coping

Life presents variables; learning how to cope in order to master, minimize, or tolerate what has come to pass.

A Horse Named Fish
My teen years were not good ones but you made them bearable but one memory stands out as the biggest impact on me today. I remember the feel of the cold steel against my soft pallet the taste of metalic and oil cleaner. I remember the tears burning hot down my cheeks, the press of the bark of my favorite tree pressing into my back. What I will never forget, is the warm sun shining on my face, so I open my eyes, and you standing there looking at me before I can pull the trigger and make the worst mistake I would ever have made. I ease the object of my potential demise out from between my lips as I look into your loving eyes. "I can’t do this anymore!" I said to you, to the universe, and I believed it. As I looked into your face, I knew I needed a proper goodbye. "OK, One more ride." I put it up and we rode. I let out every pain, all the anger; you never judge me, you were just there. The feel of your strong muscle as you move underneath me. Running my fingers through your sparse mane as I cry everything into your warm neck until the wracking sobs and screams become silent tears just streaming down my face.
By Kandice Weger-Herrera5 years ago in Psyche
Friendships Strained
It has been over a year since the pandemic started and things are still not back to normal. Vaccinations have rolled out, however, I have yet to hang out with anyone. Much of this has to do with the fact that I have lost contact with so many of my friends due to a lack of interaction. You truly learn what friendship means when you can't see one another every day. When things started to go down I was working 70+ hours a week while most people were unemployed. My friends got to hang out on zoom and other video hosting platforms because they had a lot of time on their hands. I was unable to hang out with them and enjoy the face-to-face interactions. When I got home most days I just wanted to sleep. Most of my friends were still messaging me on Facebook, but they were living different lives than I was. I couldn't relate to them and vice versa. I didn't know what it was like to be bored out of my mind with nothing to do around my house as they did. I was considered lucky because I was still working. I didn't feel the same. I did appreciate having a full-time job, but I didn't care. I wanted a break, I wanted to live off of the unemployment benefits and stay home. I did not have that luxury. I was overworked in the health field and stressed out. When I talked to other people they were unsympathetic to my woes.
By Jae Frank5 years ago in Psyche
Moon Light
I woke up suddenly in a cold sweat, shooting straight up in bed with my heart still racing from my nightmare. I look around my bedroom and it is dark, so I assume it is the middle of the night. I slowly make my way into the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water, only to realize my fridge light is out. I turn around and flick the kitchen light on, but the room remains dark. The power is out. I step onto the back porch to look for the glow from streetlights. I realize the only light source is the moon light.
By Autumn Bradley 5 years ago in Psyche
Dealing With the Fallout of Severe Bullying: A Personal Story
“MAN-WOMAN” “FUCKING MAN BEAST.” These are just a couple of the many “nicknames” I had at school. On the downside, the constant name-calling and physical attacks in my teenage years have greatly affected me in adult life.
By Beth Kennedy5 years ago in Psyche
My Escape
Sometimes I just want to cry from all the thoughts that replay within my head. I want to run and hide, travel somewhere far far away. Where I cannot be found.
By J.W. Baird5 years ago in Psyche
Courage isn't the lack of fear
Dear beautiful loving people My name is Huzaifa and I was asked to share my story. I’ve dreamt about sharing my story to a large audience many times before but now that I’ve been asked, I don’t know how to begin. So let’s just begin. 5 years ago, I suddenly came to the realization that as a young child, I was sexually molested. I grew up thinking that what had happened to me was normal. I didn’t put much thought into it. My body felt it 5 years ago. It was time for the old trauma to come to surface. I was ready to handle it, to tackle it, to live with it but most importantly to be with it whether I wanted to or not. The last 5 years have been insanely difficult. More difficult than I could’ve ever imagine life to be. The last 23 years have been difficult already. I started having serious suicide thoughts starting around the age of 12. They would haunt me for almost the rest of my life. I say almost because the last time I had a harrowing evening where I desperately wanted to kill myself was a little over a year ago. For the first time in my life, I have lived 1 whole year without the desperate need to kill mself. I am realizing it right now as I write this. I live in fear. I live with fear. I fear fear. Being molested multiple times at the age of 4 by my own family made me afraid of the world because my family was my world. They were everything to me. As I grew older I learned how much bigger the world is. As I grew older I was filled with more fear as I was afraid of more things, of more people, of every person I’ve ever met. 2019 has been easily the most difficult year of my life. I’ve spent it trying not to fight the emotions I want to depress. I’ve spent it not forcing myself to accept my feelings. I’ve spent it trying to just be, instead of trying to do so much. Trying to fix this. Trying to get over there. Trying to understand why what and how. Instead just being still and allowing everything to move within me. Around me. With me. It has allowed me to process things more. More and more deeper layers come up for air after I’ve suppressed them for long. These old emotions and feelings have been suffocating for so long. All they’ve ever wanted was to just come to the surface. To also breathe the beautiful air as they too are beautiful. 2019 has easily been the most difficult year of my life. I’ve felt more broken than I’ve ever felt. I’ve felt much more scared than I knew possible. I’ve allowed my body to relive the trauma I’ve put away for so long. I learned that I activated both fight and flight when I was molested. I fought until I couldn’t fight anymore. Then I fled as my consciousness detached myself from the situation to save me. To save my mind from knowing what was happening. To prevent me from permanent brain damage. My mind, body and soul used every bit of strength and energy to fight until it knew it needed to use every last bit of energy to hide, to rest and to save itself so that I can live to fight another day. 2019 was a calling for me to fight again. My mind body and soul told me that I have no choice. That this is the time. That I am ready to regain myself. I am ready to love myself. It doesn’t get easier at all. On the contrary it’s anything but easy. But it’s also everything. Everything to be a better version of me. But there is no better version of me because that would say that there used to be a shittier version of me. There was never a shittier version of me. There was only the thought and feeling that there was a shittier version of me. The thoughts are still there. The feelings still arise. They still destroy me from time to time. They engulf me and I’m helpless. They make my bones tremble and I am in desperate search for help. I am still scared. I am still very much scared. But the only way for one to be courageous is to be scared first. Courage isn’t the lack of fear, it’s loving the fear.
By Huzaifa Malik5 years ago in Psyche
Side Quests
When I was diagnosed with ADHD at the start of March this year it was not a surprise. What did surprise me was the intense emotional rollercoaster the diagnosis set me off on. What was really shocking was that within a matter of days of finding the correct medication type and dosage for me, that I could suddenly write again. A kaleidoscope in my mind's eye stopped turning, the beads settled and I could draw breath calmly. The creative thoughts and ideas which for over two decades had been running riot in my head could find an output. I can now write, draw, compose or sketch. It was such an unexpected bonus that it drew tears as I considered the lost time and the missed opportunities.
By Ellie Mayze5 years ago in Psyche
On a Knife-Edge
No one prepared me for how shockingly hard the last 20 years of my life would be. No one warned me. No one gave me any clue that the journey I was embarking upon would bring me close to breaking point many times over. No one told me how isolated, lonely, desperate, worthless and miserable I would feel at times. No one let on. Not.one.person.
By Monique Green5 years ago in Psyche
Do I Fit?
I stumbled around life confused, from the get-go. I am the youngest of four, presumably a mistake, and was often left alone. Everyone in my family had their place and their talents. The eldest had my father's name and was a favorite. The second eldest an artist, mirroring my father's abilities. The third was brilliant, she found her esteem through impeccable grades and book smarts. I was the black sheep, often in trouble or about to be.
By Mae B5 years ago in Psyche
The Best Years of My Life, Spent Lonely
When I stepped foot into the new halls I was to call home for the next five years, leaving my old friends and old school behind me, I promised nothing would stand in my way this time. I was a new me, new hair, new confidence - I could be anything I wanted because none of these people knew me yet.
By Sangeetha Gowda5 years ago in Psyche
im not happy
At this moment and time of my life, My tinnitus has gotten progressively worse. I constantly am noticing the ringing in my ear.
By Chantel5 years ago in Psyche
When it Sucks to Suck...
Everything in life is going great. Work is good, home life is great, you feel like your on the top of the world. Then out of no where, it starts to slip away, and you can't quite figure out where you've went wrong. Everything you touch seems like you mess up or break. Every word you say is the wrong one and you can't seem to have anyone understand you. Your misunderstood with your feelings and can't seem to gather them up to even be able to explain them. Your mind becomes cloudy and you can't seem to see, or think straight. You start to feel anxious and aren't really sure why. Then you start to over think every step you make, every look you give, every word you say. You start to question things that you used to be so sure of. You go to work, hoping for a good day, and it turns on you. Then you go home and you can't gather yourself enough to get done what needs to. You try to find little things to make you smile through the day, but then let discouraging remarks take your smile from you. You pick up a new hobby, just to find out, you're really just not as good as you thought you were. Then you tell yourself, "Don't give up, people count on you." But look around and see that you feel alone. The ones you feel count on you, you feel like you can't get nothing right with. You feel your world crashing all around you.
By Kayla Lynn Waksmonski5 years ago in Psyche