When it Sucks to Suck...

Everything in life is going great. Work is good, home life is great, you feel like your on the top of the world. Then out of no where, it starts to slip away, and you can't quite figure out where you've went wrong. Everything you touch seems like you mess up or break. Every word you say is the wrong one and you can't seem to have anyone understand you. Your misunderstood with your feelings and can't seem to gather them up to even be able to explain them. Your mind becomes cloudy and you can't seem to see, or think straight. You start to feel anxious and aren't really sure why. Then you start to over think every step you make, every look you give, every word you say. You start to question things that you used to be so sure of. You go to work, hoping for a good day, and it turns on you. Then you go home and you can't gather yourself enough to get done what needs to. You try to find little things to make you smile through the day, but then let discouraging remarks take your smile from you. You pick up a new hobby, just to find out, you're really just not as good as you thought you were. Then you tell yourself, "Don't give up, people count on you." But look around and see that you feel alone. The ones you feel count on you, you feel like you can't get nothing right with. You feel your world crashing all around you.

I say it a lot, "It sucks to suck", especially when something is going wrong, or I've done something wrong. It's very negative, but when that's all you feel, is that you just suck, then it just sucks to suck.

Improving yourself, means improving your mental health as well. And that is something that has taken me a very long time to be able to learn. Being negative is so easy, but so draining and discouraging. If you think negative, then that's the outcome that you will receive.

Honestly, I have felt like that, it sucks to suck, for as long as I can remember. And I'm sure you can relate in some way. From growing up, to being an adult. With your parents, to friends at schools, to other personal relationships, and then being a parent yourself, and we can't forget, work. There's been at least one time, where you find yourself just feeling sucky. However, growing up with that feeling, and then trying to be an adult and learn to not suck at life, is a challenge. Trying to find the little positive buried in the pile of negative. BUT, I've learned, it's there. Weather it be a lesson learned or a reward found when that positive has come to surface. You just have to find it. It's up to you to be the positive. Changing your entire thinking and way you view everything. Talk about not easy, but improvement never comes easy, right? You can't control others reaction to you, but you can control your reaction to others. If you're reaction is better and calmer then theirs, maybe then, you can have better communication, or connection, maybe better understanding, to help the situation you're facing.

In my personal experience, being able to smoke cannabis, has improved my life and heath a lot. Even though I've been your typical "pot head" for half of my life, I've learned all the heath benefits cannabis offers. When I feel like I'm being to negative, or I'm just overwhelmed with life, I smoke and I am able to gather my feelings and thoughts better. I can slow down and am able to think about one thing at a time. Able to take a deep breath and regroup on what I am needing to focus on, calm down and see the situation fully, and not just the negative that is right there. But I do know, that using cannabis isn't for everyone and that's not the same experience some get. But it sure helps me.

I've been a very busy woman for the past few years. Working 2 to 3 jobs, being a mom, changing things in my life, being a girlfriend, trying to be a friend. As well as, trying to find time and being there for games and school events, or making sure my son was set up for school at home this past year. Always thinking of what's next before I'm there for the now. It's way too easy to be negative. To just let the bad of each day swallow you up and spit you out. At the end of some days, I've found myself driving home under the speed limit, with no music, and pulling up to my home, just to sit in my car and scream and cry. But then I go and smoke a bowl, and calm down. Go through the day, good and bad, or bad and bad, and find the good. Find the things that I learned from the day to day experiences. And also, realize the good things I missed, while being negative. Followed with the realization that I could have probably made the good even better, if I hadn't been stuck in my negative.

Having a different perspective of being positive while faced with the negative is one of the most challenging things I've had to do. Hard thing to train my brain to be, but I can honestly admit, even on the worst days, I've learned to count the good things more so then the bad. And feel less and less like, I suck at life. But there's no doubt I have my days still to this day. However, I would rather try and make my energy positive, to bring joy to those around me, rather then have the negative energy.

Life is hard, but we don't have to make it harder for ourselves. Don't spend your time and energy on things that will make you feel that you are not worth it. Because you are! We all suck at something, but it's up to each of us, to pick ourselves up and be better! We are all strong enough to do so!