Waiting for the Courage to Tell My Story

I have struggled with depression for as long as I remember since I was a child. I've been in and out of counseling. Seen several psychologists starting in my childhood. And I didn't truly get the help I needed until I became an adult - more recently in my late 30's. Maybe that was my fault for not being able to open up to get the help I needed or maybe I wasn't able to be understood the way I needed to be to get the diagnosis and treatment I needed when I was younger. Maybe it all rolls up to how through all those years mental health just wasn't really a thing that was identified and talked about as much as we're starting to push for it today. That part will be left unknown. And honestly, it doesn't really matter because the past is the past. What matters is that I'm here now, I survived it all and I'm in recovery. And I have a story of recovery and strength to share. And it is a story that I want to use to help others.

I’ve felt called to share my story for some time now but never was quite ready to. Better put, I wasn’t courageous enough. My self-esteem wasn’t strong enough and I lacked bravery. I lacked steadiness and my voice quivered. So, I stayed on path and continued to work on healing and growing stronger. I focused on building healthy relationships that were supportive, caring and loving. People that validated my feelings and didn’t manipulate my faults or weaknesses. This support group helped propel me even farther in my growth and healing journey. This was all part of helping me get to where I wanted to be, to a place of purpose. I think we forget sometimes that we’re not alone. We all are going through different challenges, some even very much the same type of challenges. We can relate to each other and help each other. If we learn to pour into each other then neither will be empty at any time. It’s quite a powerful, majestic ability that we have as living creatures.

Along the way, I have written and jotted down little snippets of my story and what I’d like to teach and the words I’d like to speak. Then one day I just began that journey. I put one foot in front the other and slowly but surely, I started to tell my story. Just a little seeped out at first, and it still seeps out like steam from a tea kettle. But each day I become more comfortable with my past and I see how my experiences can help others. We must believe that our pasts, though helped shape who we are today, they do not make us all who we are today. We are who we choose to be. We are how we choose to move forward.

I want to set goals to share a part of my story every week or month, however I’m trying something new on this part of my journey so I will not. I’m practicing more flow and less schedule. I’ve lived so much, if not all of my life up until now being scheduled, planned and over organized that I don’t even know what is nature versus nurture. I want to allow myself to just flow into things and find my vibes some of these days. Feel the right now and here moments more. However, I will set the goal to consistently share my story with you and to continue to be open but I will not set a schedule for when I will do that…but if you subscribe then you’ll see them all (wink, wink).