The Introverted Extrovert

I have always been the book nerd. The girl who sat at the lunch table with her book instead of hanging out with her friends. I am the girl who would rather be alone with her thoughts and her notebook than in a crowd of people. I don't care for parties or big gatherings at all.

I am shy. I always worry I am saying the wrong thing and doing anything new or going somewhere new is pretty much cause for a panic attack.

So, it's probably safe to say that I am an introvert.

But am I really?

At the same time as all of the above, I am extremely good with people. Meeting new people is always interesting to me after I get through the initial nervousness of the meeting. I enjoy most people and the stories they have to tell.

My day job (the one I just quit, in fact) is in sales. I was a marketing consultant and this requires me to go beyond stepping out of my comfort zone and basically jump off a cliff. For me to excel at my job, I need to make cold calls, go pop into businesses and meet clients, and set up meetings with people I don't know. This part of the job is the hardest thing. I have been there three years and I still have to pump myself up just to pick up the phone and make the call. I sit in my car in the parking lot of a business and tell myself it's going to be fine. Just go in, smile and it's going to be okay.

I hate rejection and in sales, every day I face the possibility of a whole day of it. Over and over again.

But, I'm really, really good at my job.

People are drawn to me for some reason and I'm okay with that. As I said, I'm afraid of rejection, so getting along with most people is definitely a plus on that end.

It's hard being both the shy introvert, and yet being so extroverted for a day job. I wouldn't say it's exactly like putting on a mask, because it feels like I'm a fake. I won't lie though, it does take some extent of "fake it till you make it" to step out of a comfort zone.

And once I'm out of that comfort zone, the rewards of meeting wonderful people and helping their business succeed is more than fulfilling.

The introvert in me dislikes this so much. She wants the comfort zone where she can please people with her writing without having to talk to them.

My mind is a constant battle between the introvert and the extrovert. They are both me. They both have good qualities and finding the balance is the only way I make it through. I don't know about everyone else who has this issue, but for me. The best thing I can do is make sure that I'm giving the introvert what she needs, after all the extroverting that she's doing all week.

I know this can be hard. I have five kids, a husband, a house with chores and property that needs to be maintained. I get it, that time can be hard to find, but we have to find it.

Sometimes there are indeed, two very different personalities inside a person. And that is okay.

Just remember, feed both the introvert and the extrovert for balance and it really helps.

It took me a long time to realize that it's okay to be both.