Why I'm Letting Go
Sometimes you figure out that it's time to let go of things that no longer serve you.
Let's face it: all of us face some kind of bullshit on a daily basis. It's either from being at work or getting a super weird message that throws off your whole day. I've been there way too recently than I care to admit, but hey, bullshit happens. It's how we deal with it that really makes us be able to move on from it and continue to live our lives. It sometimes blows my mind how I can hold onto something way longer, or think I'm completely over something because I told myself to be over it, but it pops it's ugly head up six months later. I used to think boxing up the bullshit and pretending it didn't affect me would work. Compartmentalize and deal with it later. Guess what? Didn't work! So what is there to do now?
I've started trying to let the bullshit go. What do I mean by that? I mean sitting with it, accepting and acknowledging its existence and deal with it until I'm ready to let go. It doesn't help to continue to dwell on something that keeps dragging you down, unless you're not wanting to acknowledge and accept it. No one wants to accept the bullshit. It's bullshit for a reason! No one wakes up in the morning and says "I'm so excited to see what bullshit comes my way today!". Absolutely not, but it does happen. Acknowledging the existence of it when it happens to you is something I've found to be so helpful. Once I'm able to acknowledge and accept, I'm able to understand how it's making me feel. Then, I'm able to decide how I want to handle it and how I want to feel about it.
Letting go is such an incredible experience. There are multiple times in the day where I let that bullshit go because there's no reason for me to let something so minuscule affect the rest of my day. Obviously, there are some major bullshit moments that can't just go away quickly. I've found that meditating on those moments and picturing myself forgiving and letting go actually helps. My cousin Chelsea (hey girl) laughed at me this time last year when she was meditating and I said I just didn't get it. One year later and it's something I try to do every day. I use those moments to reflect on things I'm still holding onto and I'm realizing don't serve a positive purpose. I've experienced these moments and find myself still dwelling on them. So in these moments, I find myself trying to let go. And when I do, it's an incredibly moving experience.
This past weekend, when I was home, I decided that there was too much I was still holding onto that I needed to release and let go. I wrote letters, SO MANY LETTERS, to people, moments, memories that keep bringing me down. It was an incredible experience that I recommend to those that feel like they need to do something physical in order to let go of things. I realized in these moments how long I had been sitting on some if not most of these moments. I'd let so many of these people and memories dictate how I interact with those in my life now, that I end up self-sabotaging because I can't separate the past from my present. So I wrote and wrote and wrote. Turned into a two-hour writing session with multiple pages and hand cramps to go around. Finally, I decided that I needed to do something that would really symbolize that I was letting go. I grabbed a mason jar, some matches and lit those bitches on fire. It was a moment I will remember as a time where I really felt myself letting go of so much hurt, pain, anger and hostility that I didn't even know I was still holding onto after all this time.
It's crazy to think of how much we carry around in our daily lives and how much of that can get brought into new relationships, experiences and moments. So many things in my life could have turned out differently, but there's nothing I can do to change them now. All I can do is be present and acknowledge that I am letting go of that bullshit from my past so it doesn't dictate my future. Obviously, it's not like all of these things went "POOF!" and are gone forever, but at least it feels like a big step forward into cleansing myself of the negative. It really just felt like I was saying "I am ready to move forward with my life. I have no use for you anymore. Goodbye". I am so grateful for the experience and am happy to have advanced the healing process for myself. I hope that this possibly inspires you to face the bullshit from your past, or maybe even current bullshit, so you can continue to move forward and to live your life in a brighter and lighter way.