Tangentiality

It's cold out. Perfect!

I was up late last night ... well until about 2.30 am. A friend was on my mind. And I am writing a story for him. A dedication piece that I hope provides support.

But I find I need to take my time. And it's frustrating because of the melodic flow I know well is stagnant. I have lost the comfort and release I feel when I write uninterrupted and within the moment.

When writing in my familiar way ... the next step requires a commitment to editing. Synonyms to provide the variation and cadence that suits. To remove the superfluous, I need to strip it back to the core intent of the piece.

Sometimes my mind wanders and I want to weave in side stories ... but the more side stories ... and I'm way off track.

Tangentiality has struck!

And I'm all over the shop.

I jump from one anecdote to another in thought - quickly: "Oh that reminds me when so and so happened" ... and any segways I run towards and I think in a repetition cycle "What was I talking about?"

Then when reminded - only to return within a time period, back to distraction which reflects how much time I have.

It's like my brain has an algorithm.

Allocated time for writing ... triggers a calculation for tangentiality and I use it to the max. The remaining time ensures I finish the intended content. Hopefully completed.

Or sometimes not.

If I fight the algorithm and go with the flow.

This was happening last night so I experimented with my profile photo then background photo until I got too tired and concluded "f**k it" ... so I could wake up to something new and start again.

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Oh that reminds me ... I'd better get going ... I see Ross for lunch today. Yeah! Oh but I've got to find my GoCard and put a stop on it. Then register the new one. Can I do it online or do I need to phone Transinfo? Then I had better check Journey Planner .. I wonder if the systems up? I hope so. Not like Centrelink last week. MyGov is driving me nuts. What did I want to do at Centrelink? That's right change my auto-deductions through Centrepay. But it was down for three days "unable to process your request at this time." FFS! My rents gone up and for some reason my auto-payments to Origin have dropped off the list. Now I have a bill to pay. I can do that at the Post Office at Nundah. At the same time I'll continue my mail redirection for another month. Then I should make it to the Library and pick up the DVD for the ‘sisterhood.’ I'll just get on their FB pages and see what they're up to. Hang on look at the time! Oh what's that bumping on my arm? What a beautiful black cat! He knows just he wants - a strong pat. Listen to that purr when I pull his tail.

He's rolling around. Belly rub time. And just like that it's over. He jumps off to walk up the hill with sass. Then looks back to me as if to say "Get on with your day!!"

I see Ross for lunch today. Yeah! I better get moving ..."

****

Above is an example of Tangentiality. It's not racing thoughts because it is not distressing. It does not cause agitation, and I can quickly stop it. However it's a part of the symptom-complex of Biopola 1 (Rapid Cycling.)

Now I really do have to run!

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Footnote: Beyond Tangentiality

At the moment my tangential thought patterns are now intrusive and racing.

My mind? High velocity and on fire.

They bend and twist my cognitive capacity, as all thoughts compete for equal import.

I am attempting to implement my mental health strategies to evict their destruction.

I am frightened of the potential for further deterioration that they may command.

Pauline Fountain. © 2021. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be used or reproduced without the written permission of the author.