How To Improve A Dull Script.

How To Improve A Dull Script.

(NOT REALLY! A Political Parody!)

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How to improve a Script?

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NOTE: There are 2 versions of the following script.

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(Version 1) the Dull Version.

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AND

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Version 2 The Slightly Better Version.

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You kinda need to compare both to see where I am going with this.

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If you happen to be short of time then, by all means, skip version 1 and go straight to version 2.

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(But the joke will not be as funny)

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Version 1 the Dull Script.

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Scene:

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Average home living room House full of young children, two children are on the couch bickering.

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Tired Parent:

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“Right you lot, I am getting a bit grumpy now!

"Please, can you all learn to sit down?”

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Child 1 Medive:

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"Amed hit me!"

"Tell Him!"

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Child 2 Amed:

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"Medive stole my spot on the couch!

"I was here first!"

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Tired Parent:

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"Medive give your bother his spot back if he was there first!"

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Medive:

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"Jed said I could have this spot!"

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Tired Parent:

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"Jed is not in charge! "

"I am!"

(Parent turns their head towards the door)

"Jed!"

"JED!"

"Get in here."

"Now JED!"

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Enter Jed: as Stroppy slightly bigger and older child Holding a toy gun, the sort that fire foam darts.

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Tired Parent:

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"Jed! Since when were you entitled to allocate spots in MY house! The couch is Mine, the whole house is Mine."

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Jed:

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<mumbles while fiddling with the toy gun>

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Tired Parent:

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"Would you put that thing down,"

"You only ever cause trouble and usually end up hurting yourself with it!"

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Jed:

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"I Don’t wanna!"

"It’s My Gun!"

"You can’t take it!"

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Tired Parent:

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"I think you’d find I could young man!"

"What gave you heirs and graces to be able to allocate spots on the couch?"

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Jed:

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"Just wanted to keep the kids occupied,"

"And somewhere else to go other than My room!"

"I got my own stuff I want to do!"

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Tired Parent:

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"You cannot do that Jed!"

"Again you do not own this place, I love you and welcome you."

"It is your Home, But you DO NOT OWN IT!"

"Don't treat it as if you do!"

"Are we clear?"

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Jed:

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<in sulky tone>

"Suppose so."

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<Amends and Medive's fighting escalates.>

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Tired Parent:

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"For goodness sake you two!"

" No one is even going to remember whose spot was whose by this time tomorrow,"

"Just play nicely together!"

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Jed:

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"China acts like She owns the place too?"

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Tired Parent:

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"And when I see China I will tell her off too,"

"And while she does disrespect me,"

"At least she is trying to clean up this place!"

"Seriously it is a Total Mess!"

"You won’t be able to stand living here for much longer if you don’t start working on cleaning this place up!"

"It's all your Mess!"

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Jed:

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"You can't throw us out!"

"We live here."

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Tired Parent:

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"I love you all equally,"

" I am not throwing anyone out!"

"I meant you Literally won't be able to live here because the place will become uninhabitable!"

"You all need to start pulling your weight and clean this crap up!"

"And not just leave China to do it!"

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Jed:

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"She made the worst mess!"

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Tired Parent:

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"Yes, and she is cleaning that up AND yours!"

" While you still continue to add to the problem!"

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Jed:

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"She does not even like you!"

"You Know! She thinks you’re a Dick!"

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Tired Parent:

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"Language!"

" To be honest, I don’t care at this moment,"

" I still love her as much as you and your brothers,"

" I don’t care for now, as long as your health is not badly affected by living here!"

" It is your home!"

" It is Your Mess!"

" Please, Pretty Please with sugar on top!"

" Clean this house UP!"

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Jed:

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"Why don’t you clean it up!"

" You're supposed to look after us!"

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Tired Parent:

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"Because my main job as a parent is to teach you to look after yourselves!"

" To become independent and Self Reliant!"

" You are not Entitled to just coast through life getting what you want!"

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Jed:

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"Am So!"

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Tired Parent:

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"I am getting a little sick and tired of your attitude and this millennial self-entitled crap you keep pulling JED!"

" Stop it! "

"Stop it Now!"

" I told your brother Charles and now I am telling you!"

" Realise you are no more or less important or more or less loved than any of the other children in this house!"

" Understand!"

" Please stop fiddling with that stupid toy and listen to me when I am talking to you!"

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Jed:

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"I am special!"

"I am! "

"I am!"

" I am!"

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<Jed storms out in a huff>

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END

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Well, that was a really Really dull script!

Shit that was dull!

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Lets now try and improve it by a few very subtle changes,

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See if you can spot them ALL?

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Version 2, Slightly improved Script

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Scene:

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Average home living room House full of young children, two children are on the couch bickering.

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Tired Higher Power:

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“Right you lot,"

" I am getting a bit grumpy now!"

" Please, can you all learn to sit down!”

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Child 1 Isreal:

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"Palestine hit me!"

"Tell Him!"

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Child 2 Palatine:

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"Isreal stole my spot in the world!

" I was here first!"

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Tired Higher Power:

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"Isreal, give your bother his spot back if he was there first!

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Isreal:

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"America said I could have this spot!"

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Tired Higher Power:

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"America is not in charge!"

" I am!"

(The Tired Higher Power turns their head towards the door)

"America!"

" AMERICA!"

" Get in here."

" Now AMERICA!"

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<Enter America: as Stroppy slightly bigger and older child Holding a Second Amendment, the sort that gets people killed.>

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Tired Higher Power:

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"America!"

" Since when were you entitled to allocate spots on MY Earth!"

" The Earth is Mine,"

"The whole Universe is Mine."

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America:

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<mumbles while fiddling with the Second Amendment>

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Tired Higher Power:

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"Would you put that thing down,"

"You only ever cause trouble and usually end up hurting yourself with it!"

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America:

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"I Don’t wanna!"

" It’s My Second Amendment"

"You can’t take it!"

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Tired Higher Power:

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"I think you’d find I could young man!"

" What gave you heirs and graces to be able to allocate spots on the Planet?"

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America:

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"Just wanted to keep the kids occupied,"

"And somewhere else to go other than My Country!"

" I got my own stuff I want to do!"

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Tired Higher Power:

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"You cannot do that America!"

" Again you do not own this place,"

" I love you and welcome you. It is your Home,"

" But you DO NOT OWN IT!"

" Don't treat it as if you do!"

" Are we clear?"

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America:

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<in sulky tone>

"Suppose so."

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<Palestine and Isreal’s fighting escalate.>

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Tired Higher Power:

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"For goodness sake you two! "

"No one is even going to remember whose spot was whose in a mere million years time!"

" Just play nicely together!"

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America:

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"China acts like She owns the place too?"

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Tired Higher Power:

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"And when I see China I will tell her off too, "

"And while she does disrespect me,

"At least she is trying to clean up this place!"

" Seriously it is a Total Mess, you won’t be able to stand living here for much longer if you don’t start working on cleaning this place up!"

" It's all your Mess!"

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America:

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"You can't throw us out! "

"We live here."

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Tired Higher Power:

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"I love you all equally, "

"I am not throwing anyone out,"

" I meant you Literally won't be able to live here because the place will become uninhabitable!"

" You all need to start pulling your weight and clean this crap up!"

" And not just leave China to do it!"

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America:

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"She made the worst mess!"

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Tired Higher Power:

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"Yes, and she is cleaning that up AND yours!"

" While you still continue to add to the problem!"

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America:

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"She does not even like you!"

" You Know! She thinks your just a Morphiate for the Masses!"

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Tired Higher Power:

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"Language!"

" To be honest, I don’t care at this moment,"

" I still love her as much as you and your brothers,"

" I don’t care for now, as long as your health is not badly affected by living here!"

" It is your home!"

" It is Your Mess!"

" Please, Pretty Please with sugar on top!"

" Clean this Planet UP!"

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America:

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"Why don’t you clean it up!"

" You're supposed to look after us!"

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Tired Higher Power:

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"Because my main job as a Higher Power,"

"Is to teach you to look after yourself!"

" To become independent and Self Reliant!"

" You are not Entitled to just coast through History getting what you want!"

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America:

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"Am So!"

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Tired Higher Power:

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"I am getting a little sick and tired of your attitude and this Manifest Destiney crap you keep pulling AMERICA! "

"Stop it!"

" Stop it Now!"

" I told your brother the United Kingdom and now I am telling you!"

" Realise you are no more or less important or more or less loved than any of the other children on this Planet!"

" Understand!"

" Please stop fiddling with that stupid Amendment and listen to me when I am talking to you!"

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America:

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"I am special!"

" I am!"

" I am!"

" I am!"

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<America storms out in a huff>

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FIN

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Did you spot all the changes?

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Please feel free to replace the character 'Tired Higher Power:' with any faith figure or deity of your choice.

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How much did you think the changes improved what would otherwise be a really dull piece of writing?

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