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Things You Should Never Say to Someone with an Anxiety Disorder

If you want to be considered a member of polite society, there are certain things you should never say to someone with an anxiety disorder.

By Ossiana TepfenhartPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Having an anxiety disorder isn't something most people would understand unless they experience it themselves. They won't understand that constant feeling of being on edge, nor would they understand how hard it is not to feel agitated throughout the day.

Partly because mental health stigma is as real as it is, and also because so many people don't really understand what it's like to have anxiety, a lot of pretty heartless things are said to people who suffer from anxiety disorders.

If you want to make people with anxiety feel safe and comfortable around you, you need to understand that there are things you should never say to someone with an anxiety disorder — ever.

Yeah, this is a lot like telling a person who just got torched by a flamethrower to stop being on fire. When you have an anxiety disorder, you can't "just calm down." That's exactly why it's called an anxiety disorder.

From personal experience, this is one of those things you should never say to someone with an anxiety disorder that's often said to them. Saying this is heartless victim-blaming.

"Can't you just take your mind off of it?"

Much like telling someone to calm down, telling someone with an anxiety disorder to "stop thinking about it" is also equally offensive. If they could take their minds off of it, they would — but they can't, so they won't. Asking them if they can ignore the anxiety is victim-blaming that might actually make them feel worse.

While this may be a great anthem for Nike, the truth is that this also happens to be one of those things you should never say to someone with an anxiety disorder. A lot of people who have anxiety really feel like they're frozen in terror.

Imagine being so scared to do something that you feel paralyzed with fear. Imagine how bad it feels to know that you should do something, but just can't bring yourself to do so because of how scared you feel. It's awful, so don't say this.

"It's all in your head."

Of course, it's all in your head. Where else would it be? Your foot? People with anxiety disorders already know it's all in their head, but that doesn't make the anxiety feel any less real. The fear, worry, and agitation they feel is real, so don't minimize it.

People with anxiety disorders will often act a bit strange when they're in panic mode. They may avoid large crowds of people, shut down around people they like, or start to babble around people they don't know.

One of the things you should never say to someone with an anxiety disorder, obviously, is how "weird" or "wrong" they are for this kind of behavior. They probably already feel terrible and worried about how they come across. Putting the spotlight on them will only cause more grief.

"I'm stressed out, too. I have my own problems but you don't hear me going on about it..."

Anxiety is not the same as having day-to-day stress. It's several orders of magnitude beyond "normal stress." For people with anxiety, there's no such thing as "small stuff," everything seems big and it always feels like they're sitting underneath a sword.

The reason why this is one of those things you should never say to someone with an anxiety disorder is because it loads the guilt onto them, disregards what they're going through, and also minimizes their issues in a pretty offensive way.

Living with mental health issues is never easy — be it PTSD, social anxiety, or depression. So, don't act like being mentally well (but stressed) is the same as being mentally ill.

It's hard to watch a friend or a family member who suffers from anxiety. You might even wonder if you're at fault. However, it's not a good idea to talk about this unless they are ready to talk to you.

Anxiety sufferers are aware that their mental health is hurting others; let them get comfortable enough to broach it when they can. If they're not ready to talk about what's causing the anxiety, don't poke the bear.

A lot of anxiety sufferers feel really guilty about how they make others around them feel. When you say stuff like this, it's making that guilt feel even worse. If you make them feel too guilty, they may also get depressed. Please, if you value your friend, don't say this to them.

"You're overthinking things."

This is another form of victim-blaming that just totally glosses over what it's like to suffer from anxiety. A lot of anxiety is literally being unable to stop overthinking. So, basically, you're doing the equivalent of yelling at a family member with a cold to stop being sick.

This may help them calm down at the start, however, there's an issue with this self-medication route you may fail to see. People with anxiety are more likely to become alcoholics than people who are anxiety-free. Why? Because regularly coping via alcohol will make you addicted.

Though this isn't necessarily as bad as other things you should never say to someone with an anxiety disorder, it's still pretty bad. You don't want to be the person who opens the door to alcoholism, do you?

"Why are you so worried? Why are you so upset? There's nothing to worry about."

This is one of the biggest things you should never say to someone with an anxiety disorder, primarily because it's so offensive. Aside from invalidating how they feel, these kinds of statements also make them feel "crazy."

Any time you're telling them that their anxiety is immediately fixable and that it's their fault, you're doing something that upsets and exacerbates their anxiety. So, don't do it.

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About the Creator

Ossiana Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of New Jersey. This is her work account. She loves gifts and tips, so if you like something, tip her!

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