The Balancing Act
The Impact of Cognitive Behavioral Theory
Acknowledgment
The father of cognitive-behavioral therapy, Doctor Aaron Beck, does not get enough credit in modern times for his work. Many theorists and clinical psychologists have repurposed CBT Theory by putting a personal spin on the basic premise of the theory, which is, “If you change your thoughts, you change your world.” To that end, I want to dedicate this book to Dr. Aaron Beck to show my appreciation for his contribution to the field of psychology. Were it not for his teachings; I would not be as successful as I am today working in behavioral health and addiction treatment.
Introduction
Over the past twenty years working as a psychotherapist with patients in acute crisis, I have recognized that life and death exist as a balancing act, putting one foot in front of the other, struggling to maintain balance, and keeping negative, racing thoughts in check. If we lose our balance, we fall off the tightrope that keeps us from a gravity-pulling spiral. Clients who are suicidal often feel they can no longer maintain their balance and, therefore, desperately want to let go and let nature takes its course. Conversely, many patients who have survived a suicide attempt often say they had second thoughts at the last minute.
Similar to my children's book published in February 2020, called The Search for Happiness, a thought might dramatically alter a specific feeling at one particular moment in time. If a person can talk him/herself into giving up on life due to an overwhelming sense of hopelessness, that same person can equally convince him/herself to give life one more day and keep pushing through.
Story Telling for Hope
Storytelling is often the best form of teaching. Many people struggle with conceptualizing theoretical concepts that don’t apply to their own lives. As Lady Gaga puts it, “Until it happens to you, you don’t know how I feel.” Many people judge others for reacting a certain way during difficult times. However, when written in story format, it is much easier for readers to relate to the protagonist's struggles and empathize with their choices.
When trying to explain to clients how CBT works, I have used this story as an analogy throughout my career. Now, in my career's twilight, I feel it is time to document this story so that many more people struggling to push through challenges will find CBT skills valuable as necessary coping skills for survival.
“One day your will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else’s survival guide.” – Brene Brown
The Bridge
In life, every feeling we have, every action we take, is influenced and affected by our thoughts.
I have always told my clients that a thought journey may start and end with life or death in a split second. This story of George sheds light on the careful balancing act between positive and negative thoughts.
George was a kind and emotional person. After experiencing a recent tragedy, he started fantasizing about giving up. His pain was too immense to bear, feeling broken and defeated. He felt no meaning to his life, and he became plagued with an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. George decided that he could not suffer in his misery one more day, so he decided to end his life.
George left a note for his family members explaining, “Life has been too hard on me. I cannot take any more suffering. I love you so much. I hope you can forgive me for my actions.” After George left all of his affairs in order, he took a taxi to his favorite bridge to end his life.
As George arrived at his destination, he stepped out of the taxi and walked towards the bridge's edge. He laid his hand on the cold railing to look down. As George climbed onto the railing, his mind began to race with opposing thoughts. He started having doubts. He was getting flashes of the happy memories that happened in this very same place. He started thinking of his proposal and the many sunsets he watched with his ex-wife as he stood on the bridge.
As soon as George placed his feet side by side, carefully balancing on the ledge, he began to think there may be a different choice. He wondered if he was making a poor decision. He felt so lost and confused.
As George continued to maintain his balance, negative thoughts were creeping into his mind. “If I really believe my life is hopeless, I need to do this! I need to jump off and end the pain!”
Suddenly a cold gush of wind made George’s mind race back to a contradicting thought, “What if I give myself one more day to think? I know I will be able to tolerate one more day to think this through. Maybe I need to change my mind and get down from this bridge?”
George’s mind kept waffling back and forth. “Should I, shouldn’t I?” His legs started trembling out of cold and indecision. Finally, after contemplating both possibilities, George decided to step down and give himself one more day to think.
On the same day, George was about to end his life, a few minutes later, George got his life back. All it took was one positive thought of hope.
If George had decided to listen solely to his hopeless thoughts, his life would have ended on that bridge. His family would have been devastated and traumatized by his decision. Instead, due to one positive thought, George is alive, and with his family (even though they have no idea what he went through), they are blessed to see his smile another day. George has even forgiven his ex-wife for leaving him, and he is working on their co-parenting friendship.
After surviving that fateful bridge day, George realized to himself, “Wow, all it took was one thought that would have affected my life forever. The power of my thoughts really does make a difference between life and death!"
From that day forward, George began to share his story with others and spread Doctor Aaron Beck's theory of CBT and the power of our thoughts.
George became a fierce advocate of cognitive-behavioral theory and told his audience, "Life is a balancing act. If you change your thoughts, you change your world!”
The Lesson
Even when life feels incredibly hopeless and you genuinely believe there is no way it will get better, stop and consider the alternative, “What if it did?” What if the problem doesn’t go away, but the pain subsides after you change your perspective?
Many of my clients have survived unspeakable violence, yet they suddenly feel empowered and motivated for change when they have reframed their identities from being a victim to a survivor. As Maya Angelo says, “When you learn, teach.” Please pay this story forward so that another human life may be saved by a single thought shrouded in hope.
About the Creator
Dejaye Botkin
I am a psychotherapist specializing in interpersonal relationship challenges. After the Covid-19 outbreak, I pivoted from my Scottsdale private-practice to working as a telehealth professional. I am licensed in NJ and AZ. dejayebotkin.org
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