When Marriage Goes Wrong

Domestic violence is a constant issue in society when it comes to married couples. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why anyone would stay in a relationship with someone who batters them, physically, mentally, emotionally, and the one we rarely talk about is sexually. Sexual abuse in a marriage seems to get overlooked because for some reason, society expects that if a woman says yes to marriage, then her husband has a right to have sex with her any time he wants, never mind her feelings.

In the past two or three years, I have noticed that domestic violence against women has seemed to escalate. Currently in the news is the Dulos case in which the wife has been missing since May 2019. No trace of her has been found. Now it is known that Mr. Dulos had tried to run his wife down with the car two years before her disappearance. Apparently the wife was so scared of her husband, she was even scared to follow-up with police reports. In this particular case, there were five children involved, so when did the relationship turn abusive? It probably was abusive from the beginning, but the little signs of abuse can easily be misinterpreted for concern, when actually it is control the abuser is after.

Most people cannot imagine the level of bullying that comes with domestic violence. It seems that aggression usually meets passive. A passive person would have no idea how to deal with aggression, because it is something that is not understandable. When the abuser tells it, the abused won't recognize herself. Of course he has to make her out to be a bad person, because he needs an excuse to justify his propensity to be abusive to her.

No one should stay in a loveless marriage. There can be no love where there is abuse, only survival. Survival becomes the main focus, getting through one day at a time, having a back up plan when confronted with abuse, and knowing that you may not get out. Where does a woman with five children go anyway? Do your research and know what to do when the time comes you want to get out.

Every day women die from domestic violence. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 1300 women die each year from domestic violence. 2 million women are injured because of domestic violence, and 5.3 million incidents of domestic violence are reported. Imagine that we live in a world where women are being violated on a regular basis.

You don't have to live with abuse, you can leave, but leave safely, and seek help. Hope is possible.

The number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233. Use it if and when you need it, it may save your life.