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The Truth About PPD

by jade hewes 4 years ago in depression

What No One Told Me Would Happen After Having a Baby

The feeling you have during pregnancy, of fullness and joy, doesn't always stick after the baby is born. When I was pregnant with my son, it was the happiest time in my life. After having multiple miscarriages, all I could think about was what a miracle this was. I couldn't believe I was finally going to have the baby I had always wanted. I had longed so long to be a mother and share a special bond with a tiny human I had created. All this joy just filled my body and soul. Even though my pregnancy wasn't the easiest, I was still so engulfed with joy. Feeling him kick me and have the hiccups was the best thing in the world. I couldn't wait to finally kiss and hug and hold this little boy that I had waited nine long months to meet.

As the days near closer to the date of my cesarean, I started to get extremely anxious. I was told that was completely normal, but no one prepared me for what would happen next. After I had my son I couldn't stop looking at him and kissing him and loving him. It was everything I had hoped for. But all of a sudden, I couldn't stop crying and feeling this feeling of uncertainty. The nurses told me this was normal, and it was called "the baby blues." I was also told I will be feeling 100 percent better in a few days, a week at max.

Now, a few days passed... Then, a few weeks passed.... I still could not stop crying, and worrying that I would mess all this up. I couldn't bond with this precious baby boy no matter how much I tried. Now, what the nurses don't tell you is if this "baby blues" stage lasts more then a week, then seek help from your family practitioner because then it's considered postpartum depression. It is such a taboo topic. No one wants to talk about it. You don't want to seem like a bad mom, so you just don't say anything.

Now a few months have passed. Your baby is growing and learning. You still can't bond with your baby and as each day passes you get angrier and yell more and cry more. Now you know this isn't normal and your boyfriend is now bringing it up and saying you need help. You don't want to listen but you know it's true. It's gotten to the point where every little cry or fit makes you red hot and lose it. So, I guess it time to get help.

My heart breaks to think about the fact that:

  • I have not bonded with my son in five months
  • I yell and cry everyday
  • You don't even want to hold your child
  • You just want to end everything cause you feel everyone would be better off

Now all of those feelings are completely normal feelings when you have postpartum depression. But not healthy. Don't be afraid to seek help or admit something isn't right.

There are defferences between the baby blues, postpartum depression and postpartum phycosis.

Now my son is 15 months old and I have a lot better control of my depression with help from therapy and medication. I have finally bonded with my son and am four months along with my next.

Please educate.


jade hewes

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