The more I want others to like me, the less I like myself

There is a kind of person who seems to be compatible with everyone, but who is not suitable when he or she wants to have a heart to heart. They are well thought of by others, but it is not clear exactly what is good about them. I am such a kind of person, the university dormitory eight people, and others have no conflict, and who can talk, can do other people's heart to heart friend. But every morning before breakfast is the most awkward time for me. They all have their own company, and I'm either trailing behind my two or three best friends, or I'm alone. At that time, I thought to myself, who is the best friend in my heart, a look to know what each other want, what do you want? The answer is no. Should I have a regular travel buddy like everyone else? So you don't seem so "alone"?

I found that I could help others to pick up the express, bring food, to myself do not want to trouble others; Can do other people's travel partner, to their own business out of no one to accompany, also can accept, since so, do not change it. After many years, I realized that there is a big space in my heart. I just want to leave it for myself, and I don't want to enter anything. It is where I put myself and all my secrets. It does not prevent me from getting on well with others. It is also my compromise with society.

I've seen articles that equate high emotional intelligence with getting people to like you, making readers think that more people like me means high emotional intelligence. And the real high EQ has an independent personality, blindly catering to others is not independent, just like the ingratiating personality is too afraid of injury and choose to self-harm. (Without denigrating the pleaser, I consider myself one of those people. Everyone has a survival technique for which they suffer or gain some benefit. No personality is perfect, there are always pros and cons.) High EQ is confident. He will listen to others' opinions, provided that he thinks the opinions are consistent with his logical judgment and values, otherwise the evaluation of others can not affect him. Emotionally intelligent people find a balance between making others happy and making themselves happy.

Why do we want others to like us? More people believe that being liked brings them advantages and convenience. Ignore the original purpose, is to show others, to get to know each other, to please both. Being "like" and "don't like" by others will be affected by their gain and loss, and affect their emotions. In order to meet the requirements of others, they will carve themselves and change themselves. The more you want to make others happy with yourself, you have to be unhappy with yourself.

This person wants me to be A, that person wants me to be B,...... What am I supposed to look like?

Famous three philosophical questions: Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I going? It's actually painful to think about who I am, compared to being defined by the outside world. So we ordinary people choose to be defined by society, defined by others, to be what they want us to be, good sons and daughters, good parents, citizens, professionals of all kinds...... Not having to wrestle with the answers to these philosophical questions makes life simple and not bad.

It is a reality that almost everyone acknowledges that more and more people become anxious, become impetuous and do not enjoy the simple life. Why is that? Because we're constantly being redefined. Food and clothing are no longer the goal. We want to eat delicious food, live in a house, have a car, have a career and be successful. School is not what, to go to a famous school, to study abroad. Everything, from birth to death, becomes hierarchical. People are ashamed to be content with their class status quo.

To do well the required self can make people feel happy, but dare not enjoy for too long, because the clockwork is tightened, the owner will not let it loose for too long. This is where anxiety begins.

When we try to get rid of the anxiety and take off the labels, what does the remaining ID look like? It may be weak, it may be full of bad ideas, it may be ugly, whatever it is, he or she is you. Do you like him or not?

For the perfection that the outside world holds for us, we put on layers of armor until we can not touch an inch of our skin. Let go of the idea of perfection. I have flaws, they don't hurt me. It is these flaws that make me who I am.