WHAT WE WANT MOST…

Why do we fear truly sharing ourselves? I'm not talking about a regular intimate relationship or relationships created out of convenience here. What follows is a mixture of personal insights, current energies, and insights from Ana Souto video calls. So, hop aboard, and let's sail this stormy sea called the spiritual journey.

Since I work with people and for some odd reason continue to appear more as a psychologist and soul carer in their eyes than psychologists they have met, they open up their soul's secret boxes to me. I won't share those boxes here, but I will make an interesting observation. But getting to that will take a moment.

To begin, I'll share a seismic-like insight from my own life. Something I've noticed before, but in recent weeks it hit me like a sledgehammer. Whether something new evolves from it remains to be seen.

Specifically, it reached my cellular consciousness that we fear most what we truly desire. This phrase has been circulated in various forms on social media. But do we really grasp its profound meaning?

Let's start digging. We want and need to be cherished and valued as we truly are. Right?

But are we able to share this true self with our close ones?

Often it's believed that this true self-expression can be in places where one can be crude, shout, and belittle others. There's a societal belief that outside the home one behaves decently, but within the home, one can be tyrannical.

But is this loud and repelling personality truly the REAL SELF?

In reality, it's the assertion of a two-year-old trying desperately to be their own person, feeling that when others are around, they can't genuinely be as their soul needs.

Sounds absurd?

Think along. Why do these loud characters claim, "This is how I am, take it or leave it"? They present an ultimatum, wishing to be left alone. They want to create a barrier between themselves and others because "others" always seem to want something they can't give – or something they haven't yet learned to find within themselves.

In contrast to this, there's the other extreme.

We desire something so desperately that we feel choked up, ready to die for it. And when the chance to achieve it arises (understanding our emotions, meeting someone, encountering a desired job, etc.), we suddenly feel panic, rage, and tears because we are paralyzed by the fear of possibly getting what we crave. We don’t know how to act, as if there's no longer anything to strive for. How can anything get better than this?

Did you have a moment of clarity about the link between fear and love?

Let's delve into relationships.

We believe that we fear intimacy (not sex or being together); we fear losing our freedom, and the chance to be ourselves.

We think we always have to be perfect for our partner.

But are we always perfect with ourselves? Are we always positive, always well-groomed, always in high spirits? Of course not!

This is a deep dive into the complexities of human emotions and the fears and desires intertwined with personal relationships.

Sometimes, we become weary, not wanting to see or hear anyone. We wake up grumpy in the morning, and we might snap at others like wounded animals. We all know who we are when we've had enough of everything and everyone.

Yet, on the other hand, we have that über-positive, soaring side that can occasionally go overboard, a side society might label as resembling a drug-induced state. And all of this is US. But why do we fear showing this true self to our dearest? To the ones we can trust with our lives, knowing they'll keep it safe. But why do we shy away from revealing those grumbling mornings, those bursts of anger?

It's because we've had the experience that when we truly embrace ourselves, people move away. Fearing loss, we're ready to run (even lashing out at our dearest is a form of escape). Because it's easier to be the one who ends the conversation than to endure being left again, abandoned by those we care about.

And this fear bubbles up. We yearn and crave to be with our dearest – whether it's a youthful love, a soulmate, or a Twin Flame – someone with whom we share a profound connection. We long for it, yet we're afraid to show our vulnerability to this true companion. That vulnerable, raw part of us hiding beneath all those masks we've learned to wear, just to appear "normal" in society's eyes.

If you were born into this world, it doesn't matter whether your parents intended it or not; you are here for a REASON. You have a PURPOSE in shaping this world, and you are a vital piece of the Universe's puzzle.

Now, let's delve into the realm of childhood and its traumas. Technically, it's in our childhood where most of our fears are rooted. People often justify their current life situations with claims like:

"In my home, there was alcohol..."

"I never received love at home..."

"As a child, I couldn't have what I wanted..."

"I was subjected to violence..."

"I didn't even have a home; I grew up in an orphanage..."

"I was a street child..."

...

And many more reasons why they find it challenging to steer their own lives. Or perhaps it's more accurate to say they don't want to steer their own lives.

But let's shift our perspective slightly.

The fact that we're here right now, at this moment, with these insights, is only possible because we CHOSE to enter this world in this embodiment. We stepped out of the Unified Source to take on physical form, to gather experiences and to learn.

In simple terms, we got a bit bored at the level of pure existence and decided to play in an individual body for a while. We can play as long as our biochemical machine (our body) is operational. To truly fulfill the purpose of our incarnation, we need to do two things:

Keep our biochemical machine functional.

Learn to remember our lessons and solve them.

The first gives us the chance to exist and learn; the second grants us the opportunity to return to the Source.

Indeed, all those seemingly harsh experiences were necessary for us to start grasping. Within a smooth comfort zone, we hardly learn anything because, really, why would we need to? Everything's already cosy and snug. Yet, from the perspective of the soul, we eventually degrade into cosmic dust.

We've wandered a bit far from fear in this tale, but the idea remains intact – people fear change. Be it a change towards something better. Still, it's change, and it's undesirable because it's new and unknown. But the unknown is a fearsome beast that shatters routines.

So, delve into yourselves, find those spots where fear was nurtured, and set them free. Release the fear of change and embrace the Awareness that everything in life has happened to help you evolve into the best possible version of yourself.

Even within me, there are fears, and my dear Twin Flame knows of them better than anyone. Sometimes, even better than myself. The fear of True Intimacy mentioned earlier also resides between us. To dare to reveal your Shadow Self to your Dearest, not just the rosy and shiny parts that you assume they want to see. To create a true relationship, partners must trust each other enough to be sincerely honest about their needs and feelings.

Authenticity, Courage, Trust, Honesty before oneself and one's partner.

It seems that today, the tumult of thoughts that's started living its own life alongside work has found its way through. Oh, yes, I almost forgot. It's that time again when unusual glitches might surface in our typical health, things that medical devices can't detect. Temporary loss of vision, unexpected high fevers that resist medication, the sensation of "flying," and the feeling of the ground slipping from under your feet. So, remember, only peace, just peace! All of this is transient and necessary to burn through old issues on a cellular level.

Approach your health and spiritual development with consciousness.

Lone Wolf on her Journey to Recovery

Elle Vihman From April 19, 2019