The Lazy Man's Depression Guide

So! You all know the drill! Many of you are going through it, many of you know some one with it and many of you are faking that you don't have it. The One the only big D that f**ks us all eventually!

Depression.

You never really know when it starts, do you? Well, I can basically pin point where mine began, then slightly stopped, then picked up, then hid under forced happiness, then broke through with a frightening force and now refuses to leave... Have any of you gotten here? Well if you find that you have, then know I feel for you and I care... For the 15 and a half minutes I'm allowed to in this kerfuffle.

There's 5 main things you will find when trying to figure out whats wrong with you. The 5 things that Google will always throw in your face when you ask "Am I depressed?"

You're always tired, You seclude yourself, Everything annoys you, Nothing piques your interest AND you often think about the ever coming brutally apparent death. (Do you ever think about like what a grim reaper would feel like? Like you see it do you feel cold or warm? I bet it would feel warm. Comforting almost. Like he would hold your hand while he takes you away so you're not scared... Sorry, I'll get back to what I was saying.)

Anyhow, with those 5 things that rear their ugly faces in yours as you have to fight through this they never really mention what you remember from before it all started.

How you could be friendly and not think back on it wondering if it were true, how you could play and not instantly be bored after, how you could cry and feel better...

Do you remember when you were happy last? If you think really hard can you still feel what you felt way back when? It's almost foreign now... Or like when your foot falls asleep and you get the static feeling when you move.

What about things you enjoyed doing? I dance, I draw, I write, I play and now it's all just bland. Grey, un-useful and nearly disregarded in my everyday life. I've become so hateful in my depression, resentful, lusty, greedy. The worst part is that I know I am. Makes me feel worse. Do you notice too?

So do others.

They once saw you as this blissful ray of sunshine; or at least they saw me. Either way, the people who knew you saw you and are seeing you through this. You should write it down. Have a little box or book or something that you can look back on to appreciate. Because depression screws up your memory too. It can take off your rose tinted glasses and replace them with gross smokey brown glopy lenses that are hard to see out of. They'll make everything you love seem like you just don't need it and that you're willing to throw them all away, but who's gonna be at the finish line cheering you on when you finally make it? Nobody if you let your monster get the best of you my darlings. I have two books. One I keep little tidbits of memories in, memories good and bad... Some stupid... Like when my friend couldn't climb a tree. Some that shouldn't mean anything to you at all like the time I saw a guy on a train and he looked so upset that I couldn't help but wonder if he felt worse than me. Just little things that pop out at you during the days because you know what that is? It's you actually feeling something! I have times I've met people, gone places, had sex, started dating, broke up, done nothing, thought of people... Just anything that pops through your self loathing you can write down and look back on. It's nice every once in a while.

My second little book I have is things I want, what I can work towards, my hopes and dreams. Just something to try and look forward to, especially in the times where you're up at 3 AM thinking about how great it would be to be in a coma right now so that you'd hopefully not be thinking about everything but can't pin point one thing because your stupid brain won't let you focus on one thing at a time and you're drowning but all you want to do is sleep but HAHA jokes on you, you forgot to do that homework six years ago and you're not even in school anymore so you can never right that wrong. At those moments it's nice to sit up and read what you can try and do for yourself. Even if it's the smallest thing ever, like "I'd like to get a coffee." "I'd like to buy that little weird toy I saw in a shop once." Or the biggest "I'd like to have a home and be comfortable at last." Things you can't control "I'd like it to snow." Because for the most part, it can be ask and you shall receive. BUT! In the instance I am talking about, you are asking yourself, so be open to accepting your own requests. It gives you something to fight for.

I also have a box full of things that literally nobody would understand at all. But I do and it's memories I hold dear to me, drawings I've done, money from different countries that I've never even been to, pictures of my family, an orange leaf I thought was perfect, a flower from when my best work friend quit my favorite job. All these little trinkets that have no value to anybody but me. Why not keep a random piece of wood that you found late at night on an adventure? You don't go out that often so now there's a trophy proving to you that you still did it.

All these things you can keep for yourself just to remind you that you still have people, you still can love and appreciate what is around you, even if you can't see it in a couple months, years... The best part about it is that it's not forced on you. Like how a lot of people say "Go out and exercise." "Just do something to break out of the rut!" It's already on your way out. It can even be in your own in your house. I have a little memory in my book that is "Sat in bed with my pets and listened to Bob Marley."

It's the little things that matter right now. You're allowed to stop and smell the flowers, you should just realize that you're doing it already anyways.

In saying that, I want you to look around you and think what is there. Are you sitting there reading this with your cat beside you? Are you in your living room with someone? Are you on Facebook with anybody talking to you? When was the last time you talked to your mom or dad or anyone in your family? Friends? Just think about your last conversation, even if it was a fight... That person probably loves the shit out of you. What goof balls. Especially pets. Those losers are basically Stockholmed into loving you so much, how could you possibly give up on you if they haven't yet???

I only bring up the pets because genuinely every time I've felt like I'm too far to the edge and just about to pull the plug, I get a new pet. It's a really bad coping mechanism. Especially if one of them dies and puts you in a worse position than you already are. But for the most part I hope you guys find the happiness I do in my animals.

There's another but. A big ol' butt. Many people think I'm quite stupid in having the coping mechanism I do. Often I get the "Well don't you regret having all this responsibility?" I don't. It's what is my saving grace. You may not have the same coping as me, it might be drawing or collecting things, it might be buying things you can't afford, it might be opening up to strangers and all that jazz. What ever it is! As long as you're not smoking meth or anything else that is generally harming yourself or others, if that little thing that you do is what is keeping you going... And somebody else tells you you're being stupid for it...

SCREW THEM! Who in the hell has any right to tell you not to try and make yourself better? If it costs money, it's your money it's costing, right? As long as you have everything looked after before you get what you're getting, it shouldn't matter. (Again, please don't don't buy meth or drugs. Drugs are bad, mmkay?) If said thing is going to cost you more money down the road, you can budget for it. It's not hard. You are (Most likely) a grown ass adult. If not and you're reading this from your moms house well... If mom has a problem with what you're doing, just wait a bit. Save up for it. Write it in your book and make it something for you to work for.

Baby steps my loves. Goes for anyone, you just have to realize that you don't have to have the world on your shoulders. It's easier to draw a picture one line at a time rather than thinking "OH GOD. THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE NOW!" Just calm down, look at yourself in the mirror and... Well just stare until you realize that you're just as human as the rest of us. Nobody is going to care about you more than yourself, so if you hate what is going to care for you how do you expect to get happy?

Over all I hope you find joy, I hope you find comfort and I hope you stop hurting yourself if you do, I hope you write down your emotions, I hope you get better than you ever have been.

~Don't worry, be happy... Maybe.