Who Needs a Therapist When (Pt. 15)

So, as I may have mentioned previously, I have only been medicating with basically a little THC and some lifestyle maintenance things.

It hasn't been ideal. Turns out, that while Effexor didn't raise my blood pressure (which is apparently a common thing), going off of it has permanently tanked it, meaning that I'm sort of prone to lightheadedness now. And the THC is pretty effective at some things, but building up enough in my system for low level effects has its own awfulness. Dissociation and brain fog aren't really helped by low levels of THC flowing through the bloodstream, and the combination of low blood pressure and slow metabolism means that a good nightly buzz is still going to be buzzing come morning. And a fair bit stronger than I might like.

Besides, if I am going to start looking for jobs, that is the one drug that I really need to start avoiding.

But I've made it here in part with the help of a different type of drug.

Over the last couple of years, there have been increasingly positive studies linking Psilocybin to depression treatments. Varying from "one strong dose can have positive effects for months" to "microdosing is more effective than most anti-depressants" types of results.

Now, I haven't been willing to stay on any medication long enough to really get the "treatment resistant" depression label, but if high side effects with crappy actual effects counts, well, maybe that is me. And those are the people that this is supposed to help most.

So, several months back I tried the "one and done" method. I didn't see any real hallucinations, mostly just visual fracturing and fractals, and I didn't experience any great spiritual wave, but I also wasn't expecting to. I think you have to be at least open to the idea of a greater being in order to feel one.

But—aside from the hellova headache the next day—I spent the next few months less... depressed. Not less anxious. But more focused. More motivated. More able to tolerate little issues. My sleep wasn't better, but it felt like it mattered less. That effect has long faded, and with all the other chemicals fading in and fading out of my system, it is hard to say if that was just summer, or actual effect. So, I'd like to try in.

Now, the big issue is that shrooms are a controlled substance in most Western countries, and quite a few outside of that.

So, let's just say that I'm moving to Samoa for a few months. I'm sure the beaches will be a nice addition to my day to day, but the internet is everywhere, so I'll be able to keep up on everything all the same. ;) I'm going to start trying microdosing, just to see how that works, and then from there, who knows.

But, hey, until I can get a doctor to figure out what is actually wrong inside my head, this seems like a good holdover.

Last Week's (Pt. 14)

Part One