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You want to know what depression is like?

Depression

By Rafael Tavares Jr.Published 2 years ago 4 min read
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You want to know what depression is like? Well lets start off by taking your saddest moment. Even in that saddest moment a part of you knows that this will pass. At some point your reason for sadness will fade. It will die down you will move forward even if at that horrible moment it feels like your world will end.

That’s another thing you are aware why you are depressed. You can narrow it down find a solution and try and fix it. Maybe something inside you will fight you and try to keep you in that depression but you are aware of why you feel this way.

Tell me my friend, have you ever been in love? Well you know that feeling when you break with the person you love? That heart break that feels as if your very soul will tear in two. That your heart will rip itself from your chest through your throat and refuse to return. That feeling in the pit of your stomach of turmoil and that you will never be able to eat again. Well imagine that it never ended that it was always with you and you didn’t know why that’s how depression makes me feel.

I am not sure if others with depression feel this way but that’s how I feel. Over the years I have done many things to combat it. Yet one of the things that depression does is steal away the joy from things that give you life. Slowly, one by one, I have lost my escapes my outlets. Then the problem is that with the joy gone from these things I don’t feel like doing them, whats the point?

But I soldier on and do them any way hoping that one day i will leap home. Sorry couldn’t help it. Hoping that it will give me a moment of joy to release me from this prison of pain. Some have fallen to the wayside, others I continue, sometimes I stop altogether waiting so that I can build the push to do them again. It’s a disconcerting feeling to know that video games, music, writing, sports, comics, movies, reading and so on used to have a healing affect and one by one as if in a slasher movie they are gone and their power is mute. I find that out of all of them movies are still able to help me escape. Its my last vestige and I love to share it with those close to me. I find comfort, escape, release but even this is slowly fading. Its not that I dont attempt to do these things I try really hard.

I force myself to try new things talk to new people push forward. Yet its difficult because I must force myself and at times I just don’t feel like doing anything. When the joy of doing these things is not there you want to just say whats the point.

People are funny, they feign to understand or think they understand. Yet most times they don’t and i can respect that. My problem lies when they can not fathom that maybe they don’t understand.

Sometimes all I need from people is this will pass. I may want a hug but at times the depression makes it most unbearable to be touched. People give you pity or false affection or try to jump on you to comfort. They do what they think will help you and usually with out permission. Some even know that this will make things worse for you.

My favorite is the calls of get over it, or stop worrying about it or man up or the exclamation of your still depressed or that not understanding that you have no idea why your depressed. Sure sometimes there is a reason and those times are easier to manage but mostly there is not. And when the reason and non reason get together the pain is unbearable.

I find that those who have any form of depression are the worse for they should understand but most of them don’t. I have to say at times I fall into the category myself. Now I am not generalizing everyone just many of the people I have interacted with.

Yes there are people that understand and yes they can make you feel better. Yet we can not allow ourselves to rely on those people as much as we would wish to. I am not saying that they wont be there for you. What I am saying is that when these people that make you feel better are not there, maybe they just can't or maybe they leave they will take that with them.

Being friends with a person with depression is not easy. Most people just leave them to their darkness. It takes a lot to stay friends with them but know you are helping. Sometimes all we need is someone there.

depression
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