The Delusion

Always running about like a rat in a maze

I'm a free rat as long as I stay in the maze

When will I find freedom, that taste of luxury

They say we already free

I'm free to dye my hair but confined to the choices that dwindle from the madness of choices made

They say men want the world in their hands but is it the woman who desires the man who really wants the world in her hands, or both, because none of the rules matter

I find peace in the calm and the storm

Sometimes I think we are all worshipping a president who is actually the ultimate grandiose

We are all creations of bliss and each contain a multitude of realities that are confined in cellular flesh

Who is to say one of us is not great if we feel it in our bones

But great begets great no?

If I was the spawn of some great person- being, then my chances of picking my reality would become of ease

Yet who would ever know freedom if choices galore were always at their feet

Who would choose the life of simplicity?

THE DELUSION

To live one's life as if it were on a parallel plane

To always be adjacent to reality's plane

To dance with fire and burn, only to rise again, born aflame! And, burn again!

We all see a star? A ball of fire, yet what is it you see? But blinded by Rays of light!!

What is reality? But, a quantum field of broken cells, and particles participating in life?

What is life after all?

I can read a book, and become a new life, or so temporarily?

But, what if this life is a collaboration? Each thought a new life, a new manifestation, a new creature to walk a plane of existence.

The hive mind also persists

To live amongst the lot alike to prosper the same!

We live in a decision made on a thought behaved!

To persist is to make one's life free of trouble? Yet, I say that when one like me sees no trouble then there is the fire, the money lost on bills, the taxing work or someone else's corporate device. I wonder if I can separate myself, just enough from this "Americana". What, is it that I want though? To live on a farm for free radicals to accept a life of no pills and divine freedom! To, live off the land just enough to find freedom while still indulging in modern freedoms such as the internet!

The internet can most certainly turn into an ugly and powerful addiction. One, that controls and allows all functions to persist! We see addiction in everything in what is considered excess! If one were to point out in another the excess of any action would one listen? Or, would they persist in their actions of not recognizing and controlling? But, can one control an addiction? Maybe, if they can recognize the cue such as when one sees another smoking it makes it that much easier to smoke! The craving is a constant urge if it's physical such as nicotine, caffeine, heroine, porn! And, the reward is sweet yet eventually desensitization comes about and the reward is so bitter and yet still a little sweet! But, we all love our sweets so one will have to fulfill that urge for pleasure to a point, where one comes to a conclusion that something is not filling me nearly enough! And, what if that addiction takes over and burrows itself into your very facet of your life maybe in; paranoia one knows one is craving, maybe in the constant looking for a fix, or maybe a constant urge to quit?

I most certainly do not have the answers but can at minimum require myself to realize my situation at hand! I struggle with remaining sober and often wonder what it means in the longevity sense to remain so! Would, the occasional taste of substance or desire bring about an addictive cycle of constant use and possible abuse! Use, I do not think equals abuse yet it is easy to cross the threshold!

I do know substances that intoxicate often create a sense of delusion for me! A false reality of this trouble will not afflict me, as of now this sweet bliss is about! But, can a drug erase the thoughts that still remain? Maybe, make it easier for you?

Maybe, dull out the pain of feeling the full range of the human capacity.

But, what remains when that fix is over is the same trouble that remained before?

Did it help the question?

Did it in some sense ease yourself and allow you to continue on?

But, did it allow you to enter a state of new awareness of your problem at hand or what ails?

What did you gain?

Relief?

In a sense, it's temporary though.

I wonder if one would cling so easily to the ease of sweet relief!

But, if one was self aware of that sweet release and it's ease and the distraction from reality!

Reality can be a hard lot to swallow and can cause even the strongest to crumble!

Ease, is of importance but does not ease come with action?

And, If one were to use something with the mindset I will be happy once I'm high! Would it not be natural to pick a state in which it is easier to maintain happiness?

So, the question would be is the substance going to help me?

Maybe, if one knows they can control it?

But, if the problem that afflicts you is being avoided by remaining in an altered state, then would it not paradoxically cause more problems by avoiding the one at hand?

But, in that sense I would be speaking of habitual use! And, in some ways habitual use comes to an advantage if one functions with it! But, in another sense it can cause much discord in life!

Is a balanced life the one lustered for?

And, now I wonder? Did I steal my thoughts from another? Is this existence truly existing or am I just living a life devoid, devoid of persistence, or accomplishment! Institutions seem to offer some sort of satisfactory advancement in achieving something! But, what is this something to be sought after?

I seek balance, at least that is what I wrote on a slip of paper of my greatest goal to strive for!

I choose life out of the desire to learn more! Yet, all I seem to do is destroy what I have! It is the nature of the phoenix to build up and burn out! I chose my name on the basis that it was a constant desire of mine to resonate with ethereal beings! I wanted to live in its essence in it's flight and it's power! Yet, I find it so hard to live up to its name!

I find life so difficult and perplexing at times, everything seems to cause me to overthink and procrastinate on what is life's lessons!

Yet, everything seems to be teaching me something, even nothing. Change is difficult but possible. I regret saying those words as soon as they are typed. It seems that everything fluctuates with me! This constant dance of no or yes. This constant trying to understand my choices. Why I do not go into work even though I said I would be there. Yet, I find the excuses not to be there.

I may be sick from withdrawing off of my medications yet employers want punctuality. They want hard work. Sometimes, it is so hard to live up to the expectation of what is hard work. When sick from thoughts that cause the epigenetic changes in the physical body! And, to note thoughts may not be able to be held but they do exist! Thoughts are part of our brain and our mind and are created by neurological synapses from the potassium and sodium that allow for the synapses to occur. Maybe, our thoughts are quantum energy!

It never ceases to amaze me how much we do not know about how the brain functions and its connection to the body! From, hormone secretions, to brain waves states, and the alteration of one's mind via chemicals. So, much is to be discovered and yet so little time seems to be left in our realm. We are eliminating our resources and fiercely changing our habitats. Climate change does not seem to be such a gimmick now. We see forest fires burning the western united states, we see polar ice caps melting, we see famine in countries across the world. And, what do we do? We keep making more of our kind. When, so many can barely keep up with the conditions of our planet the way they are.