The Real Deal About Narcissists

Narcissistic abuse cannot truly be understood by anyone who has not experienced it. The abuse is horrific, insidious, psychological warfare. Lives are ruined for sport.

The available educational literature on narcissism is a complete understatement. But victims have to start somewhere to make sense of their nightmare as narcissists will likely not be the ones looking up this information. Narcissists don’t believe anything is wrong with them or the way they behave.

The DSM-5 describes Narcissistic Personality Disorder as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by 5 or more of the following:

- A grandiose sense of self-importance

- A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

- A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions

• Requires excessive admiration
• A sense of entitlement
• Interpersonally exploitive behavior
• A lack of empathy
• Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them
• A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes

While this is helpful in understanding the basics of the narcissistic personality, it is difficult to understand how deep this rabbit hole goes.

Perhaps the better definition would be pure evil.

True narcissists are empty shells of human beings. They are voids. There is nothing real or wholesome inside of them.

Narcissists are pathological liars. Everything about them is a lie. They lie to themselves about who they are. So it is no wonder they lie to everyone they meet. They tell lies about others. Their entire world is constructed of lies.

Narcs essentially like to rewrite reality. And they are equipped with an arsenal of defense mechanisms and manipulation tactics to do so, such as:

• Gaslighting
• Minimizing
• Denial
• Psychological Projection
• Blame-shifting
• Word salad/circular conversations
• Stonewalling
• Push/pull
• Silent treatments
• Playing victim
• Triangulation
• Intimidation
• Shaming
• Smear Campaigns
• Rationalization

These are some of the classic manipulation methods used by narcissists. One can somewhat see how these negative behavior patterns would make their victim feel crazy.

But, again, the list of words is an understatement for the experience.

Narcissists emotionally, psychologically, and often physically abuse their victims, in the most heinous callous manner. Narcissists know right from wrong. But in their delusional grandiose minds, the rules don’t apply to them. Therefore, the narcissist creates the havoc he so craves and enjoys, and then lies about it. They just keep lying.

Truth and reality are meaningless to the narcissist because he believes he is omnipotent, omniscient, and god-like. He has to have control. Therefore he writes the scripts and casts the characters in his fictional world. And in this entangled reality that he constructs, you (the victim) get to be him, the monster he actually is.

The narcissist has no interest in realizing the error in his ways. He is very happy with himself to fool people, to harass and bully, to inflict pain in any which way he possibly can. He just needs someone to blame it on. The victim’s job is to carry the narcissist’s shame and pathological dysfunction that isn’t theirs to carry.

The narcissist has no concern for the damage he is inflicting on his victim. He has zero empathy. Narcissists believe their victims deserve what they get for being so naive. In fact, narcs see empathy, honesty, and compassion as a weakness. Like bullies, they hurt the ones who deserve it the least.

Narcissists objectify people. They use them. Throw them away. Recycle them as many times as they can get away with. Only to reenact the same deplorable scenes, hence having the same outcomes. Anyone who has ever loved a narcissist is left in bits. The narcissist moves on and does the exact same thing to his next victim.

It is a lose-lose game. The narcissist destroys any chance of normalcy, love, and happiness. He destroys his victim’s sense of reality and self-worth. He steals their time, money, sanity, and support systems. Anything he can do to cause harm. Then he leaves his victim reeling in the aftermath of his destruction.

Narcissistic abuse is more than just a bad relationship. Victims are left to rebuild their lives, their sense of self, while crippled in trauma with lasting scars left by someone they once loved.

Narcissistic abuse is calculated, callous, insidious, and profoundly dangerous. No one really understands the totality of this horror unless they have been there.