The Middle Line of Egotism & Altruism

Egotism, as a word, has a resounding negative aura around it. It reminds us of greed, narcissism, and other unwanted traits that have stuck with it when it's in excess.

But, let’s not get it wrong. As I am sure you have heard before, being selfish within healthy limits and treating yourself right on your terms is much needed for your well-being and that of other people in connection with you.

Here we will close the curtains to the theme of what problems derive from having low self-esteem by providing quick and insightful tips on boosting it and finding that sweet spot between egotism and altruism.

Finding The Middle Line

Let’s begin by imagining a rope. On the one side there’s selfishness and on the other side is selflessness.

On the selfishness side, its drawbacks are pretty obvious. To name a few; you appear unfriendly and unapproachable, you seem less trustworthy, and others will be afraid to commit to anything with you.

On the other side of the rope, we have discussed in the previous pieces the negatives of selflessness; people take you for granted, they might struggle to find how to reciprocate to you, and the list goes on.

It’s in our best interests not to fall into either category; we don’t want to be on one side of the rope, but we want to be somewhere along the middle.

To actualize that, we have to recognize the moment we are starting to drift towards one side of the rope and try to pull us towards the other side till we find that middle spot.

So let’s see in more practical terms what we can do to find our rope’s center and keep us there in our relationships.

1. Know your limits

The first thing in line is to learn what your limits are. It’s useful to know them because they will serve as our indicator for when the balance between taking and giving is shaken.

Now by limits, it’s meant to describe that imaginary line you establish in your mind for how much you want the things you like and how much you can tolerate the things you dislike.

Once this line is drawn it functions as an alarm; when something happens that gets close to your limits or surpasses them you get a “notification” from your subconscious to your conscious self in the form of emotion (for instance stress).

Without defining your limits, you won’t be able to understand the reasoning behind these emotions you feel at your conscious level. Hence, you won’t be sure whether you take or give more than you feel like.

The best way to understand what your limits are is to understand yourself better. This can be done with or without professional help depending on what serves you best.

Either you have to put yourself in different situations as a challenge to learn where your limits lie or you will seek the assistance of a psychotherapist so that they can guide you with the right questions to help you comprehend how your mind works.

2. Elevate your self-esteem

Having set your alarm, now it’s the perfect time to work on yourself. This is important as a step because it helps you respect and abide by your limits at all times which are imperative for staying in the middle of the rope.

Usually, people with low self-esteem tend to give out more than they take because of their inherent need for appreciation and the feeling of being valued by others.

Low self-esteem makes it so that their deeds seem not enough for satisfying their subconscious mind’s needs, so they ask for further confirmation to completely trust their thoughts and actions.

Increasing your self-love is a process that needs patience, but one way for that to happen is by boosting your self-confidence. For more tips on that, follow this link.

Another way to slowly eradicate the feelings of inadequacy about yourself is by using CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to counter the limiting beliefs and habits that make you feel this way.

Firstly, you recognize when your limiting thoughts appear and then try and challenge these thoughts whenever they do. For the part of the recognition, those limits you have formed before will help a lot.

Now, the “challenge” part is to ask yourself the reasoning behind these thoughts and whether they are based on any logical explanation or your limiting beliefs.

For instance, let’s say you think that you think your crush or partner doesn’t like you that much because you haven’t been texted for a while. Your thinking will be something between the lines of “they don’t care about me since they aren’t responding or initiating a conversation with me”.

When you recognize this type of thought immediately start challenging it with questions like:

“Do I have a clue as to what is going on in their life right now?”

“Am I sure they don’t like me based on other experiences besides this one?”

“Is there a reason why they shouldn’t care about me in the first place?”

“Is there a possibility that they wait for me to initiate a conversation?”

“Is it my limiting belief that makes me think like that?”

By challenging your thoughts like that and answering truthfully the questions you impose on yourself, not only you will alleviate your suffering from negative thinking, but you will elevate your self-esteem since your actions won’t be dependent on any limiting beliefs about yourself.

Though remember, always try to answer as truthfully and objectively as you possibly can, otherwise, CBT won’t work as efficiently.

3. Improve your self-image

The third aspect to help you in finding and keeping the balance (while also aiding in enhancing your self-esteem) is by improving the mental image you have about yourself.

Every one of us has formed a certain opinion about ourselves; how we think we get across to other people depends on our thoughts and actions.

To upgrade your self-image, firstly fill a list with the positive characteristics that define you as a person. Secondly, write down the traits that you like when a person possesses them.

Now, cross-examine these 2 lists. To enhance your self-image and be satisfied with yourself, try to develop whatever trait you see that you lack from the characteristics that you like seeing in other people.

Before doing the cross-examination though, it’s good practice to show your list to a very close person of yours so that you can take their opinion about it.

People close to you can find characteristics that you might have neglected or didn’t even think that you possess, so it’s also helpful for understanding yourself a little bit more and reviewing yourself faithfully.

Conclusion

This series concluded with three practical tips to help you in upgrading yourself and reaching a version of self you desire and are proud of. By achieving that, you will be very assured as to what to give and how to give it, as well as what to take and how to take it in return.

This is imperative for romantic relationships given that they are all about giving and taking in equivalent terms so that they can work out perfectly and make you and your partner truly happy.

All you need to do is understand how your mind works, where are your self-limiting beliefs and try to surpass them.

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This article was originally published on Medium at Harrys Stratigakis