became better than him in whatever he taught you!”

“That’s exactly right, Vlad! How did you know? Did they show it in the movie?”

“Not directly like that, but it is implied. It is exactly like my relationship with Berezovsky.”

“Bere… who?”

“Boris Berezovsky, the Yeltsin oligarch who helped me become the president of Russia and thought that I’d be forever grateful to him, and he’d be keeping me on a tight leash.”

“Ah, I vaguely remember now. Didn’t he commit suicide, like hung himself on his own tie?”

“Yeah, yeah, the gruesome details are not important now. What is important is that I learned everything I could from him and then kicked him out of my life. Because he couldn’t teach me anything anymore and because he still thought he could control me. I showed him control!”

“That’s exactly right, Vlad! Just like me and Roy!”

“Exactly!”

“So, if you liked the movie maybe I should watch it as well.”

“You definitely should, Donnie, just keep in mind what I said about the student and the teacher, and you will like it too, I’m sure.”

“Yeah? I was told that the guy who played me was really good.”

“Oh my god, Donnie, Sebastian Stan is the best Trump I’ve ever seen! He got you to a tee – the speech pattern, the mannerisms, the walk. There’s a scene there where he is just walking, crossing a New York City street. It gave me chills. It was like looking at you when you were young!”

“That good, ah?” [flattered] “You are really selling it well to me, Vlad. I’m getting more interested. How about the guy who played Roy?”

“Jeremy Strong is excellent! He honed his acting chops in the Succession, playing the elder son. One of the best actors of his generation!”

“Oh my, Vlad, I would never make you for a movie buff!”

“Only certain movies, Donnie, with deep psychological twists and turns. I enjoy movies and shows about people’s relationships of dominance and control. Need to keep in shape, you know, and some of them have new tricks I could use.”

“Oh wow, high praise from a skillful and experienced politician, some would say a manipulator but I don’t really like that word, like you. You’ve convinced me, I’ll watch the movie. Definitely watch it. Maybe just skip that bad scene with Ivana.”

“Oh, you should watch that one too, Donnie! It’s a master class in re-establishing control over your woman and teaching her a good lesson!”

“See, that’s why I like you so much, Vlad! You think exactly like me! I’ll watch it then too.”

“Should I send you the copy then?”

“Nah, I’m pretty sure I can get it from Dan, like I want to evaluate it and see if it is salvageable. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. We’ll see what happens. Dan would be happy to get at least some of his money back from this movie.”

“Oh, I’m sure the movie will make him a lot of money, Donnie. It has everything in it, to each his own.”

“What does it really mean, Vlad, to each his own? I’m hearing this phrase a lot recently. Just hear it so often, to each his own.”

“It’s from Latin suum cuique, Donnie. When it comes to the film, it means that anyone who watches it will interpret it in a different way, according to their own preconceptions and ideas. Those who like you will like you even more when they see it. And those who don’t like you will be just pissed off, but who cares, they won’t vote for you anyway.”

“That’s great, Vlad, I always learn something new from you!”

“Just don’t turn on me like on Roy Cohn, Donnie!” [chuckles]

“I would never, Vlad! See, I don’t think of you as a teacher I can outgrow. So, I’d never! We are friends, right?”

“I was just teasing, Donnie. But friends is exactly right. I have to go now, but do watch that movie. Let’s talk about it later.”

“Deal, Vlad. Bye for now!”

“Bye, Donnie!”

controversiestrumpsatirepresidentpoliticspoliticiansmovie reviewfact or fiction

About the Creator

Lana V Lynx

Avid reader and occasional writer of satire and short fiction. For my own sanity and security, I write under a pen name. My books: Moscow Calling - 2017 and President & Psychiatrist

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Comments (3)

  • Lamar Wiggins17 days ago

    Ha! I’m intrigued but will probably never watch it. I did however watch a few seasons of the apprentice. Ahhh, what would life be like now for him and us if he’d stuck to that instead of ruining politics, lol.

  • Oh wow, I didn't know anything about this movie. I loved how Donnie thought Vlad wanted to a copy of his guys 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • Andrea Corwin 17 days ago

    Excellent! I saw that at Cannes the audience gasped at the scene between Ivana and him. He likes the spotlight and his name in the news and headlines so there it is, for him, LOL.

Lana V LynxWritten by Lana V Lynx

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