The way you handle "bad emotions" determines how far this "cat" runs

A father was criticized by his boss at work and came home to scold his child who was jumping around on the couch. The child's heart is angry, and viciously to kick the cat rolling around. The cat fled to the street, just as a truck drove by, the driver rushed to avoid, but the roadside child was injured. This is the famous "cat-kicking effect" in psychology.

The "cat-kicking effect" depicts a typical contagion of bad emotions, which refers to the chain reaction of venting dissatisfaction with objects weaker than oneself or lower in rank than oneself. People's discontent and bad mood will generally pass along the chain of social relations consisting of rank and strength. From the tip of the pyramid to the bottom, the weakest element, which has nowhere to vent its grievances, becomes the ultimate victim. In fact, this is also a kind of mental disease contagion.

The classic literary figure, Ah Q, is the one who, after being bullied by the rich man and outsiders, goes around looking for someone inferior to himself to vent. He didn't realize that not only could he not beat Wang Hu, he couldn't even beat Little D who was inferior to him because he was hungry. Finally, he had to bully the little nun, and then he "laughed with great satisfaction". As you can see, bullying the weaker is a common means of venting for many weak people.

Usually when you go out to work and wait for the elevator, you will always see a mother and child, the child may have just started kindergarten a few days, so every day when you go out have been crying, saying that they do not want to go to school, do not want to carry the school bag. Her mother would always squat down and comfort him, slowly convincing him to go to school.

However, today her mother did not comfort him, but instead cursed: "What the hell do you want? You don't want to go to school, do you? Fine, come over here and let's go home. You won't listen unless I beat you up! All you do is cry and cry, you're crazy! I told you to carry your backpack to school, but you keep dragging your feet. Yesterday, I told you to go to school after so long, and I was scolded by my boss for being late for work, and today you want your mother to be scolded again!

The "kick the cat effect" is so common among humans that, in general, human emotions are influenced by the environment and some contingent factors, and when a person's mood turns bad, the subconscious mind will drive him to choose a weak person who cannot fight back to vent. This will form a clear chain of anger transmission, life, everyone is a link in the long chain of the "kick the cat effect", encountering a lower status of their own, have the tendency to transfer the anger out. The ultimate bearer, the "cat", is the weakest group and the group that suffers the most.

And when a person indulges in negative or unhappy things, he receives both negative and unhappy things. When he transfers his anger to others, he still focuses on things that are not as good as he wants them to be. Over time, not only does the "kick the cat effect" continue, but his own reactions to emotions also form a vicious cycle pattern that affects his mental health in the long run.

Everyone has emotions, and each emotion is different. American psychologist Ellis has a famous ABC theory of emotions.

A, indicates a precipitating event.

B, indicates some beliefs that the individual has in response to this precipitating event, i.e., his or her perception and interpretation of the event.

C, indicates the outcome of the emotion and behavior that one produces.

He argues that the precipitating event A is only an indirect cause of the emotional and behavioral consequence C. The direct cause of C is the belief B that arises from the individual's perception and evaluation of the precipitating event A.

In other words, your emotions and behaviors are determined by your beliefs, and wrong perceptions and beliefs will accumulate negative emotions layer by layer.

So how to break when influenced by others and involved in negative emotions?

Experiencing physical changes

Any emotion will cause changes in the body, it is good to give yourself regulation through mental cues. When your emotions are on the verge of getting out of control, just calm yourself a little and don't make decisions when you are emotionally charged.

Leave the scene of emotional generation first and allow yourself to calm down by taking deep breaths, moving your body, etc.

Find the physical emotional reaction point, headache, chest tightness or something else, and soothe yourself first.

Continue to breathe deeply and calmly, open a window and look outside, or look at the scenery outside, talk to other people, etc., to calm yourself for a while.

Acceptance of self-feeling

Learn to sense emotions, understand them, and transform them.

That is, figure out if I'm angry? Panicked? Irritated? Sad? Or is it some other feeling?

That is, which emotion you have, whether positive or negative, accept it first, and then find out what your emotional needs are at that moment. Do you need comfort? Or care? Or is it that your body needs rest, or that you need to be understood, recognized, etc.?

Before dealing with things, remember to deal with emotions first. Because only by having a good mind can you prevent impulsive emotional appearances from involving the most innocent one, the one who is weak in your life, the one who is a follower in your life.

Rational shift in cognitive perspective

Is said to think differently, this is actually quite important, many times we think about the problem is only in their own perspective, once in the other party's perspective we will find their own problems, then there will also be a rational judgment.

"Did you kick the cat today?" This is not a funny greeting, but a rational understanding and transformation to actively respond to the person who offended you and not be the bearer of the "kick the cat effect". Understand that the root cause of the offender's anger is not yourself, and that the other person is just a punching bag for others to vent their anger.

To effectively avoid taking over the position of "punching bag" yourself, it is not a matter of coming forward to argue, but of self-awareness and calmness.

Take action to deal with the problem

After losing your temper, invite the other person to have a peaceful communication, provided of course that the other person is willing to do so.

Tell the other person about his or her emotional needs at the time, and tell him or her how you want him or her to meet them.

Ask the other person about his or her situation and emotional needs at the time, and how he or she would like to be satisfied at that time.

Make an appointment on how to handle the next time you encounter a similar situation.

Look at a story: Before a monk went away on a trip, he gave his disciple a yard full of orchids, which he loved, and instructed him to take good care of them. One night, the disciple forgot to bring the orchids back to the house, and it happened that the storm was so strong that the orchids, which were in full bloom, were knocked to pieces. The disciple was anxiously waiting for the master's scolding. When the monk returned from his travels and learned the reason, he just said indifferently, "I didn't plant the orchids just to be angry." The disciple was inspired by this and came to enlightenment.

If we pay a little attention to this kind of open-mindedness and compassion in all aspects of life and work, the bad transmission chain of "kicking the cat" may be cut off.