Wake Up Call

There comes a moment in one's life where we wonder where we went wrong. I will tell you this, it hits you hard and mine was probably more literal than metaphorical. I spent 10 long years with my abuser, even married him. We had four kids together and I often wondered how the hell I got there.

Well, for starters I met him at work. He asked me if he should go to China as he had a wonderful business opportunity. I said yes, go for it and follow your dreams and that you only live once. Well, long story short, he never went to China. He stayed to pursue me.

He quit smoking and told me often how he did it for me. I was 18 and it was my birthday the next day. He asked if he could come over to celebrate with me and help me with my taxes. I didn't see a problem with this at all. Boy was I wrong.

I should have listened to all the alarm bells along the way, and yes there were a lot of them. For starters, that night, he pressured me into letting him fuck me... I felt obligated at this point and I didn't like it one bit. I still don't crave sex like a normal woman my age.

There were a lot of times he put his ex down and talked all sorts of smack about her to me. How she cheated on him, kept his son from him, divorced him behind his back without his knowledge (I know shoulda called b.s. on this one) and how she was just plain awful.

One day he told me he almost hit her with a lamp but decided against it. again, RED ALERT hellooooo. I know, I should have ran way before this point.

Then he asked if I would move states with him and being young and naïve I said screw it and threw everything away for love, or what I thought love was. My job, my apartment, my friends, my family, and my fish. Yes, my fish was very important to me.

I ended up in Texas where we were starved by his family and forced to pay exuberant amounts of money for a bedroom. I got a job and no one would bring me, so he got a moped to have me drive to work. I have never drove before. Well I got into an accident and of course all I could remember was saying good by to him.

This reinforced my notion that we were meant to be. I mean I literally even forgot my own name but remembered him. So we moved again. See the pattern? Virgina, Georgia, Florida, Kentucky, the list goes on. Anywhere I didn't have a support system.

I was not aloud friends, or a job anywhere. He got me pregnant over and over and refused protection and when he finally allowed me to use it, he poked holes in the condoms. Four kids and many pets that he made us get rid of later and he still did this. He controlled literally every aspect of our lives.

Oh, you want the kicker? He left us for months at a time without so much as a goodbye to go fuck his ex. Yeah, that ex that he said was so horrible. Then he would come crawling back and I would be there with open arms because I felt trapped.

Yes, he got physical with me. Yes, he forced himself on me. But I want you to understand even without those two factors, this is still abuse and domestic violence. It is NOT okay to keep someone cooped up away from people.

This is emotional and verbal abuse as well. Controlling natures are horrible. please, please, please don't allow yourself into these situations like I did. Learn from my mistakes. I didn't wake up until I was almost dead. Things get out of hand quite quickly.

Even though I left him, we are divorced and I have my own home, job, my dog and my kids, he still tries to control me. I won't drop his name, as for one, gives him too much power, and for two, he will just play the victim like all the other narcissists and psychos out there. It's simply not worth it.

My page is meant to both share bits and pieces of my story and to raise awareness. I want everyone to understand that domestic violence isn't just a man's crime, women can do it too. It's sad to think that this happens and that there is only women's shelters. There should be ones for men as well.

Anyway, If your relationship starts to look anything like mine, RUN. If you ever need to talk I am here as well. There are many free hotlines to call also. please do. Google the number for domestic violence shelters near you, you will be surprised.

I never knew we even had one until I needed it. Don't worry about your pets, as they usually have a program to temporarily house them while you get on your feet. I will also be donating a good portion of my earnings from here to various shelters to help with this.

Please don't think because he hasn't hit you that it isn't that bad. He didn't hit me for almost two years... then I was almost dead... That was my wake up call. I was lucky to wake up at all.