Colourful3motions
Bio
not quite sure yet
Stories (6/0)
To My Inner Child
I don't know how to start telling you words that I couldn't tell you before, until now. No matter what you go through in life, or what happens to you, or what is said to you, don't take it personally. Listen to me, it's for your mental health, it's for you to not to get hurt. I'm afraid, I can't stop that from happening. This is why I couldn't write to tell you the things that I know that you will have to face one day. But, with my guidance, it won't be so hard, you are going to make it and you will win all the challenges in life. Keep this in mind, NOTHING is happening to you, but its for your best. I promise. You love so much and you don't know when to stop or know when it is real. We didn't get the emotional support and love we wanted as kids, so we were looking for a special love in basically every boy that was cute. But don't do that. Life at home will be really hectic, our parents fighting and passing out drunk will make you runaway. You will be afraid and want to seek a boy to make you feel safe. It will depending on who you meet and get to know. I don't think I can stop that either. Oh boy! I love you and I will guide you along the way. I will be that positive silent voice that you can't hear, you will just know it's me. Listen to me!!
By Colourful3motions2 years ago in Journal
Emotional Abuse
Mental health is a very serious topic that some can't deal with. They give up too soon, or they don't think they are important enough to heal from it. It causes suicides, it causes isolation, and it even affects relationships with your own kids, even losing your life to drugs. I can say that sensitive people who care too much are the victims here. I speak by experience. Nobody taught me about setting boundaries, about what self-love was all about. I didn't even know what love was. We weren't taught what confidence was about, only if it were passed down to family members like a hemi-down jeans. Wouldn't that be something. Only if we just knew how much damaging toxic relationships can do to some. Sad to say, that I followed my parents stupid beliefs, we only knew that we were stuck with someone for good if we had kids with them, no matter what! After my last kid, I finally realized I was grown, and I didn't have to obey this stupid old beliefs. This was insane, I couldn't believe the abuse I took because I though that's how someone showed their love for you. Stupid right?
By Colourful3motions2 years ago in Psyche
Uncomfortable
Today I got a visitor that wanted to be acknowledge, and needed me to listen to what he had to say, about why he was being ignored by me. This visit he was going to sit with me and he wasn't leaving until he was heard (felt) He goes by the name "Scared" also goes by the name "Afraid". Some may even mistake him for that other character named "Anxiety". I couldn't ignore him, because I know how that feels like, and I don't like the feeling. I start to feel my heart racing as if it was in a race or competition with others, like it has a deadline of some sort. I start to feel uncomfortable. I tend to act like a child when I feel that way. I thought to myself, why does he show up unannounced, as if I sent an invitation to him. (I did without knowing I did) So, instead of ignoring him like always, I invited him to stay for awhile. Instead of me asking questions, I let him speak to me in his own way, without any words said to me, I got his message. He said, "you always ignore me or pretend I'm not even here, you rather sleep instead, or at times when you do this thing that makes me feel woozy, as if I was drinking or something. How many ways are you trying to avoid me?" He continues to share his message with me, by saying "you know, you can't hide from me. You have to invite me in, sit with me for awhile, and just talk to me, or keep me company" He got me good when he said, "But, wait. Don't you dislike when you are ignored by people? So, why do you do this to me? I get told a lot that I don't give out a calm feeling. People feel uncomfortable" The reason people feel this way, is because I show up when you start doing good things in life, when change is happening. They don't acknowledge the good things I can offer, they are too busy worried about the feeling. People start blaming people for why they feel this way, and they are wrong. They will know one day know, that it isn't anyone's fault. If only people saw the positive side of things that they feel or experience in life, they will know the truth. Emotions are here to tell us what we want and what we don't want in life. We are here to help people along their journey. Most people don't know that certain feelings are a reminder that your prayers are being answered. Your wishes, your wants in life are around the corner, your blessings are coming. Maybe they are already here, but your'e too busy worried about who did what to you that made you feel this way. Nobody but you. You did a major step and decided to go back to school and get your degree in Psychology. Way to go! When there is any change in your life, or within your body, you will feel or may not feel uncomfortable, because its not recognizing this new routine you are doing. We are here to help you for your new life that you asked for. We are there when you decide to make a career change.... you can't possibly think that the old you with those bad habits are coming, oh no. Expect us there. Anytime, we visit with you, just take a deep breathe and sit with me, we don't even have to say a word, you will get my message somehow, within a thought or an inner knowing, but listen to the positive thoughts, the negative, aka the past unwanted thoughts will trick you into believing them instead. I won't stay long.
By Colourful3motions2 years ago in Psyche
Feathers, Coins, Animals
Finding myself alone at 3 am, finally releasing my emotions that I had hid from my kids that day, questioning myself, "Again, why do people die so soon, and in a sad way?, he was just getting home to his family? Why in front of his kids while they were playing out in their little playground, WHY? My brother's death in 2004 hit me hard, just because he was full of life, loved his kids and enjoyed his life every single day with a smile and spunk.... he was basically the strongest one that kept the family together after our father passed away just 4 years earlier to a heart attack. I knew my dad was ready to go, he worked so much as if he didn't want to rest and do nothing to avoid the hurt he had deep inside. I don't know what he loved the most, working or his cancer sticks as he called them, along with his cold ones while jamming to his "corridos" aka Mexican music which told their stories which basically described his life in Mexico. These 2 men in my life that are somewhere unknown, with so many theories and beliefs about Heaven, and where do we go after death, I found myself questioning, demanding answers that I seemed to never of found.
By Colourful3motions3 years ago in Psyche
Poem from a Pisces
I think every person should write a beautiful, funny, or simple poem describing yourself. People can see us when we speak about any topics that inspire us. But to see it in writing, the way you used creativity to bring out characteristics about yourself comparing to a picture, place or anything you choose, is something that should be shared.
By Colourful3motions3 years ago in Poets
Do you want to be a worrier or a warrior?
You would think at the age of 43, with all the kids out of the home, that I would be doing anything and everything I always wanted, right? And it isn't that way at all. I'm still finding myself unhappy like if there was something missing. I have everything I need to survive and more, more than I ever had in my past, more than I had a year ago, compare to being homeless with my daughter and my 2 grandkids. Was I being ungrateful? Was I mentally unstable, literally? I always wanted to write and help people with any advice by sharing my story, everyone has a story. I always wanted to travel and visit Italy, but the only way I travel the world, is when I close my eyes and use my imagination. That isn't to bad, I mean you can imagine it however you want it to be and travel with whoever, without any traffic, with no interruptions, with unlimited spending at shopping stores. It's not quite the same. I was miserable. I had enough of being in my own mental prison and it's for nothing at times!!! Worrying about the past that already happened, at times I would compare my life with others and try to rush things as if I had a time limit or I had to accomplish such and such at this particular age. It's your life, there is no rules to go by as long as you do what makes you happy. I couldn't even daydream without my thoughts interrupting me. We can blame people, our finances, and even GOD for our life issues, making us worry for everything, robbing us from our happiness and from being in the "now" moment. It started effecting my relationships with everyone, most importantly with myself. Reality hit me hard and took me on a self-love journey 7 years ago. I'm a sensitive person and have lived a challenging life, dealt with emotions and numbing them from feeling anything, to avoid thinking anything and that came with consequences including my bills not getting paid. That's was a serious problem.
By Colourful3motions3 years ago in Motivation