The Dark knight of the Soul: Forging Ahead through uncertainty

Today I woke up not sure about the direction of my life. I felt so confused, I had spent soo long trying to read books , and I spent many months thinking about the one question

What do I want to do with my life

For me know I know what I want to do with my life. I want to become a Photographer, Storyteller and Writer.

But my Brain says

“Hey Bud, you’re a Musician Go make some music”

And I say , “Ok”

So I do... and I feel really good about it

So now I’m a Freelance Writer , Storyteller, Photographer ,and Musician

The only problem with this is...

I can’t do all of these things at one time

Here’s a little backstory about me,

For as long as I can remember i have always wanted to be a Music Producer / Dj that was my life goal, and had I reached that goal I would very happy and satisfied.

But... I didn’t achieve that goal

In high school, I spent every day after school listening to new music , learning about music, producing music, Watching Dj Documentaries of the people I’ve always admired. After a while I realized that I was doing a lot

I thought that that was just the process & The Price for getting really good

So I kept pursuing my goals in this Reckless Fashion

Before I knew it, My life was completely consumed by music, I had no outside relationships, I spent all of my time isolated in a room on my computer, and was slowly getting less enthusiastic about producing music.

Did this stop me... Of course Not

I couldn’t accept the idea that, I didn’t have what I takes to achieve my Dream And the goal I had strived for ever since I was little. So I ignored all of the warning signs my mind was telling me and Pushed Through the unbearable pain

After years of striving I couldn’t fight it any longer I had realized that my mental health took a plummet, I wasn’t taking care of myself in the right way anymore. I wasn’t sleeping , I wasn’t eating , and it was time to stop

Even though I really wanted to become a Dj / Producer , I couldn’t shake the undeniable truth that my life was really unbearable at this point.

So I quit music

This was a very hard decision for me to make , imagine your entire life dream that you set out when you were a kid , not happening.

It did suck... for a while

But then I realized that something was happening

I was really getting into Photography, Film, and Writing and Blogs. Soon after I was beginning to enjoy my life again

But then...

My brain started to kick and throw a fit

“Photography?!!” “What happened to Music?!!” “You just gonna quit, like that” “You expect to learn photography, film, and....

Blogging!!!”

Our Brains are designed to do things that keep us safe and causes us to find short term pleasures without long term risk (aka procrastination)

What I’ve learned

The reason why it Music doesn’t entice me anymore is because I can see past it, in other words it’s become very predictable and no longer excites me. So the idea of Going Back is no longer an option , I have to move on

But the Path before me is Dark

However , as St. John of the cross said

“The endurance of darkness is preparation for great light”

In our pursuits, we should pursue what interests us, if it doesn’t , that’s ok too. That just means it’s time to move on or just don’t do it.

Starting out is Exciting. It’s the most important part. We should go after what we want all the way, unafraid, accepting the dark road before us that leads to the otherside.