The essence of the ingratiating personality is to belittle yourself

I have a female friend, she is very beautiful, but her relationship is always very unhappy, and later found that she has an important reason a habit of forgetting self-giving, she does what the other party prevails, forgetting what her own needs are.

In the process of growing up in our life, there is a personality called a pleasing personality. In a pleasing personality, one of the most important characteristics is that she is used to pleasing others, and by pleasing others to establish the value belonging to herself.

The formation of the ingratiating personality is not formed in a day or two it is a long-term habit that eventually formed a kind of ability to deal with interpersonal relationships.

In the face of a pleasing personality, what should we do to make ourselves live happier? We can work on it from these aspects.

Why do we like to please others?

One very important reason why we like to please others is that we don't like ourselves enough. When we grow up, we can't help but feel flustered inside when we are often reprimanded by our parents or when we meet some authoritative and powerful people due to the mirror law.

The ingratiating personality is often a way we use as our survival strategy when we are faced with people who are stronger than us, or when we are weak, and we are used to reading people, we use this as a better way to keep ourselves alive.

Pleasing people are not without its advantages, they have a strong ability to see others under the long-term perception of words, but excessive pleasing will make us lose the position of self.

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Improving a pleasing personality requires knowing how to see the meaning of pleasing

Human nature itself is a very complex facet, and the most important thing we can do in the face of the ingratiating personality is not to deny all the values of this personality, which would make it difficult to truly improve this personality relationship.

What we need to understand is that the ingratiating personality is a strategy that we used to survive as we grew up, and this strategy needs to be better improved and optimized as we grow up.

Along with our growth, our ability to improve, and our wisdom grows, we do not need to just please others, we also need to please ourselves.

If we understand the importance of pleasing ourselves, we will not build our focus entirely on others, we will realize that we are just as important as others.

Many people-pleasing personalities tend to have a very inferior inner personality and will think that they are particularly bad and terrible and that they can't do anything well, so they use pleasing to build their value.

Realizing that pleasing ourselves is just as important as pleasing others, we can begin to focus our attention inward, which is an important trait for us to mitigate pleasing personalities.

Perhaps what you need to understand is that even if you are more pleasing to others, you may not always be able to make them like you completely. Instead, when you please yourself, creating pleasurable feelings for yourself allows us to sustainably nourish ourselves.

Learn to be true to yourself

Pleasing personalities, fearful of being exposed to others as they are, are extremely dissatisfied with themselves, making them believe that serving others is all that matters.

True altruism is based on respect for ourselves. If we serve others to desire their approval, we are destined to be scarred and especially disappointed.

Truly learning to respect ourselves is to respect everything we feel, such as acknowledging that we are not good enough in some ways, acknowledging the excellence of others, but also seeing the sparkle we possess in ourselves.

Being true to ourselves means accepting all of ourselves and seeing the uniqueness of our lives. When we are no longer afraid to be ourselves, we gain the best inner healing and the most powerful inner strength.

To be true to ourselves is to dare to take responsibility for ourselves, to deeply understand that it is more important to be true to all aspects of ourselves than to be perfect.

So the essence of growth is letting go of criticism of ourselves and instead accepting ourselves authentically and guiding ourselves to find a path to our true selves.

The nature of the pleasing personality believes that we are small and therefore afraid to reveal our true thoughts. We don't need to do this to ourselves, but rather face our thoughts honestly, because feelings and thoughts are never right or wrong, but are a mapping of our inner self.

It is more important to recognize and listen to our true inner thoughts, to think about when we are most joyful, and to discover our inner feelings than to blindly try to please others.

Respecting ourselves is the best way to relieve our symptoms. When you know how to respect yourself, you will in some ways see yourself gradually nourishing yourself and gradually reduce the tendency to automatically please others.

The fourth point is appropriate to say no

We want to improve the ingratiating personality, we must learn to say no appropriately. If we do not know how to say no to others, in essence, more others will ignore us.

So saying no is also the best way to value and respect us, and when you know how to respect yourself, you will find that others will respect you more as well.

How we say no, we can properly respect our feelings when we are uncomfortable within ourselves, especially when we are tired, and we should know how to reject others.

The most important thing for a pleasing personality is to understand that you are as important as others, so in the face of other people's demands on you, you must know how to protect your energy and try to take care of your things, in the face of other people's things, we do not need to take on more responsibility.

When you know how to reject people properly, it is also the time to let others know you again, we need to speak up and let each other see your heart.

Pleasing people have certain advantages in socializing, but if we don't want to be overwhelmed by too much asked of us, we need to give up part of the tendency to please others, but run your own life, take responsibility for our own life, nourish yourself, enrich yourself, which is the best motivation for us to be able to get more love others.

The fact that relieves us from pleasing others does not make us reject everyone, we just treat others well in a different way, is to take care of ourselves first, and then take care of others, and only by doing so will your relationships be healthier and smoother.