What has helped me get through my anxiety attacks

I feel I speak for everyone when I say that we are ALL struggling with our mental health these days. While fighting mine I looked through some old material I have from therapy that I feel can be of big help for anyone struggling with their mental health. I will cite the sources if I have them, if you would like to get more information.

15 Common Cognitive Distortions - This can be found on psychcentral.com.

Cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn't really true. For instance, a person might tell themselves, "I always fail when I try to do something new; I therefore fail at everything I try." The person is only seeing things in absolutes - that if they fail at one thing, they must fail at **all** things. Cognitive distortions are at the core of what many cognitive behavioral and other kinds of therapists try and help a person learn to change in psychotherapy. By learning to correctly identify this kind of "stinkin thinkin," a person can then answer the negative thinking back, and refute it. Refuting the negative thinking slowly diminishes the negative thought overtime and will be automatically replaced by more rational, balanced thinking.

The Most Common Cognitive Distortions

1. Filtering

We take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted.

2. Polarized Thinking (or "Black and White" Thinking)

In polarized thinking, things are either "black-or-white." We have to be perfect or we're a failure - there is no middle ground. You place people or situations in "either/or" categories, with no shades of gray or allowing for the complexity of most people and situations. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.

3. Overgeneralization

In this cognitive distortion, we come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence. If something bad happens only once, we expect it to happen over and over again. A person may see a single, unpleasant event as part of a never-ending pattern of defeat.

4. Jumping to Conclusions

Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us.

For example, a person may conclude that someone is reacting negatively toward them but doesn't actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example is a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and will feel convinced that their prediction is already an established fact.

5. Catastrophizing

We expect disaster to strike, no matter what. This is also referred to as "magnifying or minimizing." We hear about a problem and us *what if* questions (e.g., "What if tragedy strikes?" "What if it happens to me?").

For example, a person might exaggerate the importance of insignificant events (such as their mistake, or someone else's achievement). Or they may inappropriately shrink the magnitude of significant events until they appear tiny (for example, a person's own desirable qualities or someone else's imperfections).

With practice, you can learn to answer each of these cognitive distortion.

6. Personalization

Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to the person. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc.

A person engaging in personalization may also see themselves as the cause of some unhealthy external event that they were not responsible for. For example, "we were late to the dinner party and *caused* the hostess to overcook the meal. If I had only pushed my husband to leave on time, this wouldn't have happened."

7. Control Fallacies

If we feel *externally controlled,* we see ourselves as a helpless a victim of fate. For example, "I can't help it if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded I work overtime on it." The fallacy of *internal control* has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us. For example, "Why aren't you happy? Is it because of something I did?"

8. Fallacy of Fairness

We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won't agree with us. As our parents tell us when we're growing up and something doesn't go our way, "Life isn't always fair." People who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its "fairness" will often feel badly and negative because of it. Because life isn't "fair" - things will not always work out in our favor, even when you think they should.

9. Blaming

We hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every problem. For example, "Stop making me feel bad about myself!" Nobody can "make" us feel any particular way - only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.

10. Should's

We have a list of ironclad rules about how others and we should behave. People who break the rules make us angry, and we feel guilty when we violate these rules. A person may often believe they are trying to motivate themselves with should's and shouldn'ts, as if they have to be punished before they can do anything.

For example, "I really should exercise. I shouldn't be so lazy." *Musts* and *oughts* are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When a person directs *should* *statements* towards others, they often feel anger, frustration and resentment.

As a reminder, my therapist has always told me "quit shouldin' on yourself."

11. Emotional Reasoning

We believe that what wee feel must be true automatically. If we feel stupid and boring, then we must be stupid and boring. You assume that your unhealthy emotions reflect the way things really are - "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

12. Fallacy of Change

We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough. We need to change people because our hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.

13. Global Labeling

We generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgement. These extreme forms of generalizing, and are also referred to as "labeling" and "mislabeling." Instead of describing an error in context of a specific situation, a person will attach an unhealthy label to themselves.

For example, they may say, "I'm a loser" in a situation where they failed at a specific task. When someone else's behavior rubs a person the wrong way, they may attach an unhealthy label to him, such as "he's a real jerk." Mislabeling involves descibing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded. For example, instead of saying someone drops her children off at daycare every day, a person is mislabeling might say that "she abandons her children to strangers."

14. Always Being Right

We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness. For example, "I don't care how badly arguing with me makes you feel, I'm going to win this argument no matter what because I'm right." Being right often is more important than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones.

15. Heaven's Reward Fallacy

We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping score. We feel bitter when the reward doesn't come.

In order to deal with these cognitive distortions we will need coping statements to help us get through them.

Coping Statements

Source: The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook

Use any or all of the following positive statements to help you cultivate attitudes of accepting, "floating," and allowing time to pass during a panic attack. You may find it helpful to repeat a single statement over and over the first minute or two when you feel panic symptoms coming on. You may also want to do deep abdominal breathing in conjunction with repeating a coping statement. If one statement gets tiresome or seems to stop working, try another.

- This feeling isn't comfortable or pleasant, but I can accept it.

- I can be anxious and still deal with this situation.

- I can handle these symptoms or sensations.

- This isn't an emergency. It's okay to think slowly about what I need to do.

- This isn't the worst thing that could happen.

- I'm going to go with this and wait for my anxiety to decrease.

- This is an opportunity for me to learn to cope with my fears.

- I'll just let my body do its thing. This will pass.

- Ill ride this through - I don't need to let this get to me.

- I deserve to feel okay right now.

- I can take all the time I need in order to let go and relax.

- There's no need to push myself. I can take as small a step forward as I choose.

- I've survived this before and I'll survive this time, too.

- I can do my coping strategies and allow this to pass.

- This anxiety won't hurt me - even if it doesn't feel good.

- This is just anxiety - I'm not going to let it get to me.

- Nothing serious is going to happen to me.

- Fighting and resisting this isn't going to help - so I'll just let it pass.

- These are just thoughts - not reality.

- I don't need these thoughts - I can choose to think differently.

- This isn't dangerous.

- So what.

- Don't worry - be happy. (Use this to inject an element of lightness or humor.)

If you have frequent panic attacks, I suggest writing your favorite coping statements on a three-by-five card and carrying it in your purse or wallet. Bring the card and read when you feel panic symptoms coming on.

I hope all of this has helped you. I know it can be rough when you are in the heat of the moment but you will make it through this. I promise you.