Dear Donald Trump

Dear Donald Trump,

Hi. How's it going? I am guessing not too bad since you may very well be elected as the next president of the United States despite all those pesky felonies and what-not. In case you were wondering, though I am fairly certain you are not, I am doing OK. Generally speaking things have been going fairly well and I am very much enjoying my new home in Baja, California, Mexico. It's pretty sweet. I have a big place I could never afford in a million years just across the border in Southern California in San Diego. Real estate along with utilities and just about everything else there costs a small fortune, and my wife and I do not make nearly enough money as research scientists to afford to buy a home or live there. My place in Mexico is super affordable and the cost of living overall is very reasonable. Did I mention my house has an elevator! An elevator! I guess for you that is probably not a big deal, but for me it is a thing I never dreamed possible. I also happen to live right on the ocean with a private beach and everything. Really, it is a dream come true though it comes with some downsides which are somewhat relevant to the reason I am writing you this letter.

Turns out my beautiful dream home happens to be in Tijuana very near the US-Mexico border. Actually I am closer to the beach town of Rosarito but officially my address is in Tijuana. It is a beautiful area. Reminds me a lot of Sarasota, Florida in the US though a little more downscale of course. We are only ten miles or so from the San Ysidro border crossing. In case you were not aware, San Ysidro is the busiest land border crossing in the world. And boy does it every feel like it on some days. Border wait times to get into the US or Mexico can really suck and people have been known to sit in their cars or stand on their feet for as long as 8 hours in lines that can stretch for miles. Fortunately, we have global entry which allows us to get into the US fairly quickly most days. On average I would say we spend only 20-45 minutes in line when we cross into the US. For my wife that is almost daily, though I only cross once or twice a week. Getting back into Mexico has been a real bear lately though with construction on the Mexico side and historically high border traffic slowing things down to a crawl. What once was a 10-20 minute maximum wait has stretched into 1 to 3 hours on busy days.

In any case I am not writing you to complain about border wait times, though it would be great if you could do something about that, wink, wink. Instead I am writing because I heard you say recently that if elected you would consider bombing the US-Mexico border and specifically that you would bomb the city of Tijuana where I happen to live. I wasn't sure if you were aware of the fact that approximately 1.5 million U.S. citizens live permanently in Mexico and many of those, like myself, have put down roots in Baja California's coastal cities, such as Rosarito Beach, where approximately 15,000 of us live less than 20 miles south of the border. Not sure exactly how large of bombs you were planning to use, but there is a high likelihood than you would injure, maim, or kill at least some of us in any bombing attack. Almost certainly you would damage or destroy some of our property. For obvious reasons I am not a fan of having my home destroyed or being injured or killed in a bomb attack originating from my own country. I am going to go out on a limb here and say my fellow US expats have a similar view. Assuming I did survive I have a feeling my Mexican neighbors would not take too kindly to having their friends and family members injured or killed and/or having there property destroyed either. They would probably be very angry in fact and might even consider such an attack an act of war. If that were the case, as a US citizen here, I might be now considered a foreign enemy and possibly arrested (best case) or have the crap beat of me and then killed (worst case). Definitely it would not engender a lot of good will from my neighborhood association, which is already sort of annoyed with me, for my constant bitching and moaning about all the damn potholes in the streets. On the plus side, potholes would seem a minor inconvenience compared to bomb craters in those same streets, but still.

In conclusion, and I never thought I would have to say this to anyone and I can't stress it enough, please do not bomb me.

Sincerely,

Dan