This is Why the Narcissist Targeted You
In a nutshell, narcissists are pathologically selfish
Do narcissists idealize the characteristics they themselves do not possess? I think so. Narcissists are eternally envious! They always want what you have, whether it be material, status, or even inner character.
Narcissists are empty blackholes inside. They present a fake character (false self) to the outside world. This is exactly why narcissists seek that which helps them to solidify their fake representation of self- a nice house, a good job, a great partner, etc. Everything that the narc is, or more accurately believes him/herself to be, comes from the external.
Basically, a target can be anyone who:
a.) Gives the narcissist bragging rights- i.e., the partner/target is attractive, makes good money, has a position of power, etc.
b.) Makes life easier for the narcissist- i.e., the partner is subservient, he/she never questions anything, he/she financially supports the narcissist, takes care of the house, the children, etc.
c.) Possesses positive character qualities for the narcissist to exploit- i.e., integrity, honesty, empathy, compassion, loyalty, etc.
The narcissist is always in it for himself/herself, which is important to remember. The narcissist targeted you because you represent one or more of the above. The narcissist does not/cannot see you and love you for who you are because you’re always a mere representation, like a snapshot, in the mind of the narcissist.
This is precisely why the narc does not care about you, your feelings, or your life when he/she is destroying you. The narcissist is interested in what you can do for him/her. You don’t actually exist as a real autonomous person. Period. That’s all it’s about.
Those targeted by narcissists are often wonderful people. It doesn’t matter. The victim will never gain the respect, appreciation, or love of their narcissist because those emotions are not within the narcissist’s reach. No matter how much you do for them, or how much turmoil you withstand, the narcissist cannot feel in this way. Narcissists are broken emotionally and psychologically. Their very sense of self is distorted. Therefore, their sense of you is distorted as well.
The narcissist feels entitled to walk all over you and still get what he/she wants. Narcissists don’t have boundaries and they don’t respect the boundaries of others either. There is nothing within them to stop their behavior unless it is directly affecting them at the moment; not because their destructive behavior affects you.
And in this case, the narcissist does not change his/her behavior. He/she moves on and finds another target while feeling complete and utter contempt for you. The narcissist smears you, plays the victim, and does the same thing with the next victim.
Narcissists play dirty. They idealize you for all the wonderful things you are or have achieved. They, in essence, want to take credit. If their partner is successful, then they are successful. If their partner is attractive and kind, then they believe themselves to be so.
Unfortunately, the victim cannot project his/her humanity into the narcissist. Nothing that the victim is, or is not, will make the narcissist anything other than a narcissist. We all are who we are! The narcissist realizes this, perhaps subconsciously. Which is why he/she tries to attack the very things in the victim that the narc was attracted to in the first place.
It’s a projection. If the narcissist cannot be like you, cannot take credit for all that you are, or train you to lose all boundaries, and functionally exist in the abuse, then the narcissist wants to destroy you. That is what puts them on top again, in their distorted minds.