What Happens When A Sociopath Gets Dementia

Growing up can be tough enough, but what happens when you grow up with a sociopath? And what happens when that sociopath is a parent with dementia?

I did not recognize my mother as a sociopath until I was in my twenties. I had been manipulated, sheltered, and every adult I encountered had failed me; I had no clues, no indication, and no realization until I was older that all the questions I had about "Why do I feel x about x?" and "Why can't I just do the thing I need to do?!" that the answers were found where I had been "raised" - I say "raised" because I honestly was not taught much of anything from my parents. No slight to them; they were both alcoholics and from a generation that spoke nothing about mental health. My dad also passed away when I was young and had left me with a sociopathic mother. They had their own unresolved traumas that were not encouraged to heal or change.

So, what does happen when the sociopath in your life gets dementia?

If my life growing up was not strange enough, it feels odd to have what you've known change and at the same time come to the realization that even though things have been further from a norm for you, they are now even further away from that norm. The norm of having a parent that cares about you and loves you, supports you, is there for you when you need someone seemingly tougher than you to help you when you're having a breakdown - because we all know that there are a slew of moms out there that have been through it all and have that capacity to keep you safe and help you when you need it. I did not. I would not have been able to ever have the slightest norm of a relationship with her to begin with. Now that relationship is even more strange.

I know that it is not in the interest or in the nature for someone who is a sociopath to ever apologize or understand the hurt and wreckage they have caused. Sociopaths are also notoriously narcissists. They never apologize. They never feel upset, sorry, or regretful for their actions. I am alone in being the caregiver of someone who I so desperately want to get away from. Yet, I still feel obligated to love this person. Caught between two emotions, between two things at opposite ends, conflicting one another. I don't want to be apart of this and yet, I know I have no other choice - I feel as though my freedom is restricted in a different way than when I was younger and had someone controlling me.

When I see my mom now, she is usually medicated. And although she is calmer and not manipulating me, it is always the most uncomfortable part of my day to see her and spend time with her. I think to myself "You can do this! you can rebuild a relationship because she is different now!"

But can I? I was still trying to heal from the past and now I am so desperately trying to heal from this new reality.