Agoraphobia is a schizoaffective thing, since you feel like everybody is watching you, thinking negative things about you, and talking about you in general. This is merely a schizoaffective symptom that gets way better with medication, not to mention getting your head out of your hat. Agoraphobia is a thing, it makes people not feel well, it makes one paranoid, and only because it is the way it is. I also have anxiety and such; because I have multiple anxiety disorders give or take the way my body is built. I have PTSD, OCD, and generalized anxiety. I may feel well enough to do occupational therapy Zoom groups just in case.
Before this hot mess of a pandemic, I was able to go to therapy by myself, and come back home by myself without being an agoraphobic hot mess. Now, Mr. Hernia is causing me major symptoms, so I can't go on long trips anymore. I'm working on staying stable because I feel I will need surgery give or take. On the 30th, I have a procedure scheduled that I need a ride to. This event involves a tracking device inserted by endoscopy. I have agoraphobia and panic disorder, which is somewhat under control these days with my medication.
I didn't allow myself to take medication in high school, which compounded the situation. At some point, I learned to travel a fixed route. Going against this fixed route caused me a dreadful panic attack. What's funny about being a psychic with panic disorder is that one time when my parents came back for a visit, I was walking around in a route I normally don't take, had a panic attack, bent the zipper in my gold backpack, and then I was walking home with a broken backpack.
I'm busy trying to stay stable, keep up with working as a copywriter since California AB 5 was amended, and trying not to freak out about this medical test. I'm trying to find a ride with a safe person, since I feel fragile about this test. My acid reflux is making me crazy, no chocolate is making me crazy, and no ketchup is making me crazy. I had to give away my ketchup the last time I had it. I'm doing my best to stay stable here, so I'm up this early today because my blood sugar is high and I'm going to need to change my infusion set, again. Joy.
But anyway, I had a set fail today, which I changed just now on September 19th, 2020. It is fine and working I assume. But I have to say that when my blood sugar is high, I can't sleep with my acid reflux on over drive. Mr. hernia is making me wheeze, so it needs to come out eventually. Trying to stay stable is hard for me. I'm working on it. My last A1c was 7.3% again. I'm also relieved I got my old copywriting job back, having little luck with other jobs based in California.
This was causing me some stress, but my panic attacks are fewer these days unlike in high school when it was worse. In high school, it was every 17 seconds; I'd have wrestling matches with my anxiety. Remembering old mental states has caused me major flashbacks. Sometimes, when told to calm down, I have to tell myself I'm not there anymore. I get these often enough when thinking too much about the old mental states, while reminding myself in the present I is doing better, I'm doing okay, and I'm doing well. I'm doing my best to stay stable, grounded, and able to function.
I still need a ride to that procedure next Wednesday. I'm just lucky I have medical care; I'm as stable as it gets, and I have my marbles in my head straight. Agoraphobia is the fear of having another panic attack. The term agoraphobia itself means fear of open spaces. Medical News Today discusses the symptom of agoraphobia, which comes up after having panic attacks. In my body, panic attacks make my energy change matter, like gemstones or the doorknob on my blog. Agoraphobic people are afraid of elevators since elevators are cramped spaces you can't escape from. Physical symptoms of panic attacks I used to get included feeling like I was going to pass out, dizziness, and shortness of breath and chest pains. I have antidepressants in the present that make me feel better, my eschitalopram.
At some point, before COVID-19 I had my panic attacks under control. Then the COVID arrived, and I decided to respect lockdown so I felt that I had to stay home at all times to stay healthy. I mean until there is a vaccine, I'm not going to go places with people unless I'm wearing a mask. I'm a mask wearer, and that is the way it is. I need to buy myself a new one. Mine is cloth and occasionally stays put.