The Loud Mind

I woke up in the early, fresh, and chilly morning with a banging headache. I pulled myself out of my warm, comfy bed to head to the kitchen to get myself a glass of cold mineral water.

At 7:30AM, I head out of the door and wait at my bus stop. My bus normally arrives at 7:33; as soon as I saw it coming I immediately swung my arm out to stop the bus.

At 8:00AM, I arrive at the college. I sat in the library and studied for my upcoming biology exam. I naturally said to myself in my mind, “I want to get a merit in this exam.” Right at this moment, there’s a voice: "If you really want to get a merit or distinction, then you need to study it on the bus as well.” I thought to myself, can they hear my thoughts?” It was so unexpected! It just came out of nowhere. I didn’t believe it at first, but then after that I realize that some people can actually hear people’s thoughts. I feel like I have a lack of privacy.

The other day I was standing at the bus stop, and I said something along the lines of, "why is there so much traffic?" and then a man sitting next to me said something I don’t understand in another language; it was not English, Spanish or French and it is definitely not European. He has a dark skin tone, big eyes and quite slim. I think he can hear what I am saying.

It honestly gives me anxiety, knowing people can actually hear my thoughts! It may sound strange and you may think I’m weird, but it’s true.

There was a time that I went crazy, as I was sitting on the dining table, I could feel my hands trembling, sweaty palms, sweaty feet, and pounding heartbeat and couldn't even speak. It felt like my head was spinning around at the same time and couldn't focus.

Then one day, I thought to myself, maybe I have a mental problem, maybe. So, I decided to go to the GP and find a psychologist, and they said, ‘’you need to go to the hospital in order to be transferred to the GP.’’ I didn't take it seriously to really think I would want to see a psychologist, except I tried calming myself down with some meditation; that indeed did calm me down but it still gives me anxiety. It’s uncontrollable. Every time you think about something involuntarily.

I always thought that after I go home, I can free my mind to think whatever I wanted because nobody can hear me because I am far away; but too bad, that is not what I thought. Now I know that even my family can hear it too, whether it is in English, Japanese, Cantonese, or Spanish, they can hear every word you are saying. Just imagine how difficult it would be for me to live like this every day! I know they can hear it because whatever I am trying to think about in my small mind, the next day, the word comes out of their mouth. It drives me crazy! I could not stand it!

Think what you like of me, and I can tell you that I am the strangest, weirdest person on the planet you’ll ever know, but I am just telling the truth.

What will you do if you suspected someone could hear your thoughts? What would you do? Would you say something to them or would you rather pretend nothing happened? Just imagine if that was you.