Psyche logo

Writing with ADHD and Chronic Procrastination

Working Around My Obstacle

By L. M. VeirsPublished about a year ago Updated about a year ago 6 min read
3
Writing with ADHD and Chronic Procrastination
Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Almost two years ago, at 62, I was diagnosed with ADHD, which in my case, comes with chronic procrastination. CP is not a symptom of ADHD, but it is commonly seen in those with ADHD. Understanding what ADHD is now, I know I have dealt with it my entire life. I have been told it is unusual to be diagnosed so late in life, but when I was young, there was no such thing as ADHD. When it started to be recognized, I was married with children. Odds were that even if it was being diagnosed when I was a child, I would not have aroused suspicion. Girls are better able to hide symptoms, which I unconsciously became very adept at.

As a child, I was sensitive, and it would not take much to upset me. This led to some people saying I was paranoid, so naturally, I believed it. I was always talking, was called lazy (it was procrastination), a daydreamer, forgetful, and easily distracted. In elementary school, I was inattentive and, in high school, put off studying, which would result in late-night cramming. Of course, my parents, not understanding their flighty child, would punish me hoping to correct all of these "faults" so when I became a mother and saw those things in my own child, out of ignorance, I did the same. (I am so sorry, baby!) For the record, punishing a child with ADHD will not correct their behavior, but it will cause them to have low self-esteem because it is neurological, not a choice.

As an adult, my symptoms began to manifest themselves in different ways. Dinner was always late. One year, my mother asked me to make the Thanksgiving turkey. That never happened again. Actually, I am late a lot, even if well prepared beforehand. I am very impatient and can suffer extreme anxiety if the circumstances are right. I am still forgetful, but now it's not my homework, library book, or forgetting to lock the front door. It's not remembering where I put my keys, wallet, shoes, and phone, and yes, I still forget to lock the door. I am still sensitive as hell and talk a lot. If I interrupt you, it's not because I'm being rude; I may forget what I wanted to say, so I just blurt it out. I also became a door slammer. If circumstances would not allow me to cuss someone out, I would just walk out and slam the door. It got the point across.

One thing I learned about ADHD is that most of us who have this condition do very well at particular jobs, such as teaching, writing, art, hospitality, and technical positions. Interestingly, I always have, in one way or another, gravitated to these areas. When I graduated high school, I enlisted in the military and became a laboratory technician. I have taught in several different capacities, most recently at my former job, where I was tasked with running our leadership development program. I had no experience with this, but I did the research, wrote my own program, and it was successful. The thing that brings me the most joy, however, is writing. I have a vivid imagination; as a child, I would make up wild stories and tell them as if they had happened.

When I was in 7th grade, my science teacher stated that no one could write a poem on Albert Einstein's Theory of Relativity. Really? I raised my hand and said, "I can." He laughed and said, "If you do it, I'll give you an A for the semester." I was currently getting a C, so this was an attractive offer, but I would have still done it even if he hadn't made it. I always got immense pleasure in proving people wrong, even at that age, and still do, as my husband can tell you. I went home that day and didn't come out of my room except for dinner. The next day I turned in The Theory of Relativity - A Poem. He had me read it to the class. I received applause and my A. One thing you should never do is tell me I can't do something. I will move heaven and earth to prove you wrong.

One of the reasons why people with ADHD do so well in certain areas is our ability to hyper-focus, especially with tasks we enjoy. In my case, that is writing. In school, I was hyper-focused on the things I enjoyed doing but not so much on what I didn't. For instance, I excelled in English and related subjects but hated Math. When I wrote the poem for my science teacher, I was hyper-focused. I am hyper-focused right now.

Nine years ago, after we moved to our new state, I found a job in customer service, excelled at it, and within 2 years, became a manager. My ADHD was still around, but those coping strategies to hide what I didn't know was wrong with me kicked in. Also, being responsible for others and their success made it easier to push through. Then, I was laid off about three or four months before Covid-19 hit our area. While I wasn't thrilled about it at the time, it was a blessing in disguise. I had no desire to put my health in jeopardy. Being in my sixties, I knew my risk was higher to become seriously ill. It also allowed me to think about what I wanted to do for myself. I wanted to write. This was when my chronic procrastination reared up. No teacher promised me a reward, no one I needed to prove wrong, and no work deadline where others depended on me. Most of my success in the past was driven by the expectations of others. Now there was only me, left to my own devices. I was my worst enemy.

With chronic procrastination and ADHD, it's not the actual writing that's the problem, although I also deal with self-doubt and overthinking. It's getting started. It is the invisible wall. When describing this wall to people, I get strange looks, but it is an actual physical sensation. No matter how hard I try to sit down and start something, whether writing or studying, I just can't. The best way I have heard it explained is by VeryWellMind - "…you may experience a painful sense of paralysis when faced with a task or project—wanting to get started, but unable to make progress forward in any manner. You may experience a crushing sense of pressure. As much as you know that you need to get the job done, you just can't get moving."

So, what is a writer like me to do? The thing that has helped me most recently is knowing my limitations. At this time, writing a novel under the current circumstances would be extremely difficult and would only end in defeat, which has, in the past, resulted in not writing for months or sometimes years. Recently I attended an online seminar and learned one of the lecturers, who was very successful, only wrote short stories. This gave me food for thought. I realized that the 7th grader who wrote a poem about an unlikely subject in one night was onto something. I have a voice and don't need to write a novel to express it. I started writing suspense and crime stories (my favorite genres), and articles on social justice issues. Finding Vocal was also the inspiration that I needed. After many years of not completing a project, I finished my first short story, Ill-gotten, and posted it on Vocal's website. I cannot describe the sense of accomplishment I felt. Even being able to write this article in an afternoon about my struggles has been therapeutic.

One day I may pen that novel, but the goal now is to finish everything I start and bring pleasure and sometimes knowledge to the reader. Each completed story or article is a victory and a step in the right direction.

disordercoping
3

About the Creator

L. M. Veirs

I am a short story writer who likes to keep my readers in suspense. I also blog about social justice issues that I am passionate about and advocate for change.

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  2. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

Add your insights

Comments

L. M. Veirs is not accepting comments at the moment

Want to show your support? Become a pledged subscriber or send them a one-off tip.

Find us on social media

Miscellaneous links

  • Explore
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Support

© 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.