Kayla Lynn Waksmonski
Dreaming, Surfing and Devastation
The dreams don't stop. I've gone weeks without sleep, just to get away from the terror. Every time my eyes close, I see it over and over again. Counseling or any other therapy doesn't help, just makes the memory of the event more real. I've had to move away from home to try and find peace from that awful day. The water is where I loved to be, now I find myself in the desert, trying to get as far away from it as possible.
Mother's Secret Chocolate Cake
Eugene's mother made the best chocolate cake in town. She never shared her secret to what made her cake so amazingly moist, and delicious. People of the town would ask her weekly to have one made for their families to enjoy throughout the week or for celebrations. Eugene was always right by his mother's side to help with her creations of chocolate cake. But was never allowed to have any. "Chocolate is not good for you Eugene", his mother would always tell him.
Mystery of the Old Family Barn
The old barn at the back of the pasture was always forbinned. Her mother would always tell her she wasn't allowed to be near it, much less go inside. "Maggie suppers ready!", as her mother lets the screen door slam shut. She runs in to wash up for supper, her mother meets her in the kitchen and asks, "How many times do I have to tell you, that barn will hurt you if you go in it. Do not let me catch you over there again Maggie." She knew her mother wasn't telling her everything about the barn.
The First Day, of the Last Days
As I wake up, from loud noises of airplanes flying low, and marching in the distance, I find myself on the pavement. I'm not too sure where I am. There are trees all around me and dusty fog in the air. I can hear the marching getting closer, but I don't see anyone around me. The road goes on ahead of me, and it's lined with trees on both sides. I feel the need to hide. I'm scared. I can't remember how I got here. All I have is my husband's golf sweater, which he had gotten back in high school when he went to state, the sweats I'm wearing, running shoes, and my grandma's golden heart-shaped locket around my neck. I run and hide in the trees, I can hear the marching getting closer, and men yelling, "Go find the live ones and bring them to me!" I turn and start to run into the trees, trying to remember how I got here and what happened. Where's Malachi? His smile is the last thing I can remember. I have to find him.
When it Sucks to Suck...
Everything in life is going great. Work is good, home life is great, you feel like your on the top of the world. Then out of no where, it starts to slip away, and you can't quite figure out where you've went wrong. Everything you touch seems like you mess up or break. Every word you say is the wrong one and you can't seem to have anyone understand you. Your misunderstood with your feelings and can't seem to gather them up to even be able to explain them. Your mind becomes cloudy and you can't seem to see, or think straight. You start to feel anxious and aren't really sure why. Then you start to over think every step you make, every look you give, every word you say. You start to question things that you used to be so sure of. You go to work, hoping for a good day, and it turns on you. Then you go home and you can't gather yourself enough to get done what needs to. You try to find little things to make you smile through the day, but then let discouraging remarks take your smile from you. You pick up a new hobby, just to find out, you're really just not as good as you thought you were. Then you tell yourself, "Don't give up, people count on you." But look around and see that you feel alone. The ones you feel count on you, you feel like you can't get nothing right with. You feel your world crashing all around you.
With summer starting, and being able to start to be more social, after being hit with such a pandemic, as COVID-19, there's quite a bit to get excited about. No matter what type of activities your interested in, there's mostly an event for it. Amusement and National parks are opening back up, as well as concerts and gatherings being worked up to be able to be held. I have to admit, I'm happy to see things start to be a little, "normal". Whatever that is, right?
We all envision how we want our lives to be like, while we are growing up. Some children want to be a cop, fire fighter, lawyer. Some want to be a dancer or painter, a doctor, or nurse. Some boys want to be cowboys, and girls start planning their weddings from the time they are 4 years old. As for me, I never really could figure that out. I remember being a kid with a lot of responsibility, that just wanted acceptance for who I was. Even though I couldn't even figure that one out. It was always like I was told how I needed to be, or what I needed to be doing. If not from my mom or dad, grandma, other adults, it was friends, and other kids and students I went to school with, too. It's like I was taught to just go with the flow, instead of making sure I make my stand, for myself. And now figuring out my adult life, I've found a lot of things to be challenging, when it comes time for me to have to stand up for myself. Be who I feel I am. It has taken 30 years to feel the freedom, to be able to find the things that I feel make me happy and find what and who I am meant to be. Not saying that I have all found the answers, or have figured the secret of life out, but I have learned that you can not make everyone happy by trying to find your own happiness. Nor, can you make yourself happy, trying to keep everyone else happy. Everyone will have an opinion of what they think is best, or just an opinion, that can be kept to themselves. I've learned to say, Fuck it! I gonna do me, regardless!
First Time Home Alone
She was only about 12 years old. It was the first night her mom could go out without having to work, in over a month. However, her step dad was a truck driver and on the road, and the normal sitter was in the hospital. Her mom couldn't resist thought, though. It would only be a couple of hours.
Different View of Small Town Living
Living in a small town has its perks, and also has its drags... I've lived in the same small town for 30 years. Well, my whole life. I've seen so many people come and go. Businesses start with hopes of bringing something to the community, followed by discouragement with having to close the doors due to, just not having the business. WalMart has tried bringing a store here, but it creates too much competition and smaller stores will just close down. Or so the town says. But honestly, we wouldn't know. I've watched this little town just die down, with no hopes of having something to come in and replace it. Things that make it hard to get resources and essentials that are needed. Even going to the doctor's office is a big deal. You better be prepared for an all day trip. And that's not just waiting in the waiting area, or now a days, your car, for the doctor to call you back. Most people travel at least 90 miles to get what's needed. But then again, if someone is going out of town, we can just let that person know we need something and hopefully they wont be too busy to do you the favor of bringing toilet paper from Walmart because our dollar stores are out, or whatever.
Faith in the Sunflowers
In 2016, I started working for the local Chiropractor here in the community. I have to admit, the first day I walked into the office, I didn't know what to expect. I was really nervous. The waiting area was dark and dusty some. As I walked up to the reception window and the doctor looked up and said, "You're here. Come on around to this side and make yourself at home." I remember sitting in the chair and feeling overwhelmed with the stacks of files and paperwork all over. I knew I had a lot to learn and a lot to get done. Well, I've been working there ever since. Gotten rid of all the stacks of paperwork, and the office has had quite a bit of updates since then.