Moscow's Calling - 10

This conversation happened on July 4, 2023.

“Happy Independence Day, Donnie!”

“Who is this?”

“C’mon, Donnie, we haven’t spoken for a couple of weeks, and you are pretending not to know me? It’s Vladimir, your friend you call Vlad.”

“Oh my God, Vlad, I really didn’t recognize you at first!”

Putin, to the side, “Yeah, sure, like I believe you.”

Trump, “Truly, you sound like you are calling from some underground.”

“You have no idea, Donnie.”

“Are you in a bunker, Vlad?”

“You and your bunker obsession again, Donnie. No, I’m not in a bunker.”

“Really? Why is the connection so bad, then? I really can’t hear you that well.”

“Try changing your ear, Donnie.”

“What???”

“Put the phone to your other ear, Donnie!”

“Oh my God, Vlad, this did help! How did you know?”

“You are 77, Donnie, and I noticed that you turn your right ear to people when you listen. When did you have a doctor check your hearing?”

“My hearing is perfect, thank you very much, Vlad. My body is perfect, works just fine.”

“Don’t get offended, Donnie. We are getting older, we need to get regular checkups.”

“Maybe others do, I don’t. I play golf and move around a lot. Going around the country again, for my rallies.” (excited) “It feels good, to have so many people come out to support me. So many people! Have you seen my signature dance, Vlad?”

“Oh, the one where, as some memes say, you are jerking off two imaginary giraffes at the same time?” (chuckles)

“That's mean, Vlad." (sounds offended)

"No, Donnie, memes."

"Who says that?"

“The Internets, Donnie.”

“Well, I don’t know. Never saw that one. Jason says my dance is sweeping the nation.”

“Who’s Jason?”

“My Jason, Miller, my campaign manager.”

“Ok then.”

“Was there something important you called me about, Vlad?”

“Don’t pout, Donnie. I called to wish you Happy Independence Day.”

“Thank you.” (still pouting)

“And wish you true independence from wokeism, communism, and fascism that are killing America today” (giggles to the side in excitement).

“Thank you, Vlad.” (warming up) “The only way to stop that is for me to get elected again. Only I can fix the broken America. Only I can fix it.”

“I know, Donnie, that’s why I’m rooting for you.”

“Are you really, Vlad?”

“Of course, why would you even doubt that?”

“Because you don’t really support me anymore, never call or say anything. Didn’t even call me when I said you should stay in power after your cook rebelled against you.”

“I was busy, Donnie, dealing with the shit he’d stirred up.”

“I understand, but still. That next in guy would have been awful. Just awful for Russia. I'm glad you've dealt with him. Are we still friends, Vlad?”

“Of course, we are.”

“Can I still count on your vote?”

“I can’t vote for you, Donnie.”

“I know, I meant in the general sense, count on your support.”

“Of course.”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if we ruled the world together again?”

“Yes, it would, Donnie, it would indeed.” (both sigh dreamily) “I will do anything I can to support you, Donnie.”

“Well, then how come I don’t feel the same support from you online, Vlad?”

“We had to disband the Prigozhin troll farm, Donnie. But we are establishing a new one, so I will ramp up the effort soon.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart, Donnie.”

“That would be the best Independence Day gift for me, Vlad.”

“You can count on me, Donnie. Alright, I have to go now and attend to some things. Happy Independence Day again, and keep working for a better America!” (after hanging up, “for me! I need you as president again, to stop American support for Ukraine.”)

Trump, after hanging up, “He is so moody but I’m glad he is not mad at me anymore.”