Trapped and Feeling Financially Frozen

Finances play a big role in relationships. Money holds power and with money we have the power to control others and many people do not understand that they are being financially abused. Financial abuse is one of the more subtle forms of abuse that starts off pretty unnoticeable and then escalates to where the victim feels trapped.

Many people in relationships today have different opinions about how things should be fair regarding financial decisions. Financial abuse is sometimes confused with making appropriate fairness about money and purchases. Manipulation, guilt, threats, and isolation are used to keep the victim feeling stuck and with no where to turn. Having money means having the ability to change your circumstances or leave and the abuser knows this. There are many reasons why financially abusive partners use this form of abuse on their victims. Emotionally abusive partners use this as a means to control their partner and gain the advantage over them, it makes the dependent either in debt or completely dependent on them, it prevents them from leaving, it is a power trip to make the victim do what the abuser wants, the abuser doesn't think the victim is entitled to any money, the abuser is jealous of the victims monetary gains or job, the abuser sees a vulnerable area in the victims life that can be manipulated, the abuser holds opinions and biased views about who should have control over the money, these are just a few examples of why an abuser would want to implement this tactic on a victim.

Economic abuse is not something many people notice is happening at first, until its too late. It's crucial to notice if it's a pattern that escalates and boundaries are being broken or you find yourself being more and more dependent on your partner. Here are some of the signs that you could be experiencing this form of control.

-Limiting or preventing you from gaining job skills, school, or employment

-Belittling remarks about how much money you make, forcing you to take on more jobs and work more hours to provide for their over spending.

-You have no access to bank accounts or financial accounts. You see no bills or allowed to see how money is being spent.

-You are forced to ask to spend money for anything you need. Money will be held over your head and it will be used as a threat to get you to do what they want.

-iving you a budget. Constantly monitoring your spending and calling you after you purchase something because they receive an alert on their phone.

-Making you provide receipts for everything and Constantly questioning and criticism for your purchases.

-reating havoc and instability in your job. Making you miss work, sabatoging any efforts, forced childcare, stalking or harassment at place of employment etc.

-Taking out loans and credit cards with your information.

-king money and creating living instability that you would not have if that money was available and not used by them.

--Hiding money and financial information.

-Putting everything in their name and you have the rights to nothing that you both mutually in the relationship use and purchased together.

-Blaming you for all the financial trouble they have.

-Double standards.

-Making irrational and large splurge purchases but making you feel awful for anything you purchase including necessary things you or your children need.

-Forced domestic work with no reward. Not thinking you are entitled to share in the money being brought into the home just because you are a stay at home parent. What you do to keep the home running and childcare does not count.

-Isolating you from family and friends.

-Not providing or sabatoging any use of transportation.

-Creating impossible budgets that they themselves do not follow.

-Threatening or intimidating you when you bring up any concern you have over financial matters or ask about their spending.

-Making you feel less then and using guilt and fear to make your question if what you are experiencing is your fault.

-Name calling.

-Destroying property that needs to be repurchased.

-Using sex as a way to get money withholding or using it as a tool to gain access.

-Using the children as a threat of not providing for them.

-You feel terrified when you go to the store and have gone just a little over their budget.

-You are punished for any financial issue they have.

These are just some of the things that make a victim of financial abuse feel stuck, alone, and scared. Being trapped in this kind of toxic relationship is damaging to a victims mental and physical health. There is hope and help available. A plan to leave and regain financial independence and stability is achievable. A plan that is safe for you and your children is essential. Calling a domestic abuse hotline is one of the first things to do to get started on a plan of exit that is safe is the first step to leaving. Don't let money and toxic people control your life. They are not entitled to your love, work, and pain. You can gain back control and regain financial stability and independence away from abusive partners.

If you are experiencing domestic violence and are in immediate danger, please call 911. If you are not in immediate danger and would like to speak with someone, please call a local hotline that you can do a Google search for safely on the internet or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. You may also want to contact any other support you feel you have like family or friends who can help with resources, transportation, shelter, or anything else. You are not alone.