Uncomfortable

Today I got a visitor that wanted to be acknowledge, and needed me to listen to what he had to say, about why he was being ignored by me. This visit he was going to sit with me and he wasn't leaving until he was heard (felt) He goes by the name "Scared" also goes by the name "Afraid". Some may even mistake him for that other character named "Anxiety". I couldn't ignore him, because I know how that feels like, and I don't like the feeling. I start to feel my heart racing as if it was in a race or competition with others, like it has a deadline of some sort. I start to feel uncomfortable. I tend to act like a child when I feel that way. I thought to myself, why does he show up unannounced, as if I sent an invitation to him. (I did without knowing I did) So, instead of ignoring him like always, I invited him to stay for awhile. Instead of me asking questions, I let him speak to me in his own way, without any words said to me, I got his message. He said, "you always ignore me or pretend I'm not even here, you rather sleep instead, or at times when you do this thing that makes me feel woozy, as if I was drinking or something. How many ways are you trying to avoid me?" He continues to share his message with me, by saying "you know, you can't hide from me. You have to invite me in, sit with me for awhile, and just talk to me, or keep me company" He got me good when he said, "But, wait. Don't you dislike when you are ignored by people? So, why do you do this to me? I get told a lot that I don't give out a calm feeling. People feel uncomfortable" The reason people feel this way, is because I show up when you start doing good things in life, when change is happening. They don't acknowledge the good things I can offer, they are too busy worried about the feeling. People start blaming people for why they feel this way, and they are wrong. They will know one day know, that it isn't anyone's fault. If only people saw the positive side of things that they feel or experience in life, they will know the truth. Emotions are here to tell us what we want and what we don't want in life. We are here to help people along their journey. Most people don't know that certain feelings are a reminder that your prayers are being answered. Your wishes, your wants in life are around the corner, your blessings are coming. Maybe they are already here, but your'e too busy worried about who did what to you that made you feel this way. Nobody but you. You did a major step and decided to go back to school and get your degree in Psychology. Way to go! When there is any change in your life, or within your body, you will feel or may not feel uncomfortable, because its not recognizing this new routine you are doing. We are here to help you for your new life that you asked for. We are there when you decide to make a career change.... you can't possibly think that the old you with those bad habits are coming, oh no. Expect us there. Anytime, we visit with you, just take a deep breathe and sit with me, we don't even have to say a word, you will get my message somehow, within a thought or an inner knowing, but listen to the positive thoughts, the negative, aka the past unwanted thoughts will trick you into believing them instead. I won't stay long.

I'm sorry if my unannounced visit makes you uncomfortable, but you also have to understand how I feel, imagine me. I got notice that there was change happening with your life, with your body and even your mind was different, I wasn't used to these new things. I felt something was wrong. So, I had to show up and see what was going on, I was reacting to this and I was scared as well.

This is why some people are afraid of trying new things in life, because they know that there will be something that they have to give up, some people or habits that they are used to. Maybe, scared of the uncertainty of trying new things, not having faith in themselves. But you, I gotta give it to you, you are something else. You remained optimistic, your faith was still there, you kept helping people that asked you for help. But, not once did you mentioned that you needed help. Ok SUPERWOMAN. You have fought and fought, with tears in your eyes, with no energy in your body. Your brain reminding you of what people have said to you, and you trying to feed your mind with positive words, leaving you feeling like there is a tug-of-war battle within you. Now I know why people may feel bi-polar or suicidal. The thoughts of going to my comfort zone is winning, but something more powerful is taking control without me even doing anything at all. How do I fake it until I make it? How do I put on a happy face, when my pale face, thin body speaks louder than my fake smile? I worried about what people thought of me too much. Where are they now, when I need help? I helped them when I was busy. Then I realized the hard truth of sayings, "treat people how you want to be treated" NOT TRUE!!! A big slap in the face, into reality I landed. Beliefs, the things that I heard growing up, what my parents said, none of it helped me in my life. That's when I decided to make my own, some that made sense, some that will help me in my new life. I actually had to unfuck myself from everything I had learned in life. And boy, did I feel uncomfortable, I even started losing friends, finding myself feeling lonely. Then, lol, I discovered the difference from feeling lonely and actually being alone. As if I was in school all over again, this time, LIFE was my teacher, I was the student. Somehow i got slapped in the face HARD, it was felt all over my body, fatigue, body aches. I felt it in my soul.

You didn't even know that you had an audience watching you along your struggles, they stayed distant, they couldn't help you, because they didn't know what to do, they never tried to change their life for the better. Inspiring people on social media, trying to uplift other people in order to uplift yourself. Drugs, and alcohol helped you along the way, sad to say, but you didn't let it become an addiction. You had more sense than that. The interesting thing about all this, you met people that kept you company and you made a difference in their life. They became your tribe.

So you see, this feeling you had, you thought it wouldn't be easy to get rid of, and you invited me in, and I stayed to tell you and remind you that everything is going to be ok, and that you should be proud of yourself. Maybe life happened for you and not to you. Maybe you can teach others what you know and how you did it, and remind them that they aren't alone. By the way, the people who you "lost" along the way, they are still around, but they are taking their time. If they want to be in your life, they will catch up to you and watch you succeed.

When you start to feel unwanted feelings, comfort your inner child and tell her its going to be ok. They been in the dark and you haven't let her come out and enjoy herself. Take a break and have some fun. Your higher self is very proud of you and you are doing great, she just wants to see you happy again. I'm glad you invited me in to sit with you, rather than ignore me. FYI. Emotions are there to help us in our life and to remind us that we are on the right path. Never to destroy you, but to guide you on your journey. We'll, that's it for now. We will stay in the background and watch you succeed. Best of luck!