The Never-Ending Weight and Scream

Being depressed is like a full-time job. It takes so much work, time, and energy, just to keep sane. The effort to get out of bed. Once you're out of bed it feels like a huge accomplishment, and you go to look at the world around you, everyone else has already gotten out of bed. While you were dragging yourself through all the awful thoughts. While you were hyping yourself up, they were busy working, having fun, getting ahead. What they don't see is that you did it with a 50 lb rock on ur chest and screaming constantly in your ears. For them, it was quiet and light.

"When I wake up it is quiet and light and I get up with no trouble. It is how it is for me, that's how it must be for everyone, you must be imagining this 10 lb rock and the screaming in your ears," and no matter how many times you try and tell them about the rock they just don't understand.

You continue with your day but carrying the rock makes it hard to get up to get food. By the time you've made it to the kitchen your sweating and panting and the screaming is louder than ever. The idea of making food sounds impossible,

"how do I make food and carry this rock!". Even if there is food ready to be eaten how do you pick up a fork when your arms are so tired from the rock. How do you eat when your stomach is squirming from all the screaming?

"But they did this fine!" you say to yourself. You're forgetting they did this without a rock and screaming.

The day goes on and on, doing the smallest task is difficult because of the rock you carry. Most people pile on even more rocks, some try and help by taking a couple of rocks away, but what you really need is help carrying the big rock. Just for a minute, Just to catch your breath, Just to feel something aside from how sore your arms are, and how much your ears hurt. Most people try and Be louder than the screaming. That only makes it worse. Some people put on music to distract you from the screaming. What you really need is someone to lend you their earmuffs to block out the screaming. Just for 5 maybe 10 minutes. Relief and peace for a single moment.

You try and ask for earmuffs and help to carry the rock, but no one seems to understand you. Everything comes out garbled and mixed up. Your tongue is cursed. No one understands someone with a cursed tongue whose words come out as nothing more than gibberish. They try and give you what They think you need, but you know exactly what you need. You need someone to help carry the rock until you find a way to break it down. You need someone to help you find earmuffs until you find a way to quiet the screaming. But you cant ask with a cursed tongue.

After all this you come home, your arms ache more than anyone can imagine, your ears hurt so bad you swear they're bleeding. No one believes you and the people that do cant help because of your cursed tongue. You go to bed as exhausted as you were when you woke up, knowing you'll get no rest in sleep because even as you close your eyes the rock is still there, the screaming hasn't died down, and when you wake up they'll both be there tomorrow.