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When Suicide Is Never the Answer...

by Mother Superior 5 years ago in humanity
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Regardless of What the Question Is

This morning I woke up and did my partially normal routine. Though my kids don't go back to school until tomorrow, I still needed to be up to get my husband going and prepare myself for the day. I made his sandwich, prepared his coffee, and drove him to work like any other day. On my way back home I felt partially lost and weary because he was off the whole week of Christmas so I'll definitely miss his presence around the house. I arrived home to hear the youngest start to wake up (don't worry, I didn't leave him alone). I went in and got him out of his bed and gave him an extra big hug. This morning something just felt off about life so I felt the need to hold him a little longer. After awhile I got him ready to head out into the freezing cold to head to daycare. It's Florida but yes we still get ridiculously cold here. It's one of those I love it, I hate it things. My mother in law took the little one and headed out as I enjoyed the silence of the house for about three minutes until my youngest five-year-old woke up. He sat with me shortly until I decided to get up and start checking my classes for this semester as well as throw in a load of laundry. Now mind you it's only about 7:30 AM, and I find myself daydreaming on Facebook. I scroll down to find that a close friend of mine has lost one of her best friends due to a suicide. I felt sad for her. I followed the links to the friend's page who I have 27 mutual friends in common with and saw that she was not only successful and beautiful but she has a four-year-old child! My heart was breaking for her family and her son. I continued on my merry way through my Facebook feed and found that another friend lost someone as well due to a suicide over the holiday weekend. While the first suicide suffered in silence, it appears that this second woman was suffering constantly. One was successful and full of potential, hanged herself in the front yard due to some emotional restraints on her heart. The other had been a habitual drug user who was in and out of rehab, jail and constantly in pain. Regardless of their situations, they're both gone and left their families to face the eternal emotional pain. I almost put my phone down because by this point I was myself emotionally drained, but I kept looking through my feed. Then I come to find a local officer, as well as a former school resource officer, had taken his own life in the parking lot of a church. The worst part is my husband knew him and thought he was not only a positive mentor but also a cheery man. So that's three; three people who took their own lives, three sets of families that will continue to suffer and wonder why. What could they have done to help? Hundreds of friends and members of the community that wish they could have seen some sort of trigger and aided in recovery for these lost souls. Today I'm praying a little harder, hugging my children a little tighter, and telling my husband how much I love and appreciate him. I've had some tragic moments in my life, hard times I thought I would never get out of, moments I thought that parenting was not for me, but no matter what I have always always tried to push myself to believe that fighting my way through life even if I was struggling and in pain would be ten times better than leaving my family and children behind. I never want my children to think that I left them or that I didn't care; I wouldn't want them to blame themselves. Part of me is angry that these people chose suicide, but this is my feeling; I have no idea how hard things really were for them, and the only thing I can do is pray for their families. Please remember that if you're suffering, you never have to do so alone; there is always someone to talk to, whether it be family, the church, or even a hotline you can call in your area. Someone loves you even when you don't love yourself.

humanity

About the author

Mother Superior

I’m a full time mom and full time student.. 4 kids and a husband.. I’m busy, I’m tired and sometimes my kids drive me bat shit crazy!

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