What it's Like Living with High-Functioning Anxiety

For a second I thought that maybe I should give you the definition of high-functioning anxiety but I decided not to. I did however think that maybe you should know the differences between Anxiety and High-Functioning Anxiety.

With Anxiety you will most likely constantly go out of your way to avoid situations that may trigger you. Sometimes it may be obvious to others and sometimes it may not be. Most likely though, you will have a hard time hiding how you're feeling. It may cause a significant or mild impairment in your daily life or routine.

Witch High-Functioning Anxiety however it may not be obvious at all to others that you're feeling this way. You could be one of the hardest working or best in your group but also be experiencing an intense feeling of anxiety at the same time. You most likely wouldn't go out of your way to avoid situations that may trigger you and instead may go through them to prove to yourself and others that you are good. You don't want to disappoint others and may constantly burn yourself out trying not to.

For some people being High-Functioning might be a good thing and they'd probably wonder why this could be considered dangerous. I'll give you the obvious answer. I, myself am someone with high-functioning anxiety. At some points when going into public spaces I feel like I can't breathe and I sometimes struggle with calming myself.

On the outside though no one can tell. I keep a straight face, or maybe I'll even join in on conversations and laugh along with them. That doesn't mean that the tightness in my chest is gone, I just don't want anyone to notice. I'm an online school student so I constantly avoid interaction with people. I am, however on a track team and I do have to talk with people there.

The first day of practice I honestly thought that I might pass out. I was extremely nervous, I was quietly hyperventilating, and I didn't know if anyone I knew would be there or not. And yes there did end up being people I knew there but I didn't say anything to them at first. As a matter of fact, I hadn't said anything to anyone. When someone addressed me, yes I did answer naturally and I know for a fact that no one noticed my anxiety.

But that's exactly why it's dangerous. While I'm spending my time trying to hide my anxiety and how alone I feel everyone else thinks I'm okay. No one knows how sad I feel, no one knows how afraid I feel, and no one knows how much I don't want to live anymore. On the contrary, most people believe I'm someone very talkative who has many friends and is always happy. Except that's not who I am.

I make jokes about how much I want to die but on the inside I know that they're true. No matter how much I want to show how I'm feeling my mind just won't let me. And sometimes I feel like I'm being obvious with how I feel and yet still, no one notices.

So yeah I guess for some people they would think that others not knowing how you feel is a blessing, but for me all it does is prolong my suffering. Even a therapist wasn't enough to help me. So please, when someone shows the signs, or they tell you how they're feeling, don't take it lightly. Because some of us, no matter how much we want to, can't tell anyone how we feel.